Russians are joking

[Balu]

Russian joke - With the departure of Obama a black stripe in the US will disappear. (a joke on the brink of a foul)

[Balu]

- Do you know the difference between an erudite man and non erudite?
- Yes, I do.
- ?
- The erudite knows the difference between Gogol and Hegel, Hegel and Bebel, Bebel and Babel, Babel and cable, cable and a male dog, a male dog and a bitch. And non erudite knows only the latter.
(In Russian words cable and male dog are consonant and differ only by one vowel - кабель/кобель)

[Balu]

Two friends met. One asks:
- I heard you got a new job and how well, are you satisfied with it?
- I do not know.
- Well... look. When you go to work and see beautiful young girls, what do you think about?
- To flirt ...
- And when you are returning back home after work?
- Faster would come to a sofa and relax.
- So, you are satisfied.

[Balu]

- What will be the price of big Mac in NYC in 2020?
- 1.5 rubles.

[Balu]

The International Violin Competition passed. The prize was a violin of Stradivari. There were two participants from the Soviet Union . One took the second place, the second was the last but one.
After the competition they sat in a hotel room and the first was lamenting.
- Oh, if I would have picked out the wrong note, the violin could be mine ...
The second man answered
- Don't be so disappointed. It does not deserve you were so upset
First:
- You see, for me the violin of Stradivari is the same as the revolver of Dzerzhinsky for you.

[Balu]

"But I've been sorry for Bill - he so much wanted to be the First Lady ..." http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/standart/sorry.gif

[GravyBoat]

Those jokes are so funny, in America when a joke is very funny, we forget to laugh. So those jokes will get laughs when I remember them again sometime.

:clap:

[Balu]

This story took place during the Cold War on the border of Germany and East Germany. Brilliant heads of designers from Germany found a very original way to test their tanks in the 'real' environment - autonomously controlled car slipped under our guns, getting on the nerves of a frontier guard.
Those, in turn, also did their best - the new missiles were developed fairly regularly. Germans dragged back destroyed tank by a cable attached to it, and studied the damage, trying to maximize it's invulnerability. Time went on, the progress, too. One day, another one of the neighbors' tanks got a new, super cool shell directly on the bonce, but the tank was not killed, as it had been before, survived and was successfully towed back-home.
Naturally, our Command disliked this situation. They invited several eminent engineers and put them a task - to come up with something that can calm down Germans. Engineers were savvy and highly experienced people. The solution was found very easily ...
- Comrades, let us piss of this infection from the old model of air defense gun?
No sooner said than done! They dragged the old air defense cannon, designed to cut off enemy air-crafts at altitudes of up to ten kilometers (such gun were before the missiles were used) ...
The cannon was terrible! The length of the barrel was about 10 meters + specially designed kinetic solid projectile. It was installed without any changes on a concrete pedestal, only the barrel was not deployed upwards and as it should be. So, the hour has come. ...
Another German tank brazenly stepped where it should not have been, we uncovered a new 'toy' and fired. No one of academicians expected such an effect!
The tank was hit not in the literal sense of the word. It looked like a 60-ton piece of iron "blown" out of it's seat. Heavy tank was broken into fragments, which, obeying natural laws, flew to the "home" on their own without any tow ...
Since then, NATO has abandoned their beloved habit to test new technology on the border with Soviet troops.

[NightTrain]

This story took place during the Cold War on the border of Germany and East Germany. Brilliant heads of designers from Germany found a very original way to test their tanks in the 'real' environment - autonomously controlled car slipped under our guns, getting on the nerves of a frontier guard.
Those, in turn, also did their best - the new missiles were developed fairly regularly. Germans dragged back destroyed tank by a cable attached to it, and studied the damage, trying to maximize it's invulnerability. Time went on, the progress, too. One day, another one of the neighbors' tanks got a new, super cool shell directly on the bonce, but the tank was not killed, as it had been before, survived and was successfully towed back-home.
Naturally, our Command disliked this situation. They invited several eminent engineers and put them a task - to come up with something that can calm down Germans. Engineers were savvy and highly experienced people. The solution was found very easily ...
- Comrades, let us piss of this infection from the old model of air defense gun?
No sooner said than done! They dragged the old air defense cannon, designed to cut off enemy air-crafts at altitudes of up to ten kilometers (such gun were before the missiles were used) ...
The cannon was terrible! The length of the barrel was about 10 meters + specially designed kinetic solid projectile. It was installed without any changes on a concrete pedestal, only the barrel was not deployed upwards and as it should be. So, the hour has come. ...
Another German tank brazenly stepped where it should not have been, we uncovered a new 'toy' and fired. No one of academicians expected such an effect!
The tank was hit not in the literal sense of the word. It looked like a 60-ton piece of iron "blown" out of it's seat. Heavy tank was broken into fragments, which, obeying natural laws, flew to the "home" on their own without any tow ...
Since then, NATO has abandoned their beloved habit to test new technology on the border with Soviet troops.

