CPTSD Discussion

[SassyLady]

Has anyone else been diagnosed with this condition? I think it would help others to hear what some of the symptoms and coping skills are with relation to this condition and what might have caused it.

WindSong asked me this:


Do you have Stockholm Syndrome/Trauma Bonding/ Trauma re-enactment with it?

No one has referred to it with those labels yet. We are talking about the hypervigiliance at this time.

I was not held captive in the sense of being locked up. I was held captive in a sense of responsibility (entrapment) for my siblings (I am the oldest). We were abused by my stepfather (who did go to jail for it). The abuse was physical, psychological, emotional and sexual. My mother participated in all but the sexual.

I am currently discussing with my therapist the use of EMDR.

[Wind Song]

EMDR is a helpful modality for PTSD. I've done it a considerable amount. In my case, my trauma was so severe that I have had to go very slowly. I dissociate quite a bit. There is a forum for people with PTSD.

Sometimes it helps to be able to talk to other people who are going through similar things. You can feel very isolated in it. I have a loving spouse who is really there for me but when I'm at my worst I still feel alone.

Healing is slow and humbling.

Sometimes my dissociation is evident in my posting. Someone will tell me I've said something or other but I don't remember it. "I" wasn't there when I wrote it.

[SassyLady]

EMDR is a helpful modality for PTSD. I've done it a considerable amount. In my case, my trauma was so severe that I have had to go very slowly. I dissociate quite a bit. There is a forum for people with PTSD.

Sometimes it helps to be able to talk to other people who are going through similar things. You can feel very isolated in it. I gave a loving spouse who is really there for me but when I'm at my worst I still feel alone.

Healing is slow and humbling.

I have participated in individual and group counseling. I even sat on a panel that told our stories and answered questions for nursing students. The group therapy was very helpful. We confronted abusers (not our own) and were able to vent and also able to call them on their shit when they tried to justify their actions.

[Wind Song]

I have participated in individual and group counseling. I even sat on a panel that told our stories and answered questions for nursing students. The group therapy was very helpful. We confronted abusers (not our own) and were able to vent and also able to call them on their shit when they tried to justify their actions.

My therapy is on-going. I've never been in a group of people with PTSD, nor on a panel for it. That was probably helpful to be able to confront abusers.

This is scary as hell to discuss this publically. It's funny. I work in the field, and just last week interviewed for a job to supervise MH clients in a volunteer position. The whole point of the program is for people with MH problems to work with people with MH problems. Inspite of the slick brochure discussing the stigma of mental illness I was unable to disclose my own in that interview.

I could talk for a long time about trauma bonding and how that has worked affected me while posting on political forums.

[SassyLady]

My therapy is on-going. I've never been in a group of people with PTSD, nor on a panel for it. That was probably helpful to be able to confront abusers.

This is scary as hell to discuss this publically. It's funny. I work in the field, and just last week interviewed for a job to supervise MH clients in a volunteer position. The whole point of the program is for people with MH problems to work with people with MH problems. Inspite of the slick brochure discussing the stigma of mental illness I was unable to disclose my own in that interview.

LOL! I've never had a problem discussing this publicly. I feel that if I can help only one person by telling my story, then I've accomplished more than I hoped.

I, too, am in on-going therapy. The group therapy was over 20 years ago. Even though I had moved through that phase and learned new coping skills, the PTSD is so deeply embedded that twice since then I've gone through deep depression.

With the divorce, my sister dying, possibly having to move from what was to be my home for the rest of my life (lived here for 20 years and it's in the beautiful wine country of N. CA and will probably end up in Tucson, AZ), and thinking about trying to find a job at my age.....yep, very depressing.

[Wind Song]

LOL! I've never had a problem discussing this publicly. I feel that if I can help only one person by telling my story, then I've accomplished more than I hoped.

