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jimnyc
01-12-2017, 12:14 PM
Tyr spoke of losing his friend, and his Dad. Then it made me think of Mom. Then of course parents, and us being parents ourselves. This certainly isn't a poem, just "writing" and babbling. :) I think most parents would somewhat agree, even if they can all write much better than I can! LOL I know I could have put this in the family section, but this was like 'streaming thought' of what it's been like for me from the time I learned I would be a Dad until today.

-----

We grew up with Mom and Dad. We knew what it was like to be a child, and had an idea of what it takes to raise one. Our parents are our teachers, but they teach us as kids, not to learn how to be a parent. So while I think they did well, and I did well at learning how to be a kid, and then a teenager, and being educated and graduating and getting off on my own. That was because of the great parenting of Mom and Dad, and maybe I was a good student.

When you're a kid you dream of everything that is in your future. You dream of leaving HS, dream of college days, your very first car. You start thinking of just how old you may be when you will get married, if you ever do. What type of career will you have? Will it be professional sports, an astronaut or a public servant? All these dreams and so many ways to get there and not a care in the world on how to get there.

It all seemed so easy. Even after leaving HS and entering college, hanging out much more with friends, still so easy. Out of the parents home, graduated college and working a crappy job until career kicks in. But now over 21, can drink with friends and life is still the easiest places on earth, no worries at all to hold me back.

Of course there are girlfriends here and there, and while you often think 'this is the one', that doesn't happen always.

But then it does. You're head over heels. Something happens you didn't expect. You fall in TRUE love. You're willing to drop all that care free fun in order to be with this person you love. It was a new feeling for me at the time, but what a great feeling. I was only 24 and it was earlier than my dreams had planned for me. But having a dream come true early isn't a bad thing. I pinched myself quite a few times, but I never woke up. Days turned into a few years, and here I stood 8 years later and still never woke.

Then something happened. I found out I was soon to be a Dad. A Dad? A Dad was something that now lived in Florida and was someone I called on the phone to say hello to every week. Me, a Dad? How in the world did this happen? I was shocked to find myself so so damn happy, and so so damn happy for my love. We embraced the news and started planning. That's when it hit me. I'm clueless. A child, in my home, my responsibility. What do I do? How do I tell my wife that I have no experience at this and don't know how to help her? Doctors visits, she is sick, get me this and get me that, classes, hospital visits. It was all so overwhelming, my hardest challenge in life ever, but one I grasped and wanted to succeed at. How does one learn how to be ready to be a parent? Do we just repeat what our parents did for us? How am I supposed to remember 18 years worth of parenting? I don't remember when I was born till I was like 4 or 5 years old. I never paid attention to others raising babies, what am I to do?

Then it happened. It was time to go to the hospital. It was 8am and luckily I had a lot of coffee in me. She said it was time. No bags prepared, nothing, just get in the truck and take the planned route to the hospital. I didn't drive like a maniac. We took the trip there a few times and had planned it all. She wasn't screaming, so it just didn't feel like what I saw on TV. But it was time. She was to deliver our son right there in the hospital bed. Of course 8 hours later. And then 30 minutes prior the doctor walks in, talks to her and us, and hands me a gown to put on. Why do I need a gown? I'm going to the lobby, no need for me to see that happen and pass out on the floor! But there I stood and put it on. And before I can barely tie it shut in walk like 5 nurses and the doctor. Too late for me to bail. I was to hold her right hand and arm for her to squeeze. I was a part of this process, not just there to watch. I felt like I was helping, but watching my wife I knew I wasn't helping her. But so much sooner than I thought, out popped this little alien looking sucker. I know, that sounds horrible, but as soon as a baby comes out it's not the most beautiful thing in the world. The nurse and doctors instantly got him breathing and crying, and then into the cleaning mode. And within a few minutes of birth, there he was placed in a small blanket and into my wifes arms. A few minutes later, as I sat in a chair, unexpectedly, a nurse comes over with my son and places him in my arms. What the hell, I didn't ask the nurse to do this. I have no clue how to hold a 5 minute old baby. He no longer looked like an alien. Now he looked like the most beautiful thing on earth to me. My hands were shivering and I was literally lightheaded. But I held on for dear life, even though I held him so tenderly.

My wife spent the next few days at the hospital and I spent the evenings at home preparing the house for his arrival.

She must have went to "Mom School" when I wasn't around, as it seemed like she knew everything, and knew what to do know matter what was presented to her. Meanwhile, I was so scared and had absolutely no idea what to do, no matter what. I called my Mom every time I had a question!

As the boy was growing up, I called Mom again and again. For parenting decisions and punishments, I called my Dad for non-stop advice. In my head, why not call the actual parents to help raise the child. But then something happened, and I realized that while I was reaching out for advice from others, I was in fact doing the work, and as years sped on by, there I was being a Dad myself.

