View Full Version : 16 ways i blew my marriage

06-18-2014, 09:09 AM
Great work from this guy - lots of good thoughts on what makes successful relationships.


When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didnít matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasnít comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Iíd hold her hand in the car. Iíd hold her hand on a star. Iíd hold her hand in a box. Iíd hold her hand with a fox. And Iíd hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didnít particularly like each other for the moment.
BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they donít get cold. True story.
Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasnít around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Iíd try and put my best foot forward throughout our entire marriage. Iíd wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible. Iíd make myself desirable so that she would desire me.
BONUS! when you trim your man hair, guess what. She returns the favor.

For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didnít do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldnít even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: I wouldnít say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. Iíve learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.
BONUS! when you tell her what sheís doing right, sheíll tell you what youíre doing right. And sheíll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street.

I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didnít do that for her after we got married? Sure, Iíd throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Iíd make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And Iíd remember that meat in a can is never awesome.
BONUS! candlelit dinners often lead to candlelit bow chica bow-wow.

Iím not talking about the angry kind of yelling. Iím talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you donít want to get up from your television show or you donít want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if sheís seen your keys. It really doesnít take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.
IF I HAD IT TO DO-OVER: Iíd try to go find her anytime I needed something or wanted to know something, and Iíd have both gratitude and manners when I did. I always hated when she would yell to me, so why did I always feel it was okay to yell to her?
BONUS! sometimes you catch her doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise

06-18-2014, 10:45 AM
#4 is BS. The rest I agree with.

We have a problem exactly the opposite in #13. My wife despises savings. Finances are only a problem when there isn't a roof over your head. She doesn't care if we live in a tent. It took me ten years for her to respect the idea of emergency money.

Tyr-Ziu Saxnot
06-18-2014, 11:01 AM
Great work from this guy - lots of good thoughts on what makes successful relationships.


That is a two way street.. and what I've seen in my long life is women have a longer list and are more often guilty of not caring enough to stay sexy and attractive. The ones that do care enough to do that stay married at a much higher rate IMHO. A man being biologically programmed for the visual. This only the case because men are programmed far more for the visual than are females. In that category the females are superior to men for they look for far more important factors in a mate. --Tyr

Yeah Nope
06-18-2014, 02:06 PM
I have even better advic: Never Get Married.

Live together, have children together, act as if married in all things, but in the name of all that is good and holy do not enter into a three way relationship with the state. Threeways are fun, but they do not make for a lasting relationship.