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View Full Version : Video games destroy a marriage - Personal accountability



avatar4321
02-16-2008, 07:24 AM
I know some people aren't going to like this. But quite frankly, I don't care. It's the truth and I needed to say it.

http://us.i1.yimg.com/videogames.yahoo.com/feature/wedding-woes-the-dark-side-of-warcraft/1186366

I was reading this and i just think its a travesty. Here are two people who threw their life together away because of a video game. And yes, while most of the blame goes with him (who is really really really really really really really stupid), she shares some of it.

It's just amazing that she didn't love him enough to delete the game from the computer while he was at work, cancel the account, and throw the game out. Yeah he probably would have been upset. But then he also would have realized how big the problem was.

Yeah it takes two to make something work. But if you dont really try to do something to save the marriage and not just talk, but there isnt even any mention of her trying to do something. (And no i dont think trying to set apart time to spend together without trying to address the actual problem is doing something).

The problem was he was addicted to a game. I can understand that, I think I was addicted at one point. But you can't just wait around hoping someone will someday get over the addiction. You have to address it head on. Hold an intervention. Get rid of the source of the addiction. Address the bigger emotional issue of why he is addicted to a video game. Do something!

The marriage may have still fallen apart. Who knows, but from the sound of it, i dont think it would have. They had been friends forever. They article says they are still friends and the divorce woke him up. Yeah you might have to go through hell. But isnt that the whole point of marriage? Pledging that you are willing to go through hell to lift the other person out of it? You don't get married for just the good times. You have to go through the bad too.

In saying all this I am not in anyway excusing his bad behavior. He has serious problems. But I just cant understand the lack of really trying to fix the problem. Yeah it's hard work. But marriage is work. Heck, life is work. You won't ever end up happy when you run away from problems. Trust me, I've tried.

I can't understand claiming victim status because a video game. It's a video game. You don't have to play them. You don't have to buy them for people to care about. You can throw it away if it's a problem. The marriage fell apart because two people didnt even try to address the real issues. One ran away to his fake reality and the other tried trivial things without the will to address the actual problem and then gave up in despair. I am sick and tired of people pretending to be victims when they could have chosen not to be. They could have made better choices.

They both made vows to love and cherish one another through good and bad times. And they are both refusing to take responsibility for not honoring those vows.

This has to end in society. The "it's not my fault" mentality is going to destroy our society. People need to accept responsibility for their actions. I am not saying we can't be compassionate to people. But I am just sick and tired of society coddling people who are victims of their own action. and Yes I know you are going to feel some sympathy to the woman. Who wouldn't? But she had choices she could have made that could have saved her marriage. It was her choice to end it all. And that's perfectly understandable under the circumstances. I can understand why she did so.

But she is not a victim of video games. She made the choice to leave. The video game did not force her too. Nor did her husband's actions however deplorable. She left because she chose to. And we could probably make an argument that they were good reasons. I just find treating her like a victim is deplorable. How on earth can you be a victim when you make a choice?

But apparently people are responsible for their choices any more. We are all victims. It's always the fault of someone or something other than ourselves. Have we really come so far in society where two people are going to blame a video game for their failed marriage as if the game is somehow responsible rather than the people involved? Why not just face the truth? yeah its painful and not always pleasant to listen to but if we don't face the truth, then we will never be able to heal.

Abbey Marie
02-16-2008, 11:39 AM
The level of pure selfishness involved to spend that much free time day in and day out, without the spouse who longs to be with you, is the biggest problem here. I suspect that Mr. Gamer would think it's ok leave Mrs. Gamer alone all day and night every day for anything that catches his interest. Smart of her to dump him before she gets older, imo.

Avi, you said:

I just find treating her like a victim is deplorable. How on earth can you be a victim when you make a choice?
I may have missed this, but was he like this before they married? That is key in my mind in deciding whether she really made a choice here.

As for games themselves, my daughter is writing a paper on the ill effects violent video games have on players, and the stats she found in her research are pretty startling.

5stringJeff
02-16-2008, 12:08 PM
I might get 2-3 hours of video game time in each week. 2-3 hours a day would be overload. How does one play for 8 hours a day and still maintain a normal life?

Dilloduck
02-16-2008, 12:09 PM
The level of pure selfishness involved to spend that much free time day in and day out, without the spouse who longs to be with you, is the biggest problem here. I suspect that Mr. Gamer would think it's ok leave Mrs. Gamer alone all day and night every day for anything that catches his interest. Smart of her to dump him before she gets older, imo.