Clueless and learning. No idea how to handle any situation, and every one of them is a test, and a learning experience for your next test. How do I prepare this boy for the rest of his life? How do I turn him into a man? How do I have him excel at everything? So many questions and what feels like no time whatsoever. Folks tell you ahead of time that the time goes by so quickly, and they know what they're speaking of.

I'm failing. Problems are there. No one raises a child without problems. It's all in how one handles those problems, just like us adults. But now my decisions determine this ones life, and that's scary. He needs to do good in school. He needs to be respectful. Go to bed on time. Get up on time. Brush his teeth. Eat properly.

You can make a list 40 miles long but are still never prepared.

Sometimes the kid is acting out in manners in which I don't know how to reply to. I react myself. I'm failing again. But I can't fail. I just can't. Is he wanting to make me mad, or is he maybe reaching out for something and not knowing how? I give him and embrace love instead, I can't let myself ever get angry, I can't let him see me thinking I'm a failure.

He thinks I'm the greatest Dad at times, but probably has no idea the amount of stress. I can't let him know that Dad thinks this is the hardest job in the world.

He gets sick and has to go to a doctor. But still scared to death and once again the phone rings to call Mom or Dad. Grandparents are the best thing in the world when raising your own child. And the best part is that they agree and want to help!

Grammar school turns into high school and your child is now a teenager and a young man. You want him to be tough, but loving. You want to him have fight in him, but teach him how not to fight unless necessary. You want your kid to be like you, but minus all of your bad aspects. You want to tell your kid stories about your life, even the bad things, and help them learn, and avoid the mistakes you yourself made in life.

But I'm still clueless and still learning. I still feel like he was just born. I'm still scared about whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I still call Dad for help. Mom is gone, but I want to talk to her daily. I take the lessons and love from her, and give them to my son.

I still dream of the future, but now it's only about what great things are for my son in the future. I hope he's learning like I did when I was a kid, and I hope I'm doing a bit as good as Mom and Dad did for me. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope my parents know how much I love them. Life is great in how it repeats itself. We learn from our parents and then give it to our own children, and before long we will be that grandparent that answers the questions when our kids are scared when they have their own children.

The parenting gig is one tough job, but the most rewarding job in the world if you're lucky enough to get the job.

Tyr-Ziu Saxnot
01-12-2017, 01:05 PM
Tyr spoke of losing his friend, and his Dad. Then it made me think of Mom. Then of course parents, and us being parents ourselves. This certainly isn't a poem, just "writing" and babbling. :) I think most parents would somewhat agree, even if they can all write much better than I can! LOL I know I could have put this in the family section, but this was like 'streaming thought' of what it's been like for me from the time I learned I would be a Dad until today.

-----

We grew up with Mom and Dad. We knew what it was like to be a child, and had an idea of what it takes to raise one. Our parents are our teachers, but they teach us as kids, not to learn how to be a parent. So while I think they did well, and I did well at learning how to be a kid, and then a teenager, and being educated and graduating and getting off on my own. That was because of the great parenting of Mom and Dad, and maybe I was a good student.

When you're a kid you dream of everything that is in your future. You dream of leaving HS, dream of college days, your very first car. You start thinking of just how old you may be when you will get married, if you ever do. What type of career will you have? Will it be professional sports, an astronaut or a public servant? All these dreams and so many ways to get there and not a care in the world on how to get there.

It all seemed so easy. Even after leaving HS and entering college, hanging out much more with friends, still so easy. Out of the parents home, graduated college and working a crappy job until career kicks in. But now over 21, can drink with friends and life is still the easiest places on earth, no worries at all to hold me back.

Of course there are girlfriends here and there, and while you often think 'this is the one', that doesn't happen always.

But then it does. You're head over heels. Something happens you didn't expect. You fall in TRUE love. You're willing to drop all that care free fun in order to be with this person you love. It was a new feeling for me at the time, but what a great feeling. I was only 24 and it was earlier than my dreams had planned for me. But having a dream come true early isn't a bad thing. I pinched myself quite a few times, but I never woke up. Days turned into a few years, and here I stood 8 years later and still never woke.

Then something happened. I found out I was soon to be a Dad. A Dad? A Dad was something that now lived in Florida and was someone I called on the phone to say hello to every week. Me, a Dad? How in the world did this happen? I was shocked to find myself so so damn happy, and so so damn happy for my love. We embraced the news and started planning. That's when it hit me. I'm clueless. A child, in my home, my responsibility. What do I do? How do I tell my wife that I have no experience at this and don't know how to help her? Doctors visits, she is sick, get me this and get me that, classes, hospital visits. It was all so overwhelming, my hardest challenge in life ever, but one I grasped and wanted to succeed at. How does one learn how to be ready to be a parent? Do we just repeat what our parents did for us? How am I supposed to remember 18 years worth of parenting? I don't remember when I was born till I was like 4 or 5 years old. I never paid attention to others raising babies, what am I to do?

