PDA

View Full Version : Formal Apology



jimnyc
03-11-2008, 05:17 PM
So I drop downstairs for awhile this afternoon and the doorbell rings. I look through the peephole and don't see anyone. Figured maybe it was a very short UPS man. I open the door and there's a fucking monkey eyeballing me from about knee height. I had to wipe my eyes as I thought maybe my medication was getting to me. Just then I hear "what the fuck is your problem, never saw a monkey before?" Great, a talking monkey, the drugs from the 80's are kicking back in and I'm hallucinating! The little bastard says he has a bone to pick with me and wants to know if he could come in. What the hell, I'm never one to turn down a monkey in my hallucinations so I let him in.

He says he was reading my board earlier today and him and the others are quite pissed off at my references to lab monkeys. I'm like "others?" He says "yeah, Frankie, Joe and Ralph over at Acme Pharmaceuticals". I ask him if these are talking monkeys too and he gets a bit pissed and states "that's what I'm talking about, you speak of us like we're stupid or something, do you think they utilize our services because we're dumb like some of the members on your board?" Just then, he hopped on my Chihuahua and took him for a ride and was yelling "giddyup, motherfucker!". I figured I better get this little bastard out of here before he does some damage.

I took him to Dunkin Donuts and ordered myself a coffee, and the little bastard figured I was paying and ordered himself a banana creme filled donut. We sat down and I asked to address his concerns. He told me it was kind of annoying that I would lump him into the same category as some nitwits as I did in the announcements section today. He told me "Hell, I'm a fucking talking monkey, and the people you compare me to obviously have a lesser understanding of the language than I do!". He said him and the others hop onto the labs computers after closing hours and love to read my board to get some laughs before watching Seinfeld and BJ and the Bear reruns. He said "look, I know it's frustrating to deal with people like that, it's hard enough for me to just read it, but it's just plain wrong to bring us up in comparison to dolts just because you're angry". I told him he was right and that I had assumed that since they were lab monkeys that they might have been a bit "dumbed down" from all the testing they've been through. He said "You'd think so, and maybe a few of them are, but they would have to get us to drink nuclear twinkies for a few years to be as dumb as that numbskull you compared us to".

He said he had to go because the boss would be back soon and he'd be in trouble if caught away again. He was already on probation because him and his buddy Sam had driven out to Nevada and kicked NM's ass just for the hell of it. He said "Fuck, I agreed to give them bastards rep points for their shit posts and get no respect in return!". He said "Look, just lay off the references about us and you won't see me anymore. But if you bring us up in the same breath as that brain dead tree stump again, I'll be forced to come back and crack your knee caps!".

As he was leaving, he said it would be nice if the kind ladies of the board would post some boobies for "the guys" to enjoy. Just passing along the message!

So, I would like to publicly apologize to all the lab monkeys out there reading this. The mere fact that you are capable of understanding what I am writing shows me you're in a different league than those I compared you to.

hjmick
03-11-2008, 05:20 PM
Beautiful man, just beautiful.

shattered
03-11-2008, 08:29 PM
I took him to Dunkin Donuts and ordered myself a coffee, and the little bastard figured I was paying and ordered himself a banana creme filled donut.

Since when does DD have banana cream donuts?

diuretic
03-11-2008, 09:01 PM
Since when does DD have banana cream donuts?

Since simian customer numbers suddenly rose sharply.

dan
03-11-2008, 09:37 PM
This was the best post in a long time on here!

Mr. P
03-11-2008, 10:18 PM
:laugh2::laugh2::laugh2: I'm gonno search announcements for monkeys! :laugh2:

jimnyc
03-12-2008, 07:02 AM
Since when does DD have banana cream donuts?

That's what I told him when he tried to place his order, but he told the Indonesian donut maker that if he didn't give him a banana creme donut he would call the INS and have him deported.

diuretic
03-12-2008, 07:13 AM
See, you let a chimp watch Planet of the Apes and suddenly you've planted an idea.

Monkeybone
03-12-2008, 07:19 AM
so uh.....where are the boobies?

Mr. P
03-12-2008, 08:08 AM
That's what I told him when he tried to place his order, but he told the Indonesian donut maker that if he didn't give him a banana creme donut he would call the INS and have him deported.

Well then who will make my favorite blueberry donuts? I'm thinking this monkey may be a problem. Maybe all talking monkeys should be deported instead of the donut makers.

