-Cp
03-16-2009, 03:31 AM
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier. As Men are like:
Parking Spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
Snowstorms: You never know when they are coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
Plungers: They spend most of their time in the hardware store or the bathroom.
Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and they are always wrong.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None! It should be opened when she brings it!
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
machine will probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-----------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning,
God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier. As Men are like:
Parking Spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
Snowstorms: You never know when they are coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
Plungers: They spend most of their time in the hardware store or the bathroom.
Horoscopes: They always tell you what to do, and they are always wrong.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None! It should be opened when she brings it!
----------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
machine will probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them
to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
------------------------------------------- ---------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
---- ------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
---------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-----------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning,
God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.