Avi, you said:

I may have missed this, but was he like this before they married? That is key in my mind in deciding whether she really made a choice here.

As for games themselves, my daughter is writing a paper on the ill effects violent video games have on players, and the stats she found in her research are pretty startling.

If he wasn't a gamer prior to marriage do you consider her to be stuck with him because of her wedding vows ?

gabosaurus
02-16-2008, 01:06 PM
My parents were pretty strict about their habits. They made it a point to reign each other in.
As for my sister and I, were were allowed to play video games. We weren't even allowed to use computers until we were in ninth grade. My parents did not believe we would be responsible enough to do so until then.

That has translated over to our respective marriages. My sister and her husband spend a lot of time reading and watching TV. My husband and I are in internet junkies. Quite often (such as now), we will be sitting side by side, on our respective laptops.

I personally believe it is up to each partner to control the destructive habits of the other. If this game has become such a divisive part of their marriage, why didn't she take steps to control it before? Was she, perhaps, involved in a time-consuming habit of her own?

dan
02-16-2008, 02:55 PM
I don't feel sorry for either one of them. I lost a friend to World of Warcraft (he used to get off work around 12, then play WoW until about 10 the next morning, then sleep a few hours, go to work and do it all over again). Sucks for the wife, but the writing had to have been on the wall, it's not like you wake up addicted to a game one day, y'know?

manu1959
02-16-2008, 05:48 PM
so she works at the company that made wow......she knew it was a never ending adictive game like drugs....and she gives it to him anyway.....

Abbey Marie
02-16-2008, 05:48 PM
If he wasn't a gamer prior to marriage do you consider her to be stuck with him because of her wedding vows ?

As far as I am concerned, he has already broken his vows to cherish her if he can't even spend 20 minutes with her. But if she knew this was the situation before marriage, and went ahead with the marriage, then tough for her.

What do you think?

gabosaurus
02-16-2008, 05:52 PM
I totally agree with Abbey. My husband and I dated for six years before we got married. We knew each other's flaws only too well.
The problem with little snakes is that they grow up to be big snakes. You can't marry the problem and then complain about it later.

avatar4321
02-16-2008, 05:57 PM
i just hate this attitude of victimhood. it takes two people to make the marriage work. She chose to end it. she shouldnt be treated as a victim for making her choice, whether it was right or wrong. Atleast give her the self respect to take responsibility for her actions instead of blaming it on a video game.

gabosaurus
02-16-2008, 06:02 PM
Good points, avatar.

Dilloduck
02-16-2008, 06:11 PM
As far as I am concerned, he has already broken his vows to cherish her if he can't even spend 20 minutes with her. But if she knew this was the situation before marriage, and went ahead with the mariage, then tough for her.

What do you think?

I think he's one sick puppy. Just curious how you felt about the " in sickness or in health" clause .

Sounds like it sucks for both of them.

diuretic
02-16-2008, 08:55 PM
The game must have some very powerful psychological buttons in there, I think I'll stay away from it. But I suppose the husband may have rationalised his use at first - a few hours on WoW rather than watching the tube....then it becomes a few more hours. Easy for me to say but perhaps when something can't be shared between spouses then it has to be seen as divisive. None of us should live every minute with our spouse or we'd lose our own selves but I think any successful relationship has to have a balance of shared time with "me" time in it.
If you both love to do something together then that's not a problem as it's shared, but for one to lock the other out, particularly in something as intense as an rpg (it is an rpg isn't it? WoW I mean) is just asking for trouble.

Said1
02-16-2008, 09:37 PM
She doesn't sound like she's playing the victim. She sounds like the ex-wife of any addict. He's cut down, so what? That like saying "I only have 12 beers a night now, instead of 24'. His world still revolves around something to which he is addicted, he's an addict.He probably had some disassociation problems when they met, but how many teenagers or young brides are good at crack (pun intended) psycology?

She also tried to talk to him about it, but, it seems as though he refused to acknowledge the problem, until it was too late. And besides, there are people who can fix people and their problems, it's not your wife's job to fix you. She's there to support you IF AND WHEN you decide to seek help. He obviously didn't see things from the same persepective.

Dilloduck
02-16-2008, 10:36 PM
I totally agree with Abbey. My husband and I dated for six years before we got married. We knew each other's flaws only too well.
The problem with little snakes is that they grow up to be big snakes. You can't marry the problem and then complain about it later.

Who are you kidding? People complain about marriages that went south and stay in them forever. They condemn themselves to a decision they may regret now but it's too late.