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Noir
10-05-2015, 09:58 AM
Saw an interesting discussion about this the other day and thought it was worth posing here as many are/have been parents -

Where/When does your child privacy end?
Is it decided by age, or self earning, is it decided by behaviour, or when they leave the home, or is their right to privacy fixed and respected from day dot.

Common examples;
Reading phone/online messages,
Opening posted mail,
Going though their living area,
Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc.
Monitoring what monies are spent on.

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low?

Abbey
10-05-2015, 10:35 AM
Saw an interesting discussion about this the other day and thought it was worth posing here as many are/have been parents -

Where/When does your child privacy end?
Is it decided by age, or self earning, is it decided by behaviour, or when they leave the home, or is their right to privacy fixed and respected from day dot.

Common examples;
Reading phone/online messages, Never felt the need.
Opening posted mail, No one gets any these days.
Going though their living area, Eh, maybe while cleaning up, but never on a witch hunt.
Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc. Absolutely, yes. Kinda still do, lol.
Monitoring what monies are spent on. Once the money is hers, she can buy whatever, long as it's legal. With her first career job, she puts half her paycheck directly into the bank for savings, so I think we did ok there.

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low? As to where she is, and with whom, whatever gets the job done. Safety first, everything else second.


As to the overall question, a lot is determined by behavior. If a child earns your trust, it should be given. And assuming the worst in someone usually backfires.

gabosaurus
10-05-2015, 11:29 AM
Reading phone/online messages: No

Opening posted mail: No

Going though their living area: No

Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc: I have to know the parents of anyone my daughter visits regularly or goes out with.

Monitoring what monies are spent on: Yes

Motown
10-05-2015, 11:42 AM
Saw an interesting discussion about this the other day and thought it was worth posing here as many are/have been parents -

Where/When does your child privacy end?
Is it decided by age, or self earning, is it decided by behaviour, or when they leave the home, or is their right to privacy fixed and respected from day dot.

Common examples;
Reading phone/online messages,
Opening posted mail,
Going though their living area,
Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc.
Monitoring what monies are spent on.

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low?

The way I did this is when they left my house they had privacy...until then they didn't.

hjmick
10-05-2015, 04:40 PM
Saw an interesting discussion about this the other day and thought it was worth posing here as many are/have been parents -


Once a parent, always a parent.


Where/When does your child privacy end?
Is it decided by age, or self earning, is it decided by behaviour, or when they leave the home, or is their right to privacy fixed and respected from day dot.


It depends on the child...


Reading phone/online messages: For the criminal child, you bet your ass. For the other two, wasn't necessary.

Opening posted mail: Never.

Going though their living area: If they left it a mess, in my house, and I was forced to clean it, tough shit for them.

Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc.: For the criminal, you bet your ass. For the other two, depended on the activity.

Monitoring what monies are spent on: If it was my money, yes. If it was during the course of teaching them financial responsibility, yes. Otherwise, meh... Not so much

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low? For the criminal, both. For the other two, from time to time I would check up on them, just to make sure I could still trust them...

Gunny
10-05-2015, 04:51 PM
Once a parent, always a parent.




It depends on the child...


Reading phone/online messages: For the criminal child, you bet your ass. For the other two, wasn't necessary.

Opening posted mail: Never.

Going though their living area: If they left it a mess, in my house, and I was forced to clean it, tough shit for them.

Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc.: For the criminal, you bet your ass. For the other two, depended on the activity.

Monitoring what monies are spent on: If it was my money, yes. If it was during the course of teaching them financial responsibility, yes. Otherwise, meh... Not so much

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low? For the criminal, both. For the other two, from time to time I would check up on them, just to make sure I could still trust them...

I didn't know you adopted my daughter. :laugh:

hjmick
10-05-2015, 04:52 PM
I didn't know you adopted my daughter. :laugh:


You have one too? Mine just started a four year stint...

Gunny
10-05-2015, 05:03 PM
You have one too? Mine just started a four year stint...

This what my uncle told me: "They go off to Mars for awhile but usually come back." Mine's a school teacher now and an Army vet.

Don't give up too soon. I thought I was going to have to kill her when she was a teenager. But she IS a chip off the old block. :laugh:

hjmick
10-05-2015, 05:06 PM
This what my uncle told me: "They go off to Mars for awhile but usually come back." Mine's a school teacher now and an Army vet.

Don't give up too soon. I thought I was going to have to kill her when she was a teenager. But she IS a chip off the old block. :laugh:


This one is 32, pretty sure her course is set...

jimnyc
10-05-2015, 05:16 PM
Saw an interesting discussion about this the other day and thought it was worth posing here as many are/have been parents -

Where/When does your child privacy end?
Is it decided by age, or self earning, is it decided by behaviour, or when they leave the home, or is their right to privacy fixed and respected from day dot.

Common examples;
Reading phone/online messages, When he was much younger I monitored to an extent. As he's grown older, he's earned more privacy, based on positive results of prior privacy.
Opening posted mail, Don't think he has ever gotten any? But mail is private, and gets respected. If it were addressed to "Parents of:" then of course we open.
Going though their living area, Only for telling him to clean, and like the police "in plain sight" rules.
Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc. I'm lucky there, kid doesn't really go out. I monitor his time used on phone, and on computer, but not data.
Monitoring what monies are spent on. He gets an allowance and usually only buys things online through Amazone, wifes account, wo we know from that.

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low?

Full knowledge and understanding as to why we monitor. I believe if he fully understands why we would do such, he sees it more as us making sure all is cool, instead of it being some form of punishment. My kid may be a tad different though, and maybe from aspergers. He lives and breathes online, mostly playing games on Steam. He's perfect with his homework and grades, mostly. He's never done anything really to lose our trust, or to give us reason to monitor him like a hawk.