Then it happened. It was time to go to the hospital. It was 8am and luckily I had a lot of coffee in me. She said it was time. No bags prepared, nothing, just get in the truck and take the planned route to the hospital. I didn't drive like a maniac. We took the trip there a few times and had planned it all. She wasn't screaming, so it just didn't feel like what I saw on TV. But it was time. She was to deliver our son right there in the hospital bed. Of course 8 hours later. And then 30 minutes prior the doctor walks in, talks to her and us, and hands me a gown to put on. Why do I need a gown? I'm going to the lobby, no need for me to see that happen and pass out on the floor! But there I stood and put it on. And before I can barely tie it shut in walk like 5 nurses and the doctor. Too late for me to bail. I was to hold her right hand and arm for her to squeeze. I was a part of this process, not just there to watch. I felt like I was helping, but watching my wife I knew I wasn't helping her. But so much sooner than I thought, out popped this little alien looking sucker. I know, that sounds horrible, but as soon as a baby comes out it's not the most beautiful thing in the world. The nurse and doctors instantly got him breathing and crying, and then into the cleaning mode. And within a few minutes of birth, there he was placed in a small blanket and into my wifes arms. A few minutes later, as I sat in a chair, unexpectedly, a nurse comes over with my son and places him in my arms. What the hell, I didn't ask the nurse to do this. I have no clue how to hold a 5 minute old baby. He no longer looked like an alien. Now he looked like the most beautiful thing on earth to me. My hands were shivering and I was literally lightheaded. But I held on for dear life, even though I held him so tenderly.

My wife spent the next few days at the hospital and I spent the evenings at home preparing the house for his arrival.

She must have went to "Mom School" when I wasn't around, as it seemed like she knew everything, and knew what to do know matter what was presented to her. Meanwhile, I was so scared and had absolutely no idea what to do, no matter what. I called my Mom every time I had a question!

As the boy was growing up, I called Mom again and again. For parenting decisions and punishments, I called my Dad for non-stop advice. In my head, why not call the actual parents to help raise the child. But then something happened, and I realized that while I was reaching out for advice from others, I was in fact doing the work, and as years sped on by, there I was being a Dad myself.

Clueless and learning. No idea how to handle any situation, and every one of them is a test, and a learning experience for your next test. How do I prepare this boy for the rest of his life? How do I turn him into a man? How do I have him excel at everything? So many questions and what feels like no time whatsoever. Folks tell you ahead of time that the time goes by so quickly, and they know what they're speaking of.

I'm failing. Problems are there. No one raises a child without problems. It's all in how one handles those problems, just like us adults. But now my decisions determine this ones life, and that's scary. He needs to do good in school. He needs to be respectful. Go to bed on time. Get up on time. Brush his teeth. Eat properly.

You can make a list 40 miles long but are still never prepared.

Sometimes the kid is acting out in manners in which I don't know how to reply to. I react myself. I'm failing again. But I can't fail. I just can't. Is he wanting to make me mad, or is he maybe reaching out for something and not knowing how? I give him and embrace love instead, I can't let myself ever get angry, I can't let him see me thinking I'm a failure.

He thinks I'm the greatest Dad at times, but probably has no idea the amount of stress. I can't let him know that Dad thinks this is the hardest job in the world.

He gets sick and has to go to a doctor. But still scared to death and once again the phone rings to call Mom or Dad. Grandparents are the best thing in the world when raising your own child. And the best part is that they agree and want to help!

Grammar school turns into high school and your child is now a teenager and a young man. You want him to be tough, but loving. You want to him have fight in him, but teach him how not to fight unless necessary. You want your kid to be like you, but minus all of your bad aspects. You want to tell your kid stories about your life, even the bad things, and help them learn, and avoid the mistakes you yourself made in life.

But I'm still clueless and still learning. I still feel like he was just born. I'm still scared about whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I still call Dad for help. Mom is gone, but I want to talk to her daily. I take the lessons and love from her, and give them to my son.

I still dream of the future, but now it's only about what great things are for my son in the future. I hope he's learning like I did when I was a kid, and I hope I'm doing a bit as good as Mom and Dad did for me. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope my parents know how much I love them. Life is great in how it repeats itself. We learn from our parents and then give it to our own children, and before long we will be that grandparent that answers the questions when our kids are scared when they have their own children.

The parenting gig is one tough job, but the most rewarding job in the world if you're lucky enough to get the job.

MY FRIEND, THIS POST TELLS ME TWO THINGS RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
1. You are a GOOD father!!
2. You are a GOOD writer too.

I found myself right in there with you as I read, nodding my head.
Its the deepest possible love, biggest heart and most dedicated caring that makes us good parents to our children, not any so-called
perfection(as nobody is perfect!)!
And that my friend is not taught but is, if one is truly blessed, an emotional attachment that never wavers.

Mothers rightly get credited with being a bit better in that regards but fathers, can equal that as well.
Fathers just have to try a bit harder to reach that massively high plateau is all, methinks..-Tyr

Abbey
01-12-2017, 02:48 PM
I agree with Robert. The fact that you are introspective about it shows me you are a great dad. I regularly look back and think of things I could have done better raising our now 25 year old daughter. But I had no experience, we both had to work, and my parents weren't the best role models. I still think we did alright. She loves us and has good Christian values. That's what matters and somehow she got there. I know your son will have your values, too.

Elessar
01-12-2017, 07:45 PM
Good Post, Jim.

My son's mother, my ex, deserted us us when he was 4 years old.

I did need the grandparents to help due to my work schedule. Granny was/is an idiot.
Grandpap one of the best men I ever met..

Then I took the boy with me when I moved. We had a few simple rules:
Shower every day;
No pants buckled below the ass cheeks;
Do your homework;
No hats on backwards;
No facial hair in high school;
Be polite and respectful;
Don't let anyone shove you around (he was 6'2 and 240lbs in high school).

Now he is 3 trimesters from his doctorate in Physical Therapy. I sacrificed my
own social life for him and he was always supportive of my professional life.

Savor it Jim!

Balu
01-12-2017, 08:05 PM
I agree with Robert. The fact that you are introspective about it shows me you are a great dad. I regularly look back and think of things I could have done better raising our now 25 year old daughter. But I had no experience, we both had to work, and my parents weren't the best role models. I still think we did alright. She loves us and has good Christian values. That's what matters and somehow she got there. I know your son will have your values, too.

So do I. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/he_and_she/give_rose.gif

gabosaurus
01-12-2017, 08:06 PM
MY FRIEND, THIS POST TELLS ME TWO THINGS RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
1. You are a GOOD father!!
2. You are a GOOD writer too.


I second this, with gusto.
Jim and I are often at each others throats, but I have never doubted the fact that he is an exceptional father. If you can take a child with attention deficit disorders and guide them to being a good citizen with outstanding grades, you get the gold star from me.
I see parents on a regular basis who back away from such. Often their pride or social standings keeps them from admitting that their child has problems and that they have to work harder. Or else they blame the school for not molding their child into their standards.

Parenting is difficult. My husband handles it better than I do because he has more patience and places himself under less stress. He knows that there are things that girls can only learn from their mothers, just as there are things that boys can only learn from their fathers.

My goal is to eventually become as good of a parent as Abbey and Kathianne are. Because obviously they have done their jobs well.

Gunny
01-12-2017, 08:23 PM
I agree with Robert. The fact that you are introspective about it shows me you are a great dad. I regularly look back and think of things I could have done better raising our now 25 year old daughter. But I had no experience, we both had to work, and my parents weren't the best role models. I still think we did alright. She loves us and has good Christian values. That's what matters and somehow she got there. I know your son will have your values, too.

None of us had any experience, Abs, We were all flying blind. My testament to myself that I did a good job is my daughter came and hauled from ABQ and tossed me in her upstairs room. She is the only person I can count on and trust.

And before you get started, I know others care. She's my baby girl and she takes care of me. I used to hold her in one hand. I must have taught her something right.

Balu
01-12-2017, 08:39 PM
Tyr spoke of losing his friend, and his Dad. Then it made me think of Mom. Then of course parents, and us being parents ourselves. This certainly isn't a poem, just "writing" and babbling. :) I think most parents would somewhat agree, even if they can all write much better than I can! LOL I know I could have put this in the family section, but this was like 'streaming thought' of what it's been like for me from the time I learned I would be a Dad until today.

-----

We grew up with Mom and Dad. We knew what it was like to be a child, and had an idea of what it takes to raise one. Our parents are our teachers, but they teach us as kids, not to learn how to be a parent. So while I think they did well, and I did well at learning how to be a kid, and then a teenager, and being educated and graduating and getting off on my own. That was because of the great parenting of Mom and Dad, and maybe I was a good student.

When you're a kid you dream of everything that is in your future. You dream of leaving HS, dream of college days, your very first car. You start thinking of just how old you may be when you will get married, if you ever do. What type of career will you have? Will it be professional sports, an astronaut or a public servant? All these dreams and so many ways to get there and not a care in the world on how to get there.

It all seemed so easy. Even after leaving HS and entering college, hanging out much more with friends, still so easy. Out of the parents home, graduated college and working a crappy job until career kicks in. But now over 21, can drink with friends and life is still the easiest places on earth, no worries at all to hold me back.

Of course there are girlfriends here and there, and while you often think 'this is the one', that doesn't happen always.

But then it does. You're head over heels. Something happens you didn't expect. You fall in TRUE love. You're willing to drop all that care free fun in order to be with this person you love. It was a new feeling for me at the time, but what a great feeling. I was only 24 and it was earlier than my dreams had planned for me. But having a dream come true early isn't a bad thing. I pinched myself quite a few times, but I never woke up. Days turned into a few years, and here I stood 8 years later and still never woke.

