Politically Correct Holiday Party

[red states rule]

As we enter the holiday season, please remember that we have a "diverse" society and we must not "offend" anyone during this time of year
FROM: Tina Randolph, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2008
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar!We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree (http://suzann-marie.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-tree.html) will be lit at 1:00 pm. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Tina
************************************************** *****
FROM: Tina Randolph, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.”
http://www.giggleon.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/hannukah-216x300.jpg
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree.

No Christmas carols will be sung.


We will have other types of music for your enjoyment but we will not play Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrd9p47MPHg) song out of respect for Christians, Muslims, Zoroastrians, Presbyterians and so forth.
For the record, the Christmas tree was likely of Pagan origin and Christmas Day is probably the birthday of a Pagan sun god (worshiped by the Romans) (http://www.hope-of-israel.org/cmas1.htm)….but it’s too late to quibble now. No tree.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Tina
************************************************** *****
FROM: Tina Randolph, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … You didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only“, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
http://www.giggleon.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/no-gift-300x280.jpg
************************************************** *****
FROM: Tina Randolph, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 5, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan), which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!
http://www.giggleon.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/ramadan_edited.jpg
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the Gay men’s table and cake balls (http://newlyweds.wordpress.com/2008/12/16/cake-balls/) on the dessert buffet. Feel free to bring your own rainbow flag. The Grill House will not provide them.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that NO cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
(http://www.giggleon.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/cross-dressing_large.gif)
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. They do not use MSG.
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar”, “Stevia” or specific “Splenda” desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Tina
************************************************** *****
FROM: Tina Randolph, Human Resources Director
TO: All F#$**%#g Employees
DATE: December 6, 2008
RE: The F#$**%#g Holiday Party
I’ve had it with you vegetarians!!!
We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*****g salad bar, including organic hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you weirdos can kiss my butt.
I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Mine is ruined.
************************************************** *****
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2008
RE: Tina Randolph and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Tina Randolph a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays! (unless that offends you)

Joan

[tailfins]

I pity the real Tina Randolph that works in a Human Resources department. Google it.

[red states rule]

In all seriousness, an email went out at work with the PC rules for the upcoming holiday season. I was amazed how people get "offended" over Christmas

[tailfins]

In all seriousness, an email went out at work with the PC rules for the upcoming holiday season. I was amazed how people get "offended" over Christmas

I put up a Nativity at my workstation. People know me well enough that attempts to take it down would be met with a court injunction. The ACLU isn't the only one who can play that game.

[red states rule]

I put up a Nativity at my workstation. People know me well enough that attempts to take it down would be met with a court injunction. The ACLU isn't the only one who can play that game.
Where I work that is now verboten

[tailfins]

Where I work that is now verboten

You need to contact the Rutherford Institute:

https://www.rutherford.org/


DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!

[red states rule]

You need to contact the Rutherford Institute:

https://www.rutherford.org/


DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!
If I was younger and the jobs were more plentiful I would. But hey, I piss off libs everyday with the bumper stickers on my car so I can deal with the PC enviroment

[Trinity]

You know I was looking over my 16 year olds school calender the other day to see what days they were off this coming week. I happened to notice that Christmas break is called Christmas break, not winter break like most schools seem to be calling it now days. And Easter Break is called Easter break. Quite shocking in today's PC world.

[aboutime]

Let's all face it folks. Let's get real. Be pragmatic, and understand how all of this Concession stuff works according to Political Correctness standards established by the easily fooled, ignorant members of our society.

We now live at a time when certain people are OFFENDED, INSULTED, or ANGERED If...they can't find something to be Offended, Insulted, or Angry about.

It's CATCH-22, MURPHY'S LAW, and POLITICAL CORRECTNESS combined to create Mass Stupidity Everyone can agree on.

[jafar00]

I saw this a few years ago when it came out. It was funny then and it's funny now. A good jab at political correctness.

Happy Christmas for next month and may your credit cards recover quickly.

[jimnyc]

I pity the real Tina Randolph that works in a Human Resources department. Google it.

Oh my, I did a search on "Tina Randolph human resources" and found quite a few real ones! LOL


I saw this a few years ago when it came out. It was funny then and it's funny now. A good jab at political correctness.

Happy Christmas for next month and may your credit cards recover quickly.

Yeah, this grows yearly, I've seen a few variations over the years, all funny though!

[tailfins]

I saw this a few years ago when it came out. It was funny then and it's funny now. A good jab at political correctness.

Happy Christmas for next month and may your credit cards recover quickly.

That's why sometimes I wonder if a Muslim might be easier to deal with than secularists. A Muslim just wished us a Happy Christmas by name.

[jafar00]

That's why sometimes I wonder if a Muslim might be easier to deal with than secularists. A Muslim just wished us a Happy Christmas by name.

You would love Malaysia. Christmas, Easter, Eid al Adha, Eid ul Fitr, Diwali, New year, Chinese New Year and many more religious days are all national public holidays and they are not afraid to go all out for all of them :)

[red states rule]

In today's society you must make sure you do not offend anyone during this time of year. So here is a PC card you may send out to everyone on your list and you need not worry about offending any of them
Lawyer's Christmas Card

In Politically Correct Legalese
by Author Identity Requested (http://www.dogchurch.org/narthex/contact.html#dogmail)

From us ("the wishors") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"):
Please accept without obligation, explicit or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practice of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions.
Please also accept, under aforesaid waiver of obligation on your part, our best wishes for a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of this calendar year of the Common Era, but with due respect for the calendars of all cultures or sects, and for the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting you acknowledge that:
This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal at the wishor's discretion.
This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
This greeting implies no warranty on the part of the wishors to fulfill these wishes, nor any ability of the wishors to do so, merely a beneficent hope on the part of the wishors that they in fact occur.
This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishors.
This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
Sincerely,
Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe
Attorneys at Law http://www.dogchurch.org/restroom/lawyerxmas.html