I, too, am in on-going therapy. The group therapy was over 20 years ago. Even though I had moved through that phase and learned new coping skills, the PTSD is so deeply embedded that twice since then I've gone through deep depression.

With the divorce, my sister dying, possibly having to move from what was to be my home for the rest of my life (lived here for 20 years and it's in the beautiful wine country of N. CA and will probably end up in Tucson, AZ), and thinking about trying to find a job at my age.....yep, very depressing.


Good for you. I'm glad you've been able to tell your story. I'm so sorry about everything you're going through now, divorce, losing your sister, leaving your home, trying to find work in this economy. Very difficult, all of it.

[logroller]

LOL! I've never had a problem discussing this publicly. I feel that if I can help only one person by telling my story, then I've accomplished more than I hoped.

I, too, am in on-going therapy. The group therapy was over 20 years ago. Even though I had moved through that phase and learned new coping skills, the PTSD is so deeply embedded that twice since then I've gone through deep depression.

With the divorce, my sister dying, possibly having to move from what was to be my home for the rest of my life (lived here for 20 years and it's in the beautiful wine country of N. CA and will probably end up in Tucson, AZ), and thinking about trying to find a job at my age.....yep, very depressing.
I happy you can, and do, talk about it. Nobody should feel any sense of shame for what someone/ something else has done to them. Sad you'll maybe leave Cali...I've a guest room.

[Wind Song]

I happy you can, and do, talk about it. Nobody should feel any sense of shame for what someone/ something else has done to them. Sad you'll maybe leave Cali...I've a guest room.

I know you're not talking to me, but these are very kind sentiments. Thank you for offering them to Sassy.

[SassyLady]

I happy you can, and do, talk about it. Nobody should feel any sense of shame for what someone/ something else has done to them. Sad you'll maybe leave Cali...I've a guest room.

Thank you Logroller.....I've never had shame about what was done to me. Just guilt. Guilt for letting the SOB live, guilt for not protecting my siblings and the major guilt of leaving them all behind when I got a chance to get out.

Boy, if I didn't have so many memories of that county you live in I might take you up on it!!! Your place is about half-way between here and Tucson. I have family still living in your town, so I'll try and stop to have coffee sometime when I'm down there.

For those of you who know about my sister and have given your kind words and thoughts over the last few years, I just want to clarify ... she hasn't passed away. She is still battling the cancer and has been for eight years. Started out as breast cancer when she was 38 and has metastasized into her bones and organs. Two years ago she had heart attack and renal failure and we almost lost her then. She is a fighter. I would have given up long ago rather than go through what she goes through with the chemo and radiation.

She goes in for a biopsy of a new tumor found in her right lung. She had one in the left lung that had a cyber-knife used on it last fall. She is working on getting things checked off her bucket list. Skydiving was one of them.

[Wind Song]

Looking forward to more of your insights about CPTSD.

Was there anything else you wanted to discuss on this topic?

[SassyLady]

Was there anything else you wanted to discuss on this topic?

I believe I was the last to share and was waiting for you to share.

[Wind Song]

Oh, I don't know if it's such a good idea. I'm not sure what direction to take this. How do you see a thread like this going? Did you happen to check out the PTSD forum? They have a section called "Trauma Diaries". I've posted there and shared my story.

I'm not sure this forum is an appropriate place for that kind of thing.

I could talk about Trauma Bonding, what I've learned about it, and how it functions in my life. Or dissociative states, or EMDR.

Or even the issue of trust.

[SassyLady]

Oh, I don't know if it's such a good idea. I'm not sure what direction to take this. How do you see a thread like this going? Did you happen to check out the PTSD forum? They have a section called "Trauma Diaries". I've posted there and shared my story.

I'm not sure this forum is an appropriate place for that kind of thing.

I could talk about Trauma Bonding, what I've learned about it, and how it functions in my life. Or dissociative states, or EMDR.

Or even the issue of trust.

Tell me about EMDR because my therapist has suggested it.