Then something happened. I found out I was soon to be a Dad. A Dad? A Dad was something that now lived in Florida and was someone I called on the phone to say hello to every week. Me, a Dad? How in the world did this happen? I was shocked to find myself so so damn happy, and so so damn happy for my love. We embraced the news and started planning. That's when it hit me. I'm clueless. A child, in my home, my responsibility. What do I do? How do I tell my wife that I have no experience at this and don't know how to help her? Doctors visits, she is sick, get me this and get me that, classes, hospital visits. It was all so overwhelming, my hardest challenge in life ever, but one I grasped and wanted to succeed at. How does one learn how to be ready to be a parent? Do we just repeat what our parents did for us? How am I supposed to remember 18 years worth of parenting? I don't remember when I was born till I was like 4 or 5 years old. I never paid attention to others raising babies, what am I to do?

Then it happened. It was time to go to the hospital. It was 8am and luckily I had a lot of coffee in me. She said it was time. No bags prepared, nothing, just get in the truck and take the planned route to the hospital. I didn't drive like a maniac. We took the trip there a few times and had planned it all. She wasn't screaming, so it just didn't feel like what I saw on TV. But it was time. She was to deliver our son right there in the hospital bed. Of course 8 hours later. And then 30 minutes prior the doctor walks in, talks to her and us, and hands me a gown to put on. Why do I need a gown? I'm going to the lobby, no need for me to see that happen and pass out on the floor! But there I stood and put it on. And before I can barely tie it shut in walk like 5 nurses and the doctor. Too late for me to bail. I was to hold her right hand and arm for her to squeeze. I was a part of this process, not just there to watch. I felt like I was helping, but watching my wife I knew I wasn't helping her. But so much sooner than I thought, out popped this little alien looking sucker. I know, that sounds horrible, but as soon as a baby comes out it's not the most beautiful thing in the world. The nurse and doctors instantly got him breathing and crying, and then into the cleaning mode. And within a few minutes of birth, there he was placed in a small blanket and into my wifes arms. A few minutes later, as I sat in a chair, unexpectedly, a nurse comes over with my son and places him in my arms. What the hell, I didn't ask the nurse to do this. I have no clue how to hold a 5 minute old baby. He no longer looked like an alien. Now he looked like the most beautiful thing on earth to me. My hands were shivering and I was literally lightheaded. But I held on for dear life, even though I held him so tenderly.

My wife spent the next few days at the hospital and I spent the evenings at home preparing the house for his arrival.

She must have went to "Mom School" when I wasn't around, as it seemed like she knew everything, and knew what to do know matter what was presented to her. Meanwhile, I was so scared and had absolutely no idea what to do, no matter what. I called my Mom every time I had a question!

As the boy was growing up, I called Mom again and again. For parenting decisions and punishments, I called my Dad for non-stop advice. In my head, why not call the actual parents to help raise the child. But then something happened, and I realized that while I was reaching out for advice from others, I was in fact doing the work, and as years sped on by, there I was being a Dad myself.

Clueless and learning. No idea how to handle any situation, and every one of them is a test, and a learning experience for your next test. How do I prepare this boy for the rest of his life? How do I turn him into a man? How do I have him excel at everything? So many questions and what feels like no time whatsoever. Folks tell you ahead of time that the time goes by so quickly, and they know what they're speaking of.

I'm failing. Problems are there. No one raises a child without problems. It's all in how one handles those problems, just like us adults. But now my decisions determine this ones life, and that's scary. He needs to do good in school. He needs to be respectful. Go to bed on time. Get up on time. Brush his teeth. Eat properly.

You can make a list 40 miles long but are still never prepared.

Sometimes the kid is acting out in manners in which I don't know how to reply to. I react myself. I'm failing again. But I can't fail. I just can't. Is he wanting to make me mad, or is he maybe reaching out for something and not knowing how? I give him and embrace love instead, I can't let myself ever get angry, I can't let him see me thinking I'm a failure.

He thinks I'm the greatest Dad at times, but probably has no idea the amount of stress. I can't let him know that Dad thinks this is the hardest job in the world.

He gets sick and has to go to a doctor. But still scared to death and once again the phone rings to call Mom or Dad. Grandparents are the best thing in the world when raising your own child. And the best part is that they agree and want to help!

Grammar school turns into high school and your child is now a teenager and a young man. You want him to be tough, but loving. You want to him have fight in him, but teach him how not to fight unless necessary. You want your kid to be like you, but minus all of your bad aspects. You want to tell your kid stories about your life, even the bad things, and help them learn, and avoid the mistakes you yourself made in life.

But I'm still clueless and still learning. I still feel like he was just born. I'm still scared about whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I still call Dad for help. Mom is gone, but I want to talk to her daily. I take the lessons and love from her, and give them to my son.