Gunny
10-05-2015, 05:39 PM
Full knowledge and understanding as to why we monitor. I believe if he fully understands why we would do such, he sees it more as us making sure all is cool, instead of it being some form of punishment. My kid may be a tad different though, and maybe from aspergers. He lives and breathes online, mostly playing games on Steam. He's perfect with his homework and grades, mostly. He's never done anything really to lose our trust, or to give us reason to monitor him like a hawk.

You were allowed to procreate? God we ARE doomed now ....:laugh:

jimnyc
10-05-2015, 05:45 PM
You were allowed to procreate? God we ARE doomed now ....:laugh:

And I think I may have created a mini-me as well. Sometimes I get SO frustrated with him that I need to just walk away. Maybe come upstairs here and take a deep breath. His way of arguing, and refusing to back down, is a little like his Daddy. Kinda hard to tell the kid he's wrong when he's doing things just like dear old Dad. :(

Gunny
10-05-2015, 05:51 PM
And I think I may have created a mini-me as well. Sometimes I get SO frustrated with him that I need to just walk away. Maybe come upstairs here and take a deep breath. His way of arguing, and refusing to back down, is a little like his Daddy. Kinda hard to tell the kid he's wrong when he's doing things just like dear old Dad. :(

Should meet my daughter. :laugh:

She just got married again yesterday and as usual, she knows how to pick 'em like I do. :laugh:

Trigg
10-06-2015, 03:39 PM
Saw an interesting discussion about this the other day and thought it was worth posing here as many are/have been parents -

Where/When does your child privacy end?
Is it decided by age, or self earning, is it decided by behaviour, or when they leave the home, or is their right to privacy fixed and respected from day dot.

Common examples;
Reading phone/online messages,
Opening posted mail,
Going though their living area,
Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc.
Monitoring what monies are spent on.

Bonus Q - If you do keep such tabs, should it be done with them having full knowledge, or on the down low?

I've never had a reason to snoop through my children's mail or phone records.

I do keep tabs on where they go and who they go with. It's better to stop bad behavior before it happens than clean up the mess afterwards. My two oldest are now in college, so things have changed. I've told them I don't bail them out of jail, so be smart about what they're doing.

I have been known to nose around their rooms if I suspect they aren't being truthful or I'm worried that they've gotten themselves into trouble that they're not telling me about. But this has only happened 2 or 3 times....not to shabby when you consider I have 4 kids. 3 of whom are teenagers right now.

darin
10-06-2015, 03:42 PM
Reading phone/online messages: YES - Always maintain authority to check on young teens

Opening posted mail: For minors yes - might be illegal when older

Going though their living area: HELL to the YES. Parents who don't do this don't love their kids

Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc: I have to know the parents of anyone my kids visit regularly or goes out with.

Monitoring what monies are spent on: Plastic Only - Paper money? Naw.

Gunny
10-06-2015, 03:46 PM
I've never had a reason to snoop through my children's mail or phone records.

I do keep tabs on where they go and who they go with. It's better to stop bad behavior before it happens than clean up the mess afterwards. My two oldest are now in college, so things have changed. I've told them I don't bail them out of jail, so be smart about what they're doing.

I have been known to nose around their rooms if I suspect they aren't being truthful or I'm worried that they've gotten themselves into trouble that they're not telling me about. But this has only happened 2 or 3 times....not to shabby when you consider I have 4 kids. 3 of whom are teenagers right now.

You've never had an evil child. :laugh:

Trigg
10-06-2015, 03:49 PM
You've never had an evil child. :laugh:

my kids are all pretty good, thank goodness.

The girl is the only one I have to watch and that's because she's too much like Nuke. She's got a temper.

darin
10-06-2015, 03:52 PM
my kids are all pretty good, thank goodness.

The girl is the only one I have to watch and that's because she's too much like Nuke. She's got a temper.

You and He created a non-liberal environment; your kids are destined for good things. Nobody 'has' good kids - parents create good kids :)

Gunny
10-06-2015, 03:56 PM
my kids are all pretty good, thank goodness.

The girl is the only one I have to watch and that's because she's too much like Nuke. She's got a temper.

My daughter is daddy's little girl. She comes with the :finger3: daddy does. I don't think either of us will be bragging about our teenage years. She was actually worse than I was. Maybe.

gabosaurus
10-06-2015, 05:18 PM
Reading phone/online messages: YES - Always maintain authority to check on young teens

Opening posted mail: For minors yes - might be illegal when older

Going though their living area: HELL to the YES. Parents who don't do this don't love their kids

Keeping tabs on where they spend time, who with etc: I have to know the parents of anyone my kids visit regularly or goes out with.

Monitoring what monies are spent on: Plastic Only - Paper money? Naw.

It's nice to know that you never trusted your kid.
I enforce the same policy that my parents did -- I agree to trust you until you give me a reason not to.
My daughter has given me the password for her social media accounts, but I stopped reading them a couple of years ago. I know all her friends and trust their integrity.
I cleaned my daughter's room until a year ago, when I agreed not to do so. She leaves the door open all the time anyway.

I am fortunate enough not to have an evil or criminal child. She doesn't have her own money or a credit card. She doesn't hang out with the criminal element.
In fact, for a sociology project, she was asked to list the qualities she wanted in female and male friends. Her team sent me a copy of her list for male friends:
**no tattoos or weird haircuts
**no smokers or dippers
**no dopers
**no gamers
**no bullies

Noir
10-06-2015, 06:04 PM
Going though their living area: HELL to the YES. Parents who don't do this don't love their kids

Seems very harsh =/


No dippers

What's a dipper?

Trigg
10-06-2015, 06:16 PM
Seems very harsh =/



What's a dipper?
Chewing tobacco