[Wind Song]

Tell me about EMDR because my therapist has suggested it.


Ok, what is it you want to know?

It's goes like this. The therapist has a box that has lights going across and paddles which vibrate alternately in each hand and earphones that do alternate tones in each ear.

The therapist works a long time with you to establish a safe place. (that's a whole topic in itself) and once the safe place is there then you go into a trauma memory, for trauma reduction or you go into a state you're trying to establish as a resource.

You've already told the therapist your story and you pick different memories to reduce the charge around.

Hope that helps.

[SassyLady]

Well, I don't seem to dwell on memories so not sure if this will help.

I seem to keep getting into situations where I feel I need to be the savior and when I'm not successful at "protecting" I crash and burn. I take on the big sister role in the organizations I work for ... fighting for the rights of the siblings (employees) against the dysfunctional parents (supervisory staff/owners). As the accountant and/or HR manager of the organization I see and know things that are not public knowledge and I eat myself up inside about the injustice of the situation.

So, I keep recreating my family dynamics in my work environment because subconsciously I keep hoping that I can have a different result. But I keep repeating the same behavior ... I leave rather than stay to be a part of the dysfunction. And then I feel guilt for abandoning those I couldn't help.

Not sure how the EMDR will help, but it's on the agenda to discuss at my next session.

[Wind Song]

Well, I don't seem to dwell on memories so not sure if this will help.

I seem to keep getting into situations where I feel I need to be the savior and when I'm not successful at "protecting" I crash and burn. I take on the big sister role in the organizations I work for ... fighting for the rights of the siblings (employees) against the dysfunctional parents (supervisory staff/owners). As the accountant and/or HR manager of the organization I see and know things that are not public knowledge and I eat myself up inside about the injustice of the situation.

So, I keep recreating my family dynamics in my work environment because subconsciously I keep hoping that I can have a different result. But I keep repeating the same behavior ... I leave rather than stay to be a part of the dysfunction. And then I feel guilt for abandoning those I couldn't help.

Not sure how the EMDR will help, but it's on the agenda to discuss at my next session.


Sure, discuss it with your therapist.

So here's this great thread and I can't really post on it. I'm not going to share what I'm working on because it will just give people fuel to use against me.

[SassyLady]

So here's this great thread and I can't really post on it. I'm not going to share what I'm working on because it will just give people fuel to use against me.

Some people perhaps, but not everyone. The whole point of me sharing this with you is to show you that you are not the only one with PTSD. I have it and I don't believe anyone here will ever use it against me. Why? Because I don't use it to excuse my behavior.

[Wind Song]

Some people perhaps, but not everyone. The whole point of me sharing this with you is to show you that you are not the only one with PTSD. I have it and I don't believe anyone here will ever use it against me. Why? Because I don't use it to excuse my behavior.


Good for you. If you want to know how I feel about it, go to the Poem Home thread and read the poem about Hard Rock.

EMDR today.

It's supposed to help get the two sides of the brain talking to each other again. The broca area of the brain.

Triggers.

Certain experiences bring back nightmares and traumatic flashbacks. It's possible to get stuck in memory and for it to feel as though the memory is real in the present.

How EMDR works is that it bi-laterally stimulates the two sides of the brain.

[SassyLady]

Sleeping is a trigger for me.

My stepdad would come into our room when he got home from the bar. He would be drunk and sneak in and molest us while we were sleeping. I learned at an early age that it was not safe to sleep. I needed to be awake so when he came into room I could jump up and turn on the light and face him down.

I remember the first time I was put to sleep to have my wisdom teeth removed. When I woke up I started screaming bloody murder when I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that I had lost time ... and at first didn't realize that I was no longer a child living at home. The minute I remembered I was an adult and that he was dead I abruptly stopped screaming. However, it happens to me every time I go under for a surgery. For a brief moment I wake up screaming.

