View Full Version : Interview with "Lab Monkey"

03-22-2008, 11:55 AM
Lab Monkey started off as a joke, a reference to one of our "dim bulb" members. I had no idea just how far reaching this site was and how I could offend "someone" with a snide reference. Well, "lab monkey" is no joke and is as real as can be. I found that out the hard way when he visited my home last week, as told in my thread in the chat section.

We've since had a few discussions and I can tell he's quite a personable character. He's a no nonsense monkey though and has very little tolerance of others. Nonetheless, he's much more intelligent than I had originally given him credit for and has been quite an asset to the board as an analyst. His advice and vision for the board as of late have been of much help.

Where were you born and how did you end up at Acme Pharmaceuticals?

I was born and raised in the deep jungles of Africa. My parents and grandparents have lived there all their lives. It was a few years back that I had read a few opinion pieces blaming us for the spread of aids. Apparently my cousin Beelzebub was raped by one of the local tribeseman and this is how the disease started. I would hardly call it our fault though as we didn't ask to become "lovers" with the locals. It was then that I decided to travel to the greatest country in the world and try to spread the "truth". It was harder than I thought to survive in THIS jungle, so I took a job at Acme to help make ends meet. Free room and board, free use of the computer and all the drugs I can ingest!

And just how did you find out about Debate Policy?

The guys and I were surfing the 'net one evening while drunk, and were having a blast joining DU and poking fun at the kooks there, but we quickly grew tired of being banned for admitting we were conservatives. I then did a search on Google for political debate forums and looked around for a few before finding your great site.

And why have you not officially joined the board as a member?

Are you insane? I wouldn't be caught associating with truthmatters if you gave me a lifetime supply of bananas! That woman, and I use that term loosely, is one piece of plastic short of those plastic thingies you use to hold together a six pack of beer! I'm content just to remain an avid reader.

After your initial contacting of me to resolve the poor analogy I used, why have you continued to stay in touch with me?

Jim, truth be told, I can feel the frustration running through your veins whenever I see you debate with that simpleton. I think after a few thousand posts back and forth with her that you are starting to lose it. I like you, I truly do, and I felt it my duty to offer my assistance before you ended up in a psychiatric unit. I thought I can offer some valued advice on how you can deal with her, as I have experience since I grew up along side apes, donkeys & all sorts of nagging little insects and critters.

What can I do to avoid dealing with an endless infestation of such members?

Holy crap, Jim, do you need me to spell it out for you? How about you have an IQ limitation in order to join the board? Say, around 30 or so. If you had done this long ago you would never have had to deal with the likes of that dolt.

Would you not consider this censorship and/or discrimination?

Absolutely not. This is America, Jim, and you don't have to deal with idiots if you don't want to. It's just that kind of stupidity that is slowly eating away at the fabric of society.

If you've been reading my board for so long now, what are your thoughts on the complaints about unfairness and poor moderation?

Tough shit! If they don't like it, head for the hills. If they can't stand the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen. If you don't like being called stupid, then don't be stupid. Jim, I've watched how you have dealt with the community as a whole and think you have done a stellar job. Don't let a few dopes who can't comprehend a simple, short list of rules bring you down.

I'm in a rush, so I have to end it here, but do you have any thing you would like to say to the community?

Yes, you can all bite my hairy ass! Bunch of damn idiots typing away until your fingers bleed thinking you'll make some sort of change. You bunch of naive dumb fuckers! You dipshits can't even stop responding to a tree stump like truthmatters, and yet somehow you think you'll make a difference in this cruel world? Grow a set of stones and start stating it like it is. And if I see any of you pinheads quoting any of her lunatic rants again I will visit you and make a banana milkshake out of your asses. My Lord, don't make me read that tripe twice!