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darin
06-04-2014, 03:42 PM
So the question is - tips for talking with my daughter; to see if maybe he tried anything with her? He taught middle school science and math - same school as my daughter last year, and was her science teacher the year before.

Trigg
06-04-2014, 03:50 PM
So the question is - tips for talking with my daughter; to see if maybe he tried anything with her? He taught middle school science and math - same school as my daughter last year, and was her science teacher the year before.

I'd definitely talk to her, chances are the rumors about the teacher are already going through the school.

I'd be vague at first, just ask if she remembers teacher so and so and what the kids thought of him. If she mentions the kids thinking he was weird, then I would just follow that vein of conversation.

NightTrain
06-04-2014, 04:25 PM
I would sit down at the kitchen table and directly ask her if she saw or heard the teacher doing anything inappropriate... I'm sure the school is awash in stories & rumors so she's already given thought to it. Then, of course, comes the unthinkable question that needs to be asked.

I'd definitely have your wife there for the discussion - women are better at determining uncomfortable from deceptiveness, IMO. Discussions like this would probably have any daughter feeling uncomfortable anyway.

Abbey
06-04-2014, 09:08 PM
If you didn't notice any changes in her at the time, chances are good nothing happened. But you do need to talk to her just in case.

darin
06-05-2014, 06:48 AM
After I made this thread I emailed my organization's sexual assault program coordinator. She gave me this advice - advice I used:


Oh dear! That’s awful.

Thank you for coming to me for advice. I do have some :)

If she is aware of the situation ask her to tell you her views on the situation before you interject your thoughts at all. Encourage her using open ended questions and try not to lead. This is what we call first contact with a perspective victim and it's very telling to hear what the child's opinion are and how she perceives the situation.

Ask her questions like, "How do you think she feels? Why do you think she didn't/did tell someone? What do you think the consequences of this will be on her? How do you think this might have started? When you had conversations with him that did not involve your schoolwork, what were they about?

When addressing it with her be sure to indicate that you think what her teacher did was wrong but that you in no way blame the student for her actions. She is a minor that can be manipulated into situations that she does not yet have the knowledge or know how to get out of.

Also, try not to be too hard on the perpetrator. Explain that you believe people who engage in sexual exploitation of minors have a problem mentally and that they need help. If you go into how you would like to slay the bastard she may fear reprisal of the perp and not give you information (if she had been victimized).

Another thing to note is that perpetrators like this often "groom" many victims to test the waters. They do things that they can easily explain away if confronted. He may have laid hands on girls on the small of their backs or rub their shoulders. If the girl doesn't react the perp might move to a more aggressive approach.

Most perps will also use cloaked threats to get what they want. It's important that you let her talk first so that she can reveal information to you that might not be obvious to her.


Thank you all for your input - I'll keep you posted as things develop.




I'd definitely have your wife there for the discussion - women are better at determining uncomfortable from deceptiveness, IMO. Discussions like this would probably have any daughter feeling uncomfortable anyway.


Now, brother - you know I love you...but...'women' are NOT better than Me. :-) Especially her mom - Who KNEW TWO WEEKS AGO the guy quit and was under investigation for this crime. Don't get me started on how ANGRY I remain at Mom for deciding it wasn't worth mentioning to me. The teacher had direct authority for 180 hours (1 hr/ day for a school year), AND casual influence the next year as my daughter finished her last year at that school. Never crossed mom's mind that maybe we should talk with our daughter?

Drummond
06-05-2014, 07:37 AM
I'm seeing this thread, obviously, too late to offer any advice that would be of any use. Besides .. NightTrain's approach seemed to me to be the best. Any offering of mine would probably be a rehash of his ...

All I'll offer is sympathy for your situation, and we'll see what develops.

NightTrain
06-05-2014, 02:03 PM
Now, brother - you know I love you...but...'women' are NOT better than Me. :-) Especially her mom - Who KNEW TWO WEEKS AGO the guy quit and was under investigation for this crime. Don't get me started on how ANGRY I remain at Mom for deciding it wasn't worth mentioning to me. The teacher had direct authority for 180 hours (1 hr/ day for a school year), AND casual influence the next year as my daughter finished her last year at that school. Never crossed mom's mind that maybe we should talk with our daughter?


Wow... yikes!

Yeah, scratch that.

Pretty terrible stuff, man... I'd be absolutely enraged.