I was in my 50's before I actually got a good night's sleep .... it was the first time I was not aware of time passing while I was dozing. I had discovered Ambien. I've been taking it every night for the last 8 years.

[Wind Song]

Criticism is a trigger for me. My aunt said horrible things to me when I was a kid while she beat me and slammed my head against the wall.

She told me I was "useless", should have "never been born",

[tailfins]

Criticism is a trigger for me. My aunt said horrible things to me when I was a kid while she beat me and slammed my head against the wall.

She told me I was "useless", should have "never been born",


I had siblings from my mom's first marriage that were insulting like that. Since the last one moved out when I was two, there was always the option of either closing the door to my room or find something to do outside. One of their kids (an older nephew as it were) got violent and I filed criminal charges. Why couldn't you just cut your aunt off, prosecute and/or file a no-contact order against her? It really paid off that my dad who was a cop had to take me to court with him since there was no one to watch me. By the time I was eight, I understood and was comfortable with what goes on in a court room.

[Wind Song]

I had siblings from my mom's first marriage that were insulting like that. Since the last one moved out when I was two, there was always the option of either closing the door to my room or find something to do outside. One of their kids (an older nephew as it were) got violent and I filed criminal charges. Why couldn't you just cut your aunt off, prosecute and/or file a no-contact order against her? It really paid off that my dad who was a cop had to take me to court with him since there was no one to watch me. By the time I was eight, I understood and was comfortable with what goes on in a court room.

I went to live with her when I was five. She tortured me in every way she could think of, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I got the silent treatment, I was afraid of the dark so she'd lock me in the unlit attic. She terrorized me. She would take me by the hair and slam my head repeatedly against a wall. She'd send me to school with make up on my bruises.

She particularly liked any kind of humiliation that she could think of. When I wet the bed, she would make me strip off my clothes and then she'd shove me outside the back door naked and crying and all my friends would see me hanging up my soiled sheets and clothes.

She was always taking things away from me. I was imprisoned, more or less in solitary confinement.

She'd make long lists of my "offenses" so that when my father came to visit he'd have to spank me and yell at me. My father used to pretend he was spanking me. It was horrible for him too. He'd get a pass from the mental hospital to see me and my aunt would do nothing but complain about having to take care of me and what an evil child I was.

It was on and on and relentless for years. I finally went to live with my father when I was 15. It's amazing that woman didn't kill me. She certainly wanted to. She was similar to the character in "Mommie Dearest". She was terrifying.

[logroller]

I went to live with her when I was five. She tortured me in every way she could think of, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I got the silent treatment, I was afraid of the dark so she'd lock me in the unlit attic. She terrorized me. She would take me by the hair and slam my head repeatedly against a wall. She'd send me to school with make up on my bruises.

She particularly liked any kind of humiliation that she could think of. When I wet the bed, she would make me strip off my clothes and then she'd shove me outside the back door naked and crying and all my friends would see me hanging up my soiled sheets and clothes.

She was always taking things away from me. I was imprisoned, more or less in solitary confinement.

She'd make long lists of my "offenses" so that when my father came to visit he'd have to spank me and yell at me. My father used to pretend he was spanking me. It was horrible for him too. He'd get a pass from the mental hospital to see me and my aunt would do nothing but complain about having to take care of me and what an evil child I was.

It was on and on and relentless for years. I finally went to live with my father when I was 15. It's amazing that woman didn't kill me. She certainly wanted to. She was similar to the character in "Mommie Dearest". She was terrifying.
Would/could/did you ever forgive her?

[Wind Song]

Would/could/did you ever forgive her?

Forgiveness is easy. Getting over the trauma, much less so. I've been working lately on the deep wounds that lie beneath my rage.

Lot's of grief work there. So much loss. Her words hurt me much more than anything she did to me physically.

That's what happens to me now. I get triggered and react as if the same threat was happening in the present.