I still dream of the future, but now it's only about what great things are for my son in the future. I hope he's learning like I did when I was a kid, and I hope I'm doing a bit as good as Mom and Dad did for me. I hope he knows how much I love him. I hope my parents know how much I love them. Life is great in how it repeats itself. We learn from our parents and then give it to our own children, and before long we will be that grandparent that answers the questions when our kids are scared when they have their own children.

The parenting gig is one tough job, but the most rewarding job in the world if you're lucky enough to get the job.
Jim, you are Great! I read you'd written as a novel. And, this is fantastic, but you made me feeling as if I know you, your family and your son personally!
You have a talent in writing! And I understand why, besides several persons, I have a pleasure speaking with you here at the board.
Thank you for the pleasure you gave me. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/friends.gif

jimnyc
01-13-2017, 11:51 AM
Jim, you are Great! I read you'd written as a novel. And, this is fantastic, but you made me feeling as if I know you, your family and your son personally!
You have a talent in writing! And I understand why, besides several persons, I have a pleasure speaking with you here at the board.
Thank you for the pleasure you gave me. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/friends.gif

Thanks, Balu!!

I'm no writer, that's for sure, and there's nothing special in there. It's just rare that I write more than a few sentences about family and parenting. Tyr wrote a few things this week that got me thinking about my own family, which is what spurred my little poem and then my thoughts on this. I'm glad it makes you feel like you know me more!! That's one of the best parts of these boards. I think once folks start to "know" one another more, the less flaming and fighting you will generally see.

jimnyc
01-13-2017, 11:58 AM
I second this, with gusto.
Jim and I are often at each others throats, but I have never doubted the fact that he is an exceptional father. If you can take a child with attention deficit disorders and guide them to being a good citizen with outstanding grades, you get the gold star from me.
I see parents on a regular basis who back away from such. Often their pride or social standings keeps them from admitting that their child has problems and that they have to work harder. Or else they blame the school for not molding their child into their standards.

Parenting is difficult. My husband handles it better than I do because he has more patience and places himself under less stress. He knows that there are things that girls can only learn from their mothers, just as there are things that boys can only learn from their fathers.

My goal is to eventually become as good of a parent as Abbey and Kathianne are. Because obviously they have done their jobs well.

You know I still can't stand you. I thanked you anyway, as a kind post is still a kind post. I'm fair when fair is given, respectful when respect is given..... as I've always said, reply in kind when one can.

With that said, I appreciate what you wrote. I didn't include Jordan having Aspergers as honestly it really never crossed my mind while writing. Of course that was/is a challenge as well. But I give much more credit to the kiddo for his great grades than myself. We placed him in an expensive private school to help handle that issue - but he ran with it from that point and has excelled. Brilliant kid - but is just like any other young teenager who has issues, nags his parents, doesn't always listen to his parents, doesn't want to do chores, go to bed on time...

And "exceptional" father? Not really. I'd love to say that, but the exceptional one is my wife. I still question myself every time. I still want to call Mom every single time I am afraid of something and need advice. Can't do that no more. :( I get stressed quite easy, and kids are tiny little stress balls that stick like glue and the law forces you to keep using them. :)

Balu
01-13-2017, 12:06 PM
Thanks, Balu!!

I'm no writer, that's for sure, and there's nothing special in there. It's just rare that I write more than a few sentences about family and parenting. Tyr wrote a few things this week that got me thinking about my own family, which is what spurred my little poem and then my thoughts on this. I'm glad it makes you feel like you know me more!! That's one of the best parts of these boards. I think once folks start to "know" one another more, the less flaming and fighting you will generally see.
You made the similar of my life passed in front of my eyes and re convince me again in what is the most important of our Life.
Thank you again. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/friends.gif

Gunny
01-13-2017, 12:12 PM
You made the similar of my life passed in front of my eyes and re convince me again in what is the most important of our Life.
Thank you again. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/friends.gif

We're all getting older. People are what are most important in out lives. And when you need help, you find out real quick just which people they are.

jimnyc
01-13-2017, 12:42 PM
You made the similar of my life passed in front of my eyes and re convince me again in what is the most important of our Life.
Thank you again. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/friends.gif

That's what the majority of us all have in common - we ALL have had parents, and so many of us are parents ourselves. I'm very confident that if ANYone here wrote about parenting we would all feel somewhat similar.

And I agree 50,000%. I just wish I could go back like 20 years, and visit my Mom a billion times more, and just tell her I love her over and over and over, and not take a single second for granted. :(

Gunny
01-13-2017, 05:13 PM
That's what the majority of us all have in common - we ALL have had parents, and so many of us are parents ourselves. I'm very confident that if ANYone here wrote about parenting we would all feel somewhat similar.

And I agree 50,000%. I just wish I could go back like 20 years, and visit my Mom a billion times more, and just tell her I love her over and over and over, and not take a single second for granted. :(

Same with my grandfather. That dude knew everything.

