namvet
01-09-2011, 09:52 PM
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351:
"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have
You ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very
Long takeoff queue: "I'm
f....ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last
Aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said
I was f....ing bored, not f....ing
Stupid!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country
Flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft
On radar, ATC asked, "What
Was your last known position?"
Student: "When I
Was number one for takeoff."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had
An exceedingly long roll out after touching
Down. San Jose
Tower Noted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance
In Munich , overheard the
Following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground,
What is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you
Want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am
a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in
A beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern
702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
On frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: " Tower,
Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By
The way, after we lifted off we saw some kind
Of dead animal on the far end of the
Runway."
Tower: "Continental 635,
Cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
Contact Departure on frequency 124.7.. Did you
Copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental
635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
We copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was
Told by the tower to hold short of the active
Runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
Rolled out, turned around, and taxied back
Past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian
In the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What
a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult
Go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it
Out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The German air controllers at Frankfurt
Airport are renowned as a
Short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to
Know one's gate parking location, but how
To get there without any assistance from
Them. So it was with some amusement that
We (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
Exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground:
""" "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway
And slowed to a stop.
>
Ground: " Speedbird,
Do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: " Stand
by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
Location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): " Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt
Before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): " Yes,
Twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While taxiing at London 's airport, the
crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and
came nose to nose with a United 727..
An irate female ground controller lashed
out at the US Air crew, screaming:
" US Air
2771, where the hell are you going? I told
you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I
know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew,
she was now shouting hysterically:
" God! Now you've
screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and
don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about
half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where
I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
" Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications
frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal
bashing of US Air 2771.. Nobody wanted to
chance engaging the irate ground controller in
her current state of mind.. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was
definitely running high. Just then an unknown
pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Delta 351:
"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have
You ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very
Long takeoff queue: "I'm
f....ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last
Aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said
I was f....ing bored, not f....ing
Stupid!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country
Flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft
On radar, ATC asked, "What
Was your last known position?"
Student: "When I
Was number one for takeoff."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had
An exceedingly long roll out after touching
Down. San Jose
Tower Noted:
"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance
In Munich , overheard the
Following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground,
What is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you
Want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am
a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in
A beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war!"
>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern
702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
On frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: " Tower,
Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By
The way, after we lifted off we saw some kind
Of dead animal on the far end of the
Runway."
Tower: "Continental 635,
Cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
Contact Departure on frequency 124.7.. Did you
Copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental
635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,
We copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was
Told by the tower to hold short of the active
Runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
Rolled out, turned around, and taxied back
Past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian
In the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What
a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult
Go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it
Out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The German air controllers at Frankfurt
Airport are renowned as a
Short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to
Know one's gate parking location, but how
To get there without any assistance from
Them. So it was with some amusement that
We (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
Exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird
206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
Ground:
""" "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway
And slowed to a stop.
>
Ground: " Speedbird,
Do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: " Stand
by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
Location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): " Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt
Before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): " Yes,
Twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While taxiing at London 's airport, the
crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and
came nose to nose with a United 727..
An irate female ground controller lashed
out at the US Air crew, screaming:
" US Air
2771, where the hell are you going? I told
you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You
turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I
know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew,
she was now shouting hysterically:
" God! Now you've
screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and
don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
progressive taxi instructions in about
half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where
I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
" Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications
frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal
bashing of US Air 2771.. Nobody wanted to
chance engaging the irate ground controller in
her current state of mind.. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was
definitely running high. Just then an unknown
pilot broke the silence and keyed his
microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------