[logroller]

Forgiveness is easy. Getting over the trauma, much less so. I've been working lately on the deep wounds that lie beneath my rage.

Lot's of grief work there. So much loss. Her words hurt me much more than anything she did to me physically.

That's what happens to me now. I get triggered and react as if the same threat was happening in the present.

Forgiveness is easy? Compared with dealing with the trauma I understand; but I don't even know her and I hate her and hope wherever she is, she's suffering. Suppose it's all part of the healing process. Did you ever confront her and actually tell her you forgave her?

[tailfins]

Her words hurt me much more than anything she did to me physically.

That's what happens to me now. I get triggered and react as if the same threat was happening in the present.

It's a shame you never learned the skill of "translating" words into noise. I guess it's never too late to start. I got to the point with my half-siblings where someone could ask "What did they just say?" and I honestly couldn't tell you. I know it drove them nuts, which was a nice payoff. If I don't like somebody, they may as well be speaking Martian.

[Wind Song]

Forgiveness is easy? Compared with dealing with the trauma I understand; but I don't even know her and I hate her and hope wherever she is, she's suffering. Suppose it's all part of the healing process. Did you ever confront her and actually tell her you forgave her?


She suffered for her cruelty. Her daughter is a right to life extremist. My aunt had a massive stroke and wanted to die. My cousin had a feeding tube put in her and she lived in bed, unable to speak or walk, lying in her own waste for eight years.

No, I never confronted my aunt about her abuse. Her daughter, my cousin and she were exceptionally evil and co-perpetrators of my abuse.

I have nothing to do with my cousin, and I barely talk to my sister, once a year. They all think I deserved to be abused.


It's a shame you never learned the skill of "translating" words into noise. I guess it's never too late to start. I got to the point with my half-siblings where someone could ask "What did they just say?" and I honestly couldn't tell you. I know it drove them nuts, which was a nice payoff. If I don't like somebody, they may as well be speaking Martian.


Unfortunately, how I learned to cope with my abuse was to dissociate--leave my body. Even now, if I get triggered, I lose awareness of my body and present time.

That's when I usually get in trouble on political forums.

The work I'm doing on this is very isolating. I can't even talk to my wife about it today.

Abandonment depression is the worst. I'm processing it in EMDR. I feel like dying.

[SassyLady]

Sometimes I feel that way, too. I am so thankful for my daughter and grandkids, because just thinking about how hurt they would be if I died is what helps me get out of bed every day.

[darin]

Thank you for your openess, Sassy. You endear yourself to people. To me.

[darin]

Thank you for your openess, Sassy. You endear yourself to people. To me.

...and despite receiving from another board member NEGATIVE rep for my comment to you, I want to encourage you to remain open. What I really like about your openess, Sassy, is your sincerity. The things you deal with are real. You don't fabricate drama or create fake 'issues' just for the sake of getting attention. REALLY important here: credibility. YOU have it. Others don't - and that might make them jealous of you.

:)

[jimnyc]

Board decisions are not to be discussed in public. You could have PM'ed this message.

Move on please.

/end of board decision talk

[Wind Song]

I'd recommend you delete all the posts that have nothing to do with CPTSD today and leave Sassy's thread pristine. I'll stop commenting on it too.

[darin]

I'd recommend you delete all the posts that have nothing to do with CPTSD today and leave Sassy's thread pristine. I'll stop commenting on it too.

This thread has been pruned; thanks for your good idea - suggesting what was already done.


As jim said - this is the last of it; More off-topic crap isn't allowed.

[Wind Song]

I'll see if I can find some good links, and I'll stop writing about my own personal experience.

Here is a common example of a flashback. A complex PTSD sufferer wakes up feeling depressed. Because childhood experience has conditioned her to believe that she is unworthy and unacceptable in this state, she feels anxious and ashamed.

This in turn activates her Inner Critic to scare her with perfectionistic rants: No wonder no one likes you. Get your lazy, worthless ass going or you'll wind up a wretched bag lady on the street!

Retraumatized by her own inner voice, she then launches into her most habitual 4F behavior; she either lashes out domineeringly at the nearest person [Fight/ Narcissistic]
or she launches busily into anxious productivity [Flight/ Obsessive-Compulsive] or she flips on the TV and foggily tunes out or dozes off [Freeze/ Dissociative]

or she selfabnegatingly redirects her attention to a friends problem [Fawn/Codependent].

Unfortunately this dynamic also commonly operates in reverse, creating perpetual motion cycles of internal trauma as the dysfunctional behaviors of 4F acting out beget new self-hating criticism, which in turn amps up fear and shame and finally compounds the abandonment depression with prolonged experiences of self-abandonment.

Here is a diagram of these dynamics: Triggered ABANDONMENT DEPRESSION

← → FEAR & SHAME ← →

INNER CRITIC Activation ← → 4Fs."


http://www.eastbaytherapist.org/news/article.html?eselect=detail&artid=170


The emotional pain or neglect felt by adults with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) was often inflicted by an attachment figure, a person with whom s/he had an emotional bond with, or by those who held the person captive giving the victims a sense that they are defective and that others can’t be trusted.



The six symptoms suggested are:


Restricted or constricted impulses and exhibited behaviors which include facial expressions and vocal inflection expressing emotions. There may be problems with regulating emotions including chronic sadness, suicidal ideation and hidden or explosive anger.
Variations in consciousness, such as repressing, suppressing or reliving traumatic events or dissociation, detachment from mental or physical processes
Alterations in self-perception including feelings of helplessness, shame, guilt and/or being different from others
Differences in relationships with others which can be isolating, looking for a rescuer and/or mistrust. People with C-PTSD may view the perpetrator as all powerful or be obsessed with the relationship which may be accompanied by thoughts of revenge.
Somatization, a subconscious process in which psychological distress is expressed as physical symptoms. One of the most common examples is a tension headache when stress is manifested physically.
Changes in systems of meaning which can be felt as a loss of faith, despair and/or hopelessness.



Read more at Suite101: What Are Proposed Criteria for Adult C-PTSD?: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Has Long Term Effects | Suite101.com (http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydmSO9Y) http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydmSO9Y


Read more at Suite101: What Are Proposed Criteria for Adult C-PTSD?: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Has Long Term Effects | Suite101.com (http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydXxyhR) http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydXxyhR

[logroller]

The emotional pain or neglect felt by adults with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) was often inflicted by an attachment figure, a person with whom s/he had an emotional bond with, or by those who held the person captive giving the victims a sense that they are defective and that others can’t be trusted.



The six symptoms suggested are:


Restricted or constricted impulses and exhibited behaviors which include facial expressions and vocal inflection expressing emotions. There may be problems with regulating emotions including chronic sadness, suicidal ideation and hidden or explosive anger.
Variations in consciousness, such as repressing, suppressing or reliving traumatic events or dissociation, detachment from mental or physical processes
Alterations in self-perception including feelings of helplessness, shame, guilt and/or being different from others
Differences in relationships with others which can be isolating, looking for a rescuer and/or mistrust. People with C-PTSD may view the perpetrator as all powerful or be obsessed with the relationship which may be accompanied by thoughts of revenge.
Somatization, a subconscious process in which psychological distress is expressed as physical symptoms. One of the most common examples is a tension headache when stress is manifested physically.
Changes in systems of meaning which can be felt as a loss of faith, despair and/or hopelessness.



Read more at Suite101: What Are Proposed Criteria for Adult C-PTSD?: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Has Long Term Effects | Suite101.com (http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydmSO9Y) http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydmSO9Y


Read more at Suite101: What Are Proposed Criteria for Adult C-PTSD?: Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Has Long Term Effects | Suite101.com (http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydXxyhR) http://jill-stefko.suite101.com/what-are-proposed-criteria-for-adult-cptsd-a154029#ixzz1uydXxyhR


Holy shit WS; that list of symptoms reads like your online resume.