EXCEPT the 1930s version of the birds n bees speech he gave when I already 17. That is a timeless classic in the memory bank. I STILL remember how hard it was to keep a straight face.:laugh2:

Kathianne
01-13-2017, 05:51 PM
I second this, with gusto.
Jim and I are often at each others throats, but I have never doubted the fact that he is an exceptional father. If you can take a child with attention deficit disorders and guide them to being a good citizen with outstanding grades, you get the gold star from me.
I see parents on a regular basis who back away from such. Often their pride or social standings keeps them from admitting that their child has problems and that they have to work harder. Or else they blame the school for not molding their child into their standards.

Parenting is difficult. My husband handles it better than I do because he has more patience and places himself under less stress. He knows that there are things that girls can only learn from their mothers, just as there are things that boys can only learn from their fathers.

My goal is to eventually become as good of a parent as Abbey and Kathianne are. Because obviously they have done their jobs well.

Thank you, Gabby, that was so very nice.

Gunny
01-13-2017, 06:14 PM
Thank you, Gabby, that was so very nice.

Completely agree. Oldest granddaughter is the retard from Hell and a bully. The SIL just yells at her. I can get her to do anything with some positive reinforcement. Lot of dynamics involved in the situation and I have to back off lots. I am not the parent.

And FTR, I TOTALY disagree with drugging kids up. That annoys me to no end. Make them mind. It works.

Kathianne
01-13-2017, 06:35 PM
Completely agree. Oldest granddaughter is the retard from Hell and a bully. The SIL just yells at her. I can get her to do anything with some positive reinforcement. Lot of dynamics involved in the situation and I have to back off lots. I am not the parent.

And FTR, I TOTALY disagree with drugging kids up. That annoys me to no end. Make them mind. It works.

I agree with a consistent discipline plan, whatever form it takes. More than anything else, kids need rules and expected consequences. I don't know anyone that thinks that 'drugging kids up' is a good idea.

I do think there are kids that need help that meds can provide. Of course if they've never had consistency, there are going to be problems with docs and the necessary tests to determine IF really necessary and WHAT problems are underlying if any.

With that said, I don't think the meds you refer to are in the same category as vaccinations, where I do think the government should take a stand on whether or not to allow a child into a school or public venue.

gabosaurus
01-13-2017, 08:29 PM
And "exceptional" father? Not really. I'd love to say that, but the exceptional one is my wife. I still question myself every time. I still want to call Mom every single time I am afraid of something and need advice. Can't do that no more. :( I get stressed quite easy, and kids are tiny little stress balls that stick like glue and the law forces you to keep using them. :)

A boy will always relate more to his father. Especially when he has problems relating to vulnerability and insecurity.
What parent doesn't question themselves? I'm not adverse to calling my mom, my mother in law, my sister in law or anyone else I think might help me. I've even asked questions on this board.


You know I still can't stand you.

You are in good company, I am sure. :cool:

Gunny
01-13-2017, 08:38 PM
I agree with a consistent discipline plan, whatever form it takes. More than anything else, kids need rules and expected consequences. I don't know anyone that thinks that 'drugging kids up' is a good idea.

I do think there are kids that need help that meds can provide. Of course if they've never had consistency, there are going to be problems with docs and the necessary tests to determine IF really necessary and WHAT problems are underlying if any.

With that said, I don't think the meds you refer to are in the same category as vaccinations, where I do think the government should take a stand on whether or not to allow a child into a school or public venue.


Were close to the same age and grew up with a different mindset. I am surprised however you are a school teacher and not up to snuff on drugging the kids. Answer for everything. It's also a mindset I do not understand that has been around since :Mother's Little Helper". I wont take pills period.

Back to the point, all of these people that believe in this therpy crap let their kids get put on meds. and they keep changing them. Then wonder why their kids are fruitloops.

Maybe these people that get paid to practice psychology should give it a try sometimes.

gabosaurus
01-13-2017, 08:48 PM
Were close to the same age and grew up with a different mindset. I am surprised however you are a school teacher and not up to snuff on drugging the kids. Answer for everything. It's also a mindset I do not understand that has been around since :Mother's Little Helper". I wont take pills period.

Back to the point, all of these people that believe in this therpy crap let their kids get put on meds. and they keep changing them. Then wonder why their kids are fruitloops.

Maybe these people that get paid to practice psychology should give it a try sometimes.

If you were bipolar and suffered from clinical depression and anxiety, you would take medication. Or you wouldn't function in society.
You don't understand the mindset because it hadn't developed when you were growing up. My mother-in-law was bipolar and severely depressed when she was younger. Her parents just thought she was anti-social and disliked parental authority.
They used to treat this with shock treatments. Or just a lot of beatings and a lot of yelling and screaming. Doesn't work like that anymore.

