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The Bare Knuckled Pundit
06-26-2008, 08:39 PM
Kim - my beautiful wife and weary sounding board – was reading the paper last night and came across a story about Hillary Clinton’s voluminous and record-setting campaign debt. She remarked she believed millionaires that seek public office and run up astronomical debts in the process should be responsible for them themselves.

Hear, hear!

Sadly, while I completely agree with the principal and logic, as I tell my Political Science classes, theory and reality sometimes don’t jibe well. Clearly, this is one of those times.

We then talked about how Barack Obama, being magnanimous in victory, had given his major contributors the nod to assist Mrs. Clinton with her outstanding debts should they feel compelled to do so. However, when quarried as to whether or not he would go to the well of his 1.6 million plus on-line donors, the presumptive Democratic nominee demurred. Stating that he seriously doubts they’d be able to assist the junior Senator from New York with her cumbersome debt, he nonetheless had no doubts she would be a diligent do-bee on the campaign trail this coming fall.

Can you feel the love and party unity?

Odd isn’t it that the good Senator believes his supporters can provide him considerably more than the $85 million in public campaign financing for the upcoming fall crusade, but they aren’t able to produce a paltry $10-12 million to help Handout Hillary. Surely if they passed a hat among the on-line throngs of Obama faithful they could knock this out in no time flat.

And then it hit me, friends.

Towards the end of the primary season Hillary ran an ad and added a section to her stump speech where she stated she had received more votes in the primaries than any other candidate in American history. When you add up the 42 states that conducted primaries as well as the totals from the caucuses, she received 17,616,502 votes. Impressive, indeed.

If the defeated yet devout legions of Hillary’s valkyries all contributed but one dollar, all of her vendors could be made whole and she would recoup roughly half of the $12 million she loaned her campaign.

Were they to splurge and send two dollars, not only could she completely retire her debts and repay her loan in full, she would also have seed money for 2012. By a cool twist of irony not only will it be the next presidential cycle, but her Senate seat is also up.

Decision, decisions.

Personally, I’d recommend Hillary go a little deeper in the hole and run some radio and television ads rallying the faithful and passing the collection plate. She still has a contribution banner on her website that takes up about a fourth of her home page. So clearly she’s not shy about the fact that she could use a hand. Or 22 million, to be precise.

I can see it now…….

The ad opens with a face shot of Hillary.

She smiles and says, “Over the course of the past 18 months I’ve had the honor of meeting so many of you; my fellow Americans. Crossing the country from Maine to California, Michigan (which I won) to Texas, West Virginia to Wyoming and countless towns and cities near and far, I had the privilege of hearing their hopes and dreams.”

The camera pulls out to show an elderly couple standing beside Hillary.

“Dreams like those of Harriet and Benjamin Nussbaum. Owners of Nussbaum’s Deli in Poughkeepsie, New York, Harriet and Ben dream of leaving the business they built from the ground up over the past 30 years to their family.”

Camera shifts momentarily to the Nussbaums who nod in agreement.

“But the Nussbaum’s dream is threatened tonight by a morally bankrupt electoral system that forced me to spend millions of dollars in an ultimately vain attempt to continue to humbly serve you, the American people. Along the way hard choices had to made and priorities established. Sadly, not paying the Nussbaums the $7,865.28 the campaign owed them for catering a town hall meeting was one of those hard choices.”

Hillary looks at the Nussbaums sympathetically, then smiles.

“But America is the land of hope, you know. In the primaries, I received nearly 18 million votes. More than I had ever hoped for, but sadly, not quite enough. Tonight I want to invite you, the 18 million Americans that understood the need for strong, experienced leadership, to help me keep the dreams of the Nussbaums and thousands of other Americans alive.”

Camera shifts to the Nussbaums, now smiling, then back to Hillary.

“For less than the cost of a cup of coffee, you can make a difference in the lives of people just like Harriet and Ben. Your donation of one dollar will allow these people to receive what they’ve worked so long and hard for. The generosity of your small contribution will allow me to pay off my historic debts and keep hope alive”

“As I’ve said in the past, this isn’t about me. It’s about good people across this great land of ours. People like Harriet, Ben and their family. Join with me, won’t you, so together we can keep the American dream alive for them and generations to come.”

Camera pulls out to show Hillary surrounded by the entire Nussbaum family, smiling adoringly, then fades into an image of the American flag blowing in the wind as “America the Beautiful” plays in the background.

“This message was approved by me and thousands of business owners across our great country,” Hillary says as the screen fades to black.

Yes, faithful readers, you too can keep hope alive! Send your checks, spare change, unused gold jewelry and mineral rights deeds to the Bare Knuckled Pundit today and help me stay on the ramparts vigilantly standing guard against Freedom’s foes!

Cue “Battle Hymn of the Republic” and stay tuned for further updates as the donations come pouring in and hope breathes anew.