[Wind Song]

Holy shit WS; that list of symptoms reads like your online resume.

Yes, it does. That's what I've been trying to tell people.

CPTSD trauma usually starts in early childhood and is characterized by harmful and persistent emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Courtois and Ford 2010) have edited one of the definitive text books on the subject. In chapter two Julian Ford describes the differences in brain development of children who have grown up in secure vs. abusive households.
In a secure and loving household children neurologically develop a “learning brain,” while those who have grown up in abusive households develop a “survival brain.”
“The learning brain is engaged in exploration (i.e., the acquisition of new knowledge and neuronal/synaptic (a end point of a brain cell called a neuron) connections… The survival brain seeks to anticipate, prevent, or protect against the damage caused by actual dangers, driven and reinforced by a search to identify threats, and an attempt to mobilize and conserve bodily resources in the service of this vigilance and defensive adjustments to maintain bodily functioning (Ford, Chapter 2 p. 32).


How is Pathological Dissociation a Part of CPTSD?

In order to begin to understand this phenomenon it is useful to first understand the syndrome of CPTSD. It characterized by:

•Affect Dysregulation (not being able to regulate one’s emotions)

•Alterations of Consciousness (The code name for pathological dissociation)

•Somatization (the development of many physical problems that multiple physicians cannot find an organic origin to)

•Problems With:
Self Perception,
Identity
Trust.

http://emdr-web.org/complex-ptsd-cptsd-and-dissociation/

[logroller]

Yes, it does. That's what I've been trying to tell people.

I get it; you're broke. Can you fix it or are you just stuck in survival mode forever?

[Wind Song]

I get it; you're broke. Can you fix it or are you just stuck in survival mode forever?


Sigh. I'm not a machine that is defective and can be "fixed". I'm a human being. Certain events in my life altered by brain literally. I'm working to re-routing neurons. It's not like the scars go away. They have contributed to the forming of who I am as a person.

It's not all bad. Having trauma myself has made me a better counselor and social worker for others.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is usually the result of a one off major event or occurrence, C-PTSD is known to be caused after a person has suffered a long-term situation where he/she has felt a ‘loss of control’ due to emotional, or physical abuse, kidnapping, imprisonment, or long term exposure to unpleasant or crisis situations.
C-PTSD is, therefore, caused when a person has experienced sustained periods of extreme stress. Anybody who has been in a toxic relationship knows how prolonged and extreme that stress can be.
Don’t underestimate C-PTSD and the effects it can have on your life for many years after escape from the oppressive situation or toxic relationship.
C-PTSD is a psychological injury, and in the same way as a physical injury, it needs to be treated and healed over time. In many cases, it will recur, and you must always be aware of it, and how it can affect you and your relationships.
If you suspect you might be suffering from this illness, here are some of the classic symptoms:

• Feelings of dread or horror
• Feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, shame and guilt
• Hypervigilence (http://ptsd.about.com/od/glossary/g/hypervigilance.htm)
• Prone to bouts of depression
• Using alcohol, or drugs, to ‘block out’ the pain
• Insomnia
• Fits of rage
• Low self-esteem, which may even lead to self-harming
• Development of eating disorders
• Feeling ‘out of control’
• Blaming yourself for everything/ feeling you’re letting everybody down
• Loss of memory
• Feeling small, insignificant, or invisible
• Chronic fatigue

[logroller]

Sigh. I'm not a machine that is defective and can be "fixed". I'm a human being. Certain events in my life altered by brain literally. I'm working to re-routing neurons. It's not like the scars go away. They have contributed to the forming of who I am as a person.

It's not all bad. Having trauma myself has made me a better counselor and social worker for others.

I understand what you're saying; no need to correct me for using a colloquial expression. I had surgery, a percutanous pinning, a type of surgical fixation-- even doctors refer to it as 'a fix'. Even though really, its the body which heals itself, not the screws and pins; the treatment just helps the process along. As I understand emotional disorders, the body/mind just fixed it differently; leading to atypical behavior. Unfixing what the body already healed is painful; for example, my surgery has hurt worse than when I first broke it.

[Wind Song]

I understand what you're saying; no need to correct me for using a colloquial expression. I had surgery, a percutanous pinning, a type of surgical fixation-- even doctors refer to it as 'a fix'. Even though really, its the body which heals itself, not the screws and pins; the treatment just helps the process along. As I understand emotional disorders, the body/mind just fixed it differently; leading to atypical behavior. Unfixing what the body already healed is painful; for example, my surgery has hurt worse than when I first broke it.

I've been working with a therapist on this CPTSD for some time now. Believe it or not, my therapist sees a lot of progress in me. Even the strength I have now to bear with this abandonment depression is new.

Choosing to be on this forum, instead of some others with really mean people is progress.

Of course, in saying anything kind to myself I've probably invited a negative pile on. Ugh. One step forward, two steps back.

[jimnyc]

I've been working with a therapist on this CPTSD for some time now. Believe it or not, my therapist sees a lot of progress in me. Even the strength I have now to bear with this abandonment depression is new.

Choosing to be on this forum, instead of some others with really mean people is progress.

Of course, in saying anything kind to myself I've probably invited a negative pile on. Ugh. One step forward, two steps back.

That sounds like common sense to me, to avoid places that are like that. But I know what is common for one might be difficult for another. So if you 'feel' you are making strides and progress, then that is a good thing. And no, I don't think people are going to knock you about a disease or sharing progress.

[Wind Song]

That sounds like common sense to me, to avoid places that are like that. But I know what is common for one might be difficult for another. So if you 'feel' you are making strides and progress, then that is a good thing. And no, I don't think people are going to knock you about a disease or sharing progress.

Actually, you're wrong about that. Kath is doing it this very second. People do it all the time when they tell me they have this or that challenge and THEY manage it better than I am.

[Kathianne]

Actually, you're wrong about that. Kath is doing it this very second. People do it all the time when they tell me they have this or that challenge and THEY manage it better than I am.

In your dreams. Not.

[jimnyc]

Actually, you're wrong about that. Kath is doing it this very second. People do it all the time when they tell me they have this or that challenge and THEY manage it better than I am.

There's a difference between arguing in a thread over things one another said - and someone going out of their way, unprovoked, to come in this thread and say anything to you about any progress you may have made.

[Kathianne]

There's a difference between arguing in a thread over things one another said - and someone going out of their way, unprovoked, to come in this thread and say anything to you about any progress you may have made.


Thank you. When she seemed to really be looking for being accepted, I went out of my way to explain myself. Not something I often do. I'm more of a 'I said it, 'like me or crucify me,' type of poster. Seems WS needed more, so I gave it.

THEN she posted that I'd sent her to the ER! Gracious!

[Wind Song]

There's a difference between arguing in a thread over things one another said - and someone going out of their way, unprovoked, to come in this thread and say anything to you about any progress you may have made.


kath goes out of her way, unprovoked, to criticize me.

I put the bitch on ignore, and she's gonna stay there until she changes her tude

[Kathianne]

kath goes out of her way, unprovoked, to criticize me.

No. I. Don't. I go out of my way to defend myself regarding your accusations.

[SassyLady]

In addition to being hypervigilant I am an empath. Being an empath, feeling what others feel, helps me anticipate what I need to do/say to get through dicey/stressful situations. Found it to be very useful in business setting.

I use this trait of my CPTSD to help me survive and I am not/will not work to change it. Due to the empath part I do find myself retreating and isolating myself for periods of time until I can regenerate the energy needed to deal with other people's emotions.