Sitarro
03-12-2008, 10:42 AM
See, you let a chimp watch Planet of the Apes and suddenly you've planted an idea.

Hold on now, he said a monkey, a chimp is an ape? I was picturing a little organ grinder's monkey doing the talking....... now that's funny.

The Reverend
03-12-2008, 11:39 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Lbk-6OIFo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPWQ2ZkkHYI&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGdp6xfPyaI

Abbey Marie
03-12-2008, 11:46 AM
Jim, is this the guy at your door?

http://users.elknet.net/ljhamrin/images/donut.jpg

Abbey Marie
03-12-2008, 12:00 PM
Later that evening, in Jim's living room...


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/510K5R639YL.jpg

Hagbard Celine
03-12-2008, 12:02 PM
I don't follow.

Monkeybone
03-12-2008, 12:07 PM
i'm still waiting for the boobies....

hjmick
03-12-2008, 12:10 PM
i'm still waiting for the boobies....


http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y113/hjmc3rd/Blue-Footed-Boobies-Dancing.jpg

Monkeybone
03-12-2008, 12:10 PM
hmm. better than nothing.

Pale Rider
03-12-2008, 01:20 PM
i'm still waiting for the boobies....


hmm. better than nothing.

:boobies:

jimnyc
03-12-2008, 07:00 PM
That pesky little banana eater reached out to me once again. He only called me this time as he couldn't get away this evening. He said "Look, administrator jerk off, I'd come give you a verbal lashing again but me and the boys always get together to watch American Idol on Wednesday evenings".

I asked what his problem was that he was contacting me again so soon, coupled with the fact that I had made my apology, and he said "We appreciate your apology, but that Truthmatters retard is causing some of our friends to go a bit berserk. For some reason, they read her post and then go into a frenzy as if they are having seizures. We ask that you ban her immediately for the protection of primates worldwide". Of course I explained to him that I couldn't ban someone without good cause so he said he would place her on their ignore list.

For whatever reason, he then brought up NM again. He wanted to know why he felt upset over his last discussion about him. He told me to tell NM verbatim "Go fuck yourself if you can't take the heat you little bitch. I'll come stick a banana up your ass and make you a monkey lollipop if you don't shut the fuck up!" Sure is a nasty little monkey when he's upset!

He said "If certain posters don't start posting like they have an IQ above 50 we're going to all register for this board and form our own rep crew and annihilate the puny little humans"

Then the little fucker hung up on me!


Well then who will make my favorite blueberry donuts? I'm thinking this monkey may be a problem. Maybe all talking monkeys should be deported instead of the donut makers.

He told me to tell you "I have relatives in Georgia and if you threaten me again I will come kill your cows and make you drown in your own tobacco spit cup, ya damn hick!"

Mr. P
03-12-2008, 10:36 PM
That pesky little banana eater reached out to me once again. He only called me this time as he couldn't get away this evening. He said "Look, administrator jerk off, I'd come give you a verbal lashing again but me and the boys always get together to watch American Idol on Wednesday evenings".

I asked what his problem was that he was contacting me again so soon, coupled with the fact that I had made my apology, and he said "We appreciate your apology, but that Truthmatters retard is causing some of our friends to go a bit berserk. For some reason, they read her post and then go into a frenzy as if they are having seizures. We ask that you ban her immediately for the protection of primates worldwide". Of course I explained to him that I couldn't ban someone without good cause so he said he would place her on their ignore list.

For whatever reason, he then brought up NM again. He wanted to know why he felt upset over his last discussion about him. He told me to tell NM verbatim "Go fuck yourself if you can't take the heat you little bitch. I'll come stick a banana up your ass and make you a monkey lollipop if you don't shut the fuck up!" Sure is a nasty little monkey when he's upset!

He said "If certain posters don't start posting like they have an IQ above 50 we're going to all register for this board and form our own rep crew and annihilate the puny little humans"

Then the little fucker hung up on me!



He told me to tell you "I have relatives in Georgia and if you threaten me again I will come kill your cows and make you drown in your own tobacco spit cup, ya damn hick!"

:laugh2: Made me laugh so hard I swallerd my chew!! :laugh2: Bring er on monkey, I'll show ya how we mash balls downa here, iffen ya got any, ya hear? Then YOU can buy me a blueberry donut from that nice dot head down da road. :laugh2: