For dmp

[Kathianne]

I remember a few of these from the old days, but your 'little girl' was really little then. In the past few years, we've seen her blossoming into a beautiful and armed young lady. Still and all, for you:

http://wilk4.com/humor/humorp3.htm


Application for Permission to Date My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
__________________________________________________ ____________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend __________________________________________________ _

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

__________________________________________________ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________________________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

__________________________________________________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

__________________________________________________ ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________ ____________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)</pre> To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating (http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm119.htm).
Author unknown. One person says that this "was written by John Sherbondy of Council Bluffs, Iowa. It appeared in his wifes column in the Nonpareil Newspaper called Kippies Corner." (abt. 1993) I've tried to contact Mr. Sherbondy to confirm but haven't succeeded yet.

[gabosaurus]

Kathianne, this is the modern era. You no longer need a father's permission.
You now need the woman's permission. :laugh:


Application to Date me


Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, criminal history, driving record, job history, and current health record/medical report from your physician.

Name:__________________________________________

Date of Birth: ____________________________________

Height: _____________ Weight: _____________________

IQ: ________ Social Security Number: ________________

Drivers License Number: ___________________________

Home Address: ___________________________________

Do you own a van? _________

A truck with oversized tires? ________

A waterbed? ________

A pick up with a mattress in the back? ______

Do you have an eyebrow, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______

A tattoo on your neck? ________

Do you have a mullet? ________

NOTE: If you answered yes to any of the last 7 questions, discontinue and leave premises.

How many times have you been married? _____________________

How many times have you been divorced? _______________________

Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend or wife? ______________________

When going on a date, who should pay? _________________________________

Have you ever been accused or convicted of stalking? ______________________

If I tell you to drop dead today will you continue to contact me? ______________

Do you know how to cook? __________________

What is your relationship like with your mother? _____________________
(you shouldn’t need ANY more space than that for this answer)

Do you own a dog? _______________

What is your definition of an alcoholic? ____________________________

Do you like kids?___________________

Do you have kids? ____________________

Do you pay child support? _______ How much? ___________

Have you ever been late on your child support payments? ________

How much baggage do you carry?___________

Are you able to fix my car?____________

Do you own a home?____________Have you ever been late on your mortgage?_________

What kind of vehicle do you drive? ___________

Do you have a car payment? __________ How much is it? ____________

Do you know the different between the dinner fork and the salad fork? __________

In 50 words or less what does “LATE” mean to you? ______________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “STALKING” mean to you?______________________________________________ ____

In 50 words or less what does “GOING ON A DATE” mean to you?


Signature:________________________________________ ____

Your signature indicates that all answers are TRUE. If you are found falsifying answers and/or documents you will be sent hunting with Cheney.