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jimnyc
10-26-2008, 09:21 AM
Mom was discharged from the hospital this past week and was transferred to an extended care rehab unit - pre-approved for 2 weeks minimum by Medicare. We don't know the future of the stay and how much Medicare will cover after that, if any at all.

As a family, we've been working together to try and figure out where Mom will reside permanently once fully released. She is dead set against a plain "nursing home" but it's obvious that she'll need more or less around the clock care once released. She would prefer a place that is less "hospital like" and more like her own place, but with staff on hand for emergencies and assistance. Affordability comes into play and what Medicare will do to assist long term. Social workers are in need of endless documents to try and get her into facilities that fit her criteria. They want 3 years of bank statements, 3 years of tax returns, pay stubs, copy of her divorce decree... basically anything and everything that would be financially related. She does not have most of this stuff, and again as a family we are working to gather what is needed.

I went yesterday and spent quite a bit of time cleaning her apartment and tossing out anything and everything that would even resemble "garbage". All sentimental things set aside in one box, clothes in another and documents in yet another. Still, TONS of cleaning remains. I'm talking about scrubbing walls, sinks, toilet, shower/tub, refrigerator, computer desk area... I want everything to be smoke free, dust free & mold free. We also want to have her carpet replaced.

Should we not have a place for her to go when released, I am going to have her go back "home" and I will move in with her until we can find suitable care for her. I will likely be going this Wednesday to stay for multiple days to continue cleaning and doing whatever I have to do to gather all of her documentation - which may require phone calls, forms mailed out with checks, visits to court houses, Trenton NJ for tax info & maybe even my Dad's lawyer from well over 20 years ago for a copy of their divorce decree.

I only will move in with her because she's my Mom and I love her to death, but it will be very trying times. Caring for someone who has difficulty even sitting up in bed, let alone getting to the bathroom or shower is going to be quite difficult. But my hope is that family will band together to make her transition to an appropriate home for her painless, and quick.

I think I'm more nervous than the woman who just had triple bypass surgery!

red states rule
10-26-2008, 09:24 AM
Jim, as always, your mom is in my prayers. I wish her, you, and the rest of the family only the best

Kathianne
10-26-2008, 09:55 AM
What RSR said. If you need moral support, you know we're all here for Joan and you.

red states rule
10-26-2008, 10:04 AM
What RSR said. If you need moral support, you know we're all here for Joan and you.

Ditto Jim - anything I can do

Abbey
10-26-2008, 10:40 AM
You are a wonderful son, Jim. Not everyone would disrupt their lives to this extent. Joan will be so touched, and proud of how she raised you.

LiberalNation
10-26-2008, 12:35 PM
Not everyone would disrupt their lives to this extent.
Most can't, they have jobs and other responsiblities that prevents them from providing for someone who needs around the clock care.

Good for you Jim. Avoid standard nursing homes as long as possible but realize there may be no other options in the long term unless you have a huge bank account or she does.

retiredman
10-26-2008, 01:54 PM
your mom is a lucky lady to have a son like you. You both are in my thoughts and in my prayers!

Yurt
10-26-2008, 05:43 PM
good lord. you are living one of my biggest fears. in lawschool i took elder law and part of the class involved visiting elder care homes in and around salem oregon. i thought i would know a thing or three more than my classmates (very small class) as i was a waiter/dishwasher at an old folks home in SLO in my youth. bull, i had no clue. i am amazed at the different levels of care and how much $$ is costs to run those facilities.

never an easy choice, never. especially 24/7 care. you could pool your money and get a bigger house with part time care, so as to give you 24/7 care and yet you can still care for her at times, thus reducing costs.

i am sure you will tackle this with the same aplomb you tackle your everyday life.

dmp
10-27-2008, 10:48 AM
Most can't, they have jobs and other responsiblities that prevents them from providing for someone who needs around the clock care.

it's RARELY "Can't". It's ALMOST ALWAYS "won't".


Cost of living is low down here....move the family to Alabama, Jim :)

LiberalNation
10-27-2008, 02:19 PM
If you have a family and kids that require support you can't just up and quit your job to take care of someone usually. Are their ways, sure, but not without other equally important people to you suffering.

dmp
10-27-2008, 03:36 PM
If you have a family and kids that require support you can't just up and quit your job to take care of someone usually. Are their ways, sure, but not without other equally important people to you suffering.

Depends on your priorities. (shrug).

emmett
10-27-2008, 04:39 PM
Jim....


I wish you the best as well and would like to make a couple of suggestions if I may.


Not knowing you or your mom I don't know about her residence so I may sound dumb but I'll tell you something I have seen lately that seems to be catching on. How many bedrooms does your mom's place have? Could you possibly be in a situation where you could trade living arrangements with a small salary to someone who could live in and share the responsibilities with you and/or maybe a third person if there were two more bedrooms. Possibly nursing students ???? Maybe offer a full time live in arrangement to one and a fill in to the other or some combination mixed with your own more limited daily involvement so as to not disrupt as much of your day to day requirements as possible. This would allow you to personally oversee the care given to her and possibly offer an alternative to your worry about she would be treated in a conventional "nursing home".

I would have to think that it would be more financially feasible than full time care in a specialized facility and possibly be more comfortable for mom to be at her home! Like I said I have no knowledge of your personal life so I am guessing stupid here but just merely wanting to offer a suggestion that could be considered if possible. I know you love your mom, I lost my mom a few years ago and do carry some burdens of wishing I had done better for her in later years.

Hang in there, your a good cat man! I'm sure your mom knows you are trying for her and that probably does more for her than anything!

LiberalNation
10-27-2008, 04:57 PM
That's a good sugestion I hadn't heard before. People hire people to sit with their relatives all the time but trading a free room/cheap rent for care could also work. Just have to be careful of the person.