True story?

[Balu]

True story?

Lord knows but never says.
As to me it looks like a soldier's tale. :laugh:

[CSM]

Lord knows but never says.
As to me it looks like a soldier's tale. :laugh:

I like war stories! This one reminded me of the German 88s during WWII ... not that I was in WWII

[Balu]

A joke of Soviet times.
A janitor who was sweeping a courtyard was very similar to Karl Marx. Once the District Secretary of the Communist Party saw him sweeping and asked whether he knew of his resemblance to one of the founders of the Theory of Communism? The janitor replied that he did. The Secretary said that it was awkward and offered him to get his beard shaved. The janitor replied - No problems! But what to do with my brains?

[Balu]

A married couple is lying in bed
Husband
- We have been married for a month. Tell me how many men you totally had?
- What for?
- Well, I'm just wondering. Do trust me, I will never reproach you in future.
- OK, Dear. Seven.
- Oh, seven nowadays means nothing. So, I am the seventh.
- No. You are the third.

[Balu]

- May a 'color revolution' occur in the USA?
- No! Never!
- Why?
- Because there is no an American Embassy in the USA.
-------------------------------------
To clarify. Can you imagine Russian transport aircrafts landing with tons of cash in JFK airport, the American Liberals visiting Russian Embassy for financing and the Assistant of Minister Lavrov distributing cookie among the protesting demonstrators in NY city? :laugh:

http://img-fotki.yandex.ru/get/6724/25039684.47/0_10e839_ec0c49d4_XL.jpg

[Balu]

Monya from Israel is calling to his friend in Odessa:
- Senya, what is going on in Ukraine?
- Oh, Ukraine has a little war with Russia ...
- You might have suffered losses?
- Yes, there are some ... Ukraine has lost the Crimea, a couple of areas, several airplanes and helicopters, tanks, some armored combat vehicles, some artillery and munition, and a lot of casualties ...
- And what about Russians?
- Monya, but you won't believe, but Russian still has not arrived to this war ...

[Balu]

https://imgfast.net/users/1416/36/74/40/avatars/336-24.png

Ukrainiy
Half-life period - 23 years.

[Balu]

http://radikal.ru/video/6zP9tisOXJ9

[Balu]

The State Department expressed concern that the expression of its previous concern did not cause any concern.

[Balu]

http://cont.ws/uploads/pic/2017/4/3%20%28248%29.jpg

[aboutime]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTcalhZyJeOqx0cSAR_WpuOP2L4vpIIY ed_9KGDuc4MCB-QNug3

[Balu]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTcalhZyJeOqx0cSAR_WpuOP2L4vpIIY ed_9KGDuc4MCB-QNug3


I understand your traditional LOVE for fakes, but DO stick to the TRUTH! :laugh:

http://cs4.pikabu.ru/images/big_size_comm/2015-01_1/1420378894117.jpg

[Black Diamond]

I understand your traditional LOVE for fakes, but DO stick to the TRUTH! :laugh:

http://cs4.pikabu.ru/images/big_size_comm/2015-01_1/1420378894117.jpg
Stalin won it at least once. And he killed more men than hitler. Or does uncle vladdie not tell you that part?

[aboutime]

I understand your traditional LOVE for fakes, but DO stick to the TRUTH! :laugh:

http://cs4.pikabu.ru/images/big_size_comm/2015-01_1/1420378894117.jpg



That's funny Balu. YOU, coming here and telling us to STICK TO THE TRUTH???