Gunny
01-13-2017, 09:20 PM
If you were bipolar and suffered from clinical depression and anxiety, you would take medication. Or you wouldn't function in society.
You don't understand the mindset because it hadn't developed when you were growing up. My mother-in-law was bipolar and severely depressed when she was younger. Her parents just thought she was anti-social and disliked parental authority.
They used to treat this with shock treatments. Or just a lot of beatings and a lot of yelling and screaming. Doesn't work like that anymore.

I got news for you, ma'am, I am the anxiety king of the word and I suffer clinical depression. I hate ALL authority and am anti-social to the nth degree. But I deal with it.

The one time an ex got me put on meds I went insane.I destroyed the inside of the garage and almost burned it down. I'd rather just make myself behave than put me on crap that makes me whacky as hell, I don't even remember doing any of that stuff. THAT scares me. I don't want to end up in prison for something I don'te even remember doing.

Kathianne
01-13-2017, 09:41 PM
Were close to the same age and grew up with a different mindset. I am surprised however you are a school teacher and not up to snuff on drugging the kids. Answer for everything. It's also a mindset I do not understand that has been around since :Mother's Little Helper". I wont take pills period.

Back to the point, all of these people that believe in this therpy crap let their kids get put on meds. and they keep changing them. Then wonder why their kids are fruitloops.

Maybe these people that get paid to practice psychology should give it a try sometimes.

I'm well aware of kids that are medicated that likely shouldn't be, because it's easier for the parents than actually disciplining. I'm also aware of kids that do need medications to cope with, often overcome things like depression, anxiety, attention issues, etc., so they are able to grow up with self-discipline, a decent education, and learning to cope if necessary with getting help to not be controlled by an illness, anymore than someone should suffer the consequences of other illnesses without the necessary medications like insulin or antibiotics.

I'd rather someone be on the right medication for depression than be suicidal.

gabosaurus
01-13-2017, 10:39 PM
I got news for you, ma'am, I am the anxiety king of the word and I suffer clinical depression. I hate ALL authority and am anti-social to the nth degree. But I deal with it.

The one time an ex got me put on meds I went insane.I destroyed the inside of the garage and almost burned it down. I'd rather just make myself behave than put me on crap that makes me whacky as hell, I don't even remember doing any of that stuff. THAT scares me. I don't want to end up in prison for something I don'te even remember doing.

If you are truly ill, you can't just "make yourself behave." You might believe you are, but those around you know otherwise.
You have to be diagnosed, evaluated, prescribed and monitor.
I do wish you would find help. I don't want you to end up dead for something you don't remember doing.

Gunny
01-14-2017, 01:30 AM
If you are truly ill, you can't just "make yourself behave." You might believe you are, but those around you know otherwise.
You have to be diagnosed, evaluated, prescribed and monitor.
I do wish you would find help. I don't want you to end up dead for something you don't remember doing.

Sure you can. It's called self-discipline and knowing what the problem is. I'm from a different world than you are. Agree with it or not, discipline works. Unacceptable behavior is exactly that. Punishment for the crime works. And pain is a great motivator. How that pain is delivered and received depends on the person.

I think I spanked my daughter once and the old cliché ... did more damage to me than her. All I had to do was give a disapproving look to her and she was punished.

The younger daughter was terrified of me (because of her mom's BS). But to this day she has no sense of responsibility nd still literally lives in her mommy's basement. I didn't raise that one (I was Ash's only parent for years). I haven't had much to do with the younger since she was about 6 because the mom would try to use her to control me and all the BS her mother filled her head with. Nothing phases her. She's in the "entitled" group.

You earn what you get with me. I was dragging a lawn mower from the time I was 12 so I could get my own Levis instead of Wearing Sears Best.

We don't and/or are not allowed to teach our children personal responsibility anymore. You have to deal with people individually for what that they are. They all get cars. Rewind back to I was just after some jeans.

And if something is wrong? We'll give you a pill. Lot easier than taking responsibility for teaching your child. I taught my daughter to think and care. If that's my contribution to the planet, so be it.

Gunny
01-14-2017, 04:50 AM
If you are truly ill, you can't just "make yourself behave." You might believe you are, but those around you know otherwise.
You have to be diagnosed, evaluated, prescribed and monitor.
I do wish you would find help. I don't want you to end up dead for something you don't remember doing.

Worst thing about doctors is they don't listen. They jump to conclusions. They already know and you can't say crap they'll listen to. I'm as smart as any doctor I've ever known. If you are going to not listen to me and just start prescribing wrote crap from a book, I don't need you. The best doctor I've ever known I slammed into the wall.:laugh: And it isn't because she saved me so much as she handled the situation. I can appreciate that. She knew what she was doing.

If I had all the answers Missus Ma'am, I'd write me a book and be rich and famous. I don't like medication. Never have. Now does that mean I am a dumbass and would deny my kids medication like some goofballs do? No. And this could be a whole nother topic and I am up to snuff on medication. I'll leave this thread where it lays because it's about people.