PDA

View Full Version : To the guy who mugged me.... (from Craig's List)



Little-Acorn
01-15-2009, 01:13 PM
http://savannah.craigslist.org/search/rnr?query=mugged

------------------------

To the guy who mugged me downtown, Savannah...

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you
somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had
just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had
just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful
pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head,
isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,
cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of
your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty
of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell,
and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on
your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie
Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the
wallet itself in a dumpster. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from
your cell.
They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel
recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little
over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they
haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some
threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.

Oh well. So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you
when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to
help you out.

I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What
brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to
apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home
humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in
life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message,
email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

- Alex

-----------------------------------

This apparently WAS posted on Craig's List in Savannah, GA, around New year's Day 2009. Seems to have expired (which such posts can do after a week or so in larger metro areas). But there are a couple of replies to it, still there.

It's probably a joke. But it's an excellent one.

Joe Steel
01-16-2009, 08:12 AM
...I also bought myself some gas on your card.

...

I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.

...
- Alex


Dear Alex:

Don't worry about it. When you stole gas with my credit card, the surveillance camera got your license number.

I know where you live and I'll be seeing you soon.

- Your new "friend."

Little-Acorn
01-16-2009, 12:53 PM
the surveillance camera got your license number.

I know where you live and I'll be seeing you soon.

- Your new "friend."

Let that be a lesson to you, Alex.

When someone credibly threatens your life and the lives of the ones you love, and then you're able to put a gun in his face, pull the trigger.

Nukeman
01-16-2009, 01:24 PM
Dear Alex:

Don't worry about it. When you stole gas with my credit card, the surveillance camera got your license number.

I know where you live and I'll be seeing you soon.

- Your new "friend."

Dear new friend,

I would encourage you to come over so we can discuss this like adults.

Ohh I will remind you that I still have the Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol I received for Christmas. Been dying to try it out... No pun intended..

Alex..

Joe Steel
01-16-2009, 02:10 PM
Dear new friend,

I would encourage you to come over so we can discuss this like adults.

Ohh I will remind you that I still have the Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol I received for Christmas. Been dying to try it out... No pun intended..

Alex..

Dear Alex:

Does your gun make you feel invincible? Does it make you think you're immortal?

Do you think I don't have a gun or don't know to get one? Do you think you can use a gun better than me?

Just wondering.

- Your new "friend."

emmett
01-16-2009, 05:14 PM
Dear New Friend,

YES YES YES YES and YES!

Alex



PS - Tell Joe not to hide in the bushes next time!