Tell us which part of all of your PROPAGANDA has been true???

[Kathianne]

We love jokes!

http://www.debatepolicy.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9859&stc=1

[KarlMarx]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A

[gabosaurus]

If Balu is a representative sample, the Russians are jokes.

[Balu]

If Balu is a representative sample, the Russians are jokes.
Well, Americans. I am pretty happy to observe one more time your hysteria and stupidity when you are not able to understand the MEANING of the latest caricature showing the attitude of YOUR President to your Senate before his making decision to provide an air strike against Syria. So the Europeans are so right when all of them are laughing at your restricted mental abilities. Proceed on, Americans. You managed to raise my mood. Congrats, offended self-imposed narcissistic kids! :clap:

[Balu]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVzvY2h_bQ8

[Balu]

We love jokes!

http://www.debatepolicy.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9859&stc=1

American geographical ignorance, transforming into geographical cretinism, is available even in this caricature. Do learn, Americans - Russia is to the EAST from Ukraine! To the EAST but NOT to the West! To the West there is GERMANY, where the Bear is an Emblem of Berlin, semi-educate American housekeeper-Super Moderator .:clap::laugh:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/97/d0/82/97d08270381eb94633e92d5dbb7690d3.jpg


N - for the North
E - for the East
S - for the South
W- for the West

The emblem of Berlin (Germany)

https://i1.wp.com/www.berlin101.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/berlin-flag-150x150.jpg?zoom=1.5625&resize=252%2C168

[Kathianne]

:laugh2: Oooooo, poke the bear and he's a mouse!

[Balu]

:laugh2: Oooooo, poke the bear and he's a mouse!

Just a liquid excuse in a useless attempt to cover up own ignorance evident for everybody. This is ridiculous, and funny, caddish semi-educated American housekeeper. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/big_standart/empathy.gif

[Black Diamond]

American geographical ignorance, transforming into geographical cretinism, is available even in this caricature. Do learn, Americans - Russia is to the EAST from Ukraine! To the EAST but NOT to the West! To the West there is GERMANY, where the Bear is an Emblem of Berlin, semi-educate American housekeeper-Super Moderator .:clap::laugh:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/97/d0/82/97d08270381eb94633e92d5dbb7690d3.jpg


N - for the North
E - for the East
S - for the South
W- for the West

The emblem of Berlin (Germany)

https://i1.wp.com/www.berlin101.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/berlin-flag-150x150.jpg?zoom=1.5625&resize=252%2C168
You really look stupid here.

[Gunny]

You really look stupid here.Now asswipe, this is where you hurt yourself with you grandfather clause so somebody needs to quote this so nimrod can see it.

You will NOT question us as moderators. You can PM us or report a post. Kathianne has done nothing to you but slam your lame commie shit back in your face. AS A MEMBER. I'll shove your shit right up your ass, fucker. I hope we're clear damned commie Piece of shit. If you need help I can expound. Go ahead and piss ME the fuck off.

You leave kath alone and be polite or it's lights out for your ass.

[Black Diamond]

Just a liquid excuse in a useless attempt to cover up own ignorance evident for everybody. This is ridiculous, and funny, caddish semi-educated American housekeeper. http://www.kolobok.us/smiles/big_standart/empathy.gif
Says the chickenshit who totally missed what Kath said. Invest in some ESL classes.

[Kathianne]

Now Gunny, picking on our little commie buddy? LOL! He doesn't bother me, he's :laugh2:. He really shouldn't threaten the US with a nuclear first strike, but what can one expect from a second rate bear? They have to put in their teeth to have a bite of an apple, we need to have some empathy after all.

[Gunny]

Now Gunny, picking on our little commie buddy? LOL! He doesn't bother me, he's :laugh2:. He really shouldn't threaten the US with a nuclear first strike, but what can one expect from a second rate bear? They have to put in their teeth to have a bite of an apple, we need to have some empathy after all.You know I'm overprotective.

[Kathianne]

You know I'm overprotective.


No worries, I like that about you. I do have my ole' lil' housewife claws last I looked! :laugh2: