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stephanie
02-03-2007, 01:38 AM
Has anyone ever heard of, A MAN CODE?? :uhoh:

C.W. Nevius

Saturday, February 3, 2007

When the Gavin Newsom scandal broke, most of us assumed the public reaction would be a no-brainer. Sleeping with a married woman? How do you think that would play with wives, girlfriends and single women in the Bay Area?

As a Newsom staffer told a Chronicle reporter, there goes the women's vote.

But a funny thing happened after the headlines hit and the buzz began: Many women said they were ready to forgive and forget.

Not men, though. No way. Many said they would never trust Newsom again as long as they lived. Some were livid; many were incredulous.

The difference? Apparently it is the Man Code, a set of rigid but unwritten boundaries over which no man may step. Break the Man Code, and you're toast. :dunno:

"It's a huge betrayal," sputtered Jason Mundstuk, 67, a business owner from Oakland who got upset just talking about it. "It's big. It's mythical."

C'mon, you say, what is this, a TV beer commercial? Evidently not. These guys were dead serious. Make no mistake -- having an affair with the wife of a trusted male colleague is an irrevocable Man Code violation.

"Hello?" wrote Mike Mulholland, 43, who grew up in the Bay Area before moving to San Diego County. "Newsom slept with his friend's wife. What if he stole from a friend? Or tried to frame a friend? Would that also be nobody's business?"

OK, haven't we heard this before? After all, Bill Clinton had his indiscretions with Monica Lewinsky. Former San Jose Mayor Ron Gonzales had a relationship with a 25-year-old member of his staff. So when news of Newsom's affair broke, the reaction of some women was: Are we supposed to be surprised by this?

"I feel like it's the norm now," said 19-year-old Jackie Abramo, who was having lunch with friends at Westfield San Francisco Centre on Friday. "I think it is sad, but it is almost expected."

Expected? The norm? Don't tell the men that.

"When you talk about things that are as low as you can go, without being criminal, this is it," said C.J. Keane, 43, of San Francisco. "Clinton, Gonzales, none of those guys are at this level. (Newsom) slept with the wife of a friend. Are you kidding me?"

It seems that what is at work here is another case in which women are from Venus and men are from the mysterious, dark side of the moon.

"There is a code that men live by," says family therapist Tracey Gersten, a woman. "Women may not know about it, or they may pooh-pooh it, but it is very real. I think if you put a group of men in a room, they'd have no trouble putting a man code together."

They certainly didn't have any trouble coming together on this one. When I wrote a column earlier this week suggesting that many San Franciscans were ready to let the mayor move on, my e-mail box filled up with men who disagreed. So did The Chronicle's voice-mail system. Most of the men who called to react to this week's scandal were upset with the mayor, while most of the women weren't.

Some of the responses were a little off-the-wall. One woman called in to say she thought Newsom campaign manager Alex Tourk, who quit over the incident, should consider it a compliment that "his wife was worth such flattering attention." But several of the women who called said we were making too much of this indiscretion. It happens, they said.

But not in the Man Code world. The reaction from men was loud and clear.

"The betrayal is the big thing," said Colin Hussey, 44, who was among those who wrote me. "Good God, this is your loyal ally. It is that sense of honor. It's like the samurai or even the mafia."

Contrast that with someone like Erika Von Taube. She was visiting from San Diego, but she spoke for many women who didn't see what the fuss was about.

"Who a politician is sleeping with is none of my business," Von Taube said Friday. "I would absolutely vote for him if he was doing a good job."

Chris Lehane, a consultant who worked for Clinton and other top Democrats, says the split isn't a total surprise. Although he stresses that gender generalizations are always dangerous, he thinks some trends do emerge.

"The reality is that men tend to be less forgiving and more ideologically conservative," Lehane says, "while women tend to be more sensitive to human foibles. We see in the poll numbers that women are more likely to come back and be supportive than men."

That's certainly what the mayor's staff is counting on. Newsom's chief political strategist, Eric Jaye, says that while there may be a great deal of reaction now, the mayoral race in November won't turn on the scandal.

"When we leap forward to November, the issues will be what they always are," Jaye says. "Are the buses running on time, and are we still filling those potholes?"

But, I asked Jaye, what about the Man Code?

"We did not consult the Man Code," he said.

Well, all right. But you've been warned.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/03/NEVIUS.TMP

Mr. P
02-03-2007, 01:44 AM
Has anyone ever heard of, A MAN CODE?? :uhoh:

....

Yes, I've heard of it and "It's big. It's mythical." :)

stephanie
02-03-2007, 01:50 AM
Yes, I've heard of it and "It's big. It's mythical." :)

Man, I'm behind in the REAL WORLD...Must be because I live in Alaska....I'm outta touch..:lmao:

Mr. P
02-03-2007, 01:53 AM
Man, I'm behind in the REAL WORLD...Must be because I live in Alaska....I'm outta touch..:lmao:

well steph, up there everyones a man. Aren't they? :dev:

Time for me to go to bed now. :wink2:

stephanie
02-03-2007, 02:03 AM
well steph, up there everyones a man. Aren't they? :Dev:

Time for me to go to bed now. :wink2:

:no:

I hope those bedbugs don't bite you where.....................................it hurts...:laugh:

Mr. P
02-03-2007, 02:04 AM
:no:

I hope those bedbugs don't bite you where.....................................it hurts...:laugh:

Me too..:)

Hey, I’m a puss when it comes to cold.. I could deal with the light 24/7, but not the dark 24/7.

Then ya never know, someday I may just head thata way.

Night.

stephanie
02-03-2007, 02:30 AM
Me too..:)

Hey, I’m a puss when it comes to cold.. I could deal with the light 24/7, but not the dark 24/7.

Then ya never know, someday I may just head thataway.

Night.

Let me know if ya ever want to visit...I'd be glad to show you some down home Hospitality....
Of course the best time to visit up here is in the summer...
There's a lot of gorgeous places to see here...More-so down south from where I live....But it is beautiful....
Hey, we were at 45 above today, IN FEBUARY........:uhoh:
That dang global warming hit us good, and we are all loving it.........
We've also gained a 1/1/2 hours of daylight since the winter solstice......Yee haa:wink2:

jackass
02-03-2007, 08:34 AM
Steph...what part of Alaska do you live? I tried talking my wife into moving there...but that was a no go!! Hahaha I still wouldnt mind doing it. :)

Roomy
02-03-2007, 10:16 AM
I have morals and yes, not boffing my best friends wife/girlfriend would be a no no.

Hugh Lincoln
02-03-2007, 11:02 AM
The liberal mayor of San Francisco is expected to comply with the Man Code?

KitchenKitten99
02-03-2007, 11:16 AM
never heard of 'man code', but there is a term that i hear on a local FM talk station KTLK, specifically Dan Conry's show, called 'ManLaw'.

manu1959
02-03-2007, 11:58 AM
gavin newsom a man....yea right.....

Gaffer
02-03-2007, 01:25 PM
There are men in san fransico?

Nienna
02-03-2007, 02:05 PM
Well, we can deny it or not, but it seems to me that most men feel a certain possessiveness about their womenfolk. It's natural. Hopefully not taken so far as to be domineering, but it is natural.

jackass
02-05-2007, 04:56 PM
Well, we can deny it or not, but it seems to me that most men feel a certain possessiveness about their womenfolk. It's natural. Hopefully not taken so far as to be domineering, but it is natural.

All women should bow at my feet!!! :2up:

Bubbalicious
02-05-2007, 05:14 PM
Has anyone ever heard of, A MAN CODE?? :uhoh:

Sleeping with your friend's S.O., male or female, is a breach of friend code, not man code.

jto - This is one of those stories I don't get why it's in the news. Isn't there a shark attack or a virus mutation happening somewhere that we can freak out about?

Yurt
02-05-2007, 05:32 PM
Yes, I've heard of it and "It's big. It's mythical." :)

:read:

Yes.

I am sure you girls have a "code" too.

Though don't know if it is big and mythical.

:dev:

stephanie
02-05-2007, 05:35 PM
Sleeping with your friend's S.O., male or female, is a breach of friend code, not man code.

jto - This is one of those stories I don't get why it's in the news. Isn't there a shark attack or a virus mutation happening somewhere that we can freak out about?
:lol:
If it's so beneath your standards that we should talk about a public official diddling another mans wife...

Why reply to the article?;)

Yurt
02-05-2007, 05:42 PM
:lol:
If it's so beneath your standards that we should talk about a public official diddling another mans wife...

Why reply to the article?;)

Good point. Somehow that guy thinks a shark attack is more important than the morals of a mayor in one of america's biggest cities. It is a "big" deal because this guy has made himself a "moral center" with his homosexual pushing agenda.


Further, this is not about "christian" or any other religious morals, this type of act speaks to all people, regardless of faith. He screwed his "best buddies" wife, an employee. Yet bubble thinks this is no big deal.

:dunno:

Bubbalicious
02-05-2007, 05:44 PM
:lol:
If it's so beneath your standards that we should talk about a public official diddling another mans wife...

Why reply to the article?;)

I wasn't ragging on you for posting it. I was ragging on the news for covering it. He did his public apology the other day and was talking about how "the rumors you've heard are true" and that was the first I'd heard of the affair. The whole thing just feels like none of my business.

Mr. P
02-05-2007, 05:48 PM
:read:

Yes.

I am sure you girls have a "code" too.

Though don't know if it is big and mythical.

:dev:
Of course they have a code but we have broken their code.

An example of their code; woman 1 ‘I need to powder my nose’ woman 2 ‘I’ll go with you’. In code this simply means, ‘Lets go to the ladies room and talk about these guys and decide what we’re going to do later’. :D

avatar4321
02-05-2007, 05:53 PM
Now why on earth would people think that a guy sleeping with his friends wife is at all bad?

Is it that difficult to understand why some guys might not like this?

Yurt
02-05-2007, 05:54 PM
Of course they have a code but we have broken their code.

An example of their code; woman 1 ‘I need to powder my nose’ woman 2 ‘I’ll go with you’. In code this simply means, ‘Lets go to the ladies room and talk about these guys and decide what we’re going to do later’. :D


Ha, true.

stephanie
02-05-2007, 06:05 PM
I wasn't ragging on you for posting it. I was ragging on the news for covering it. He did his public apology the other day and was talking about how "the rumors you've heard are true" and that was the first I'd heard of the affair. The whole thing just feels like none of my business.

To me it really shows the moral decay in our Society, when a person can screw another mans wife, it's broadcasted all over the T.V and newspapers, (hey, we didn't write the articles or report the news about it), but then so many people feel like, OH WELL....NO BIG DEAL..
He apologized...:( Well hell, I'm sure since he apologized the husband feels so MUCH BETTER...

good grief...

:dunno:

Nienna
02-05-2007, 06:08 PM
All women should bow at my feet!!! :2up:

Good luck with that! lol!

manu1959
02-05-2007, 06:08 PM
I wasn't ragging on you for posting it. I was ragging on the news for covering it. He did his public apology the other day and was talking about how "the rumors you've heard are true" and that was the first I'd heard of the affair. The whole thing just feels like none of my business.

He betrayed his best freind and campaign manager by sleeping with his wife.

his moral and ethical judgement is in question....if had just drilled some under 21 girl that had been drinking at a govt. function or shown up drunk at a govt. function then i guess it would n't be that big a deal......oh wait he did that as well....

Nienna
02-05-2007, 06:10 PM
Of course they have a code but we have broken their code.

An example of their code; woman 1 ‘I need to powder my nose’ woman 2 ‘I’ll go with you’. In code this simply means, ‘Lets go to the ladies room and talk about these guys and decide what we’re going to do later’. :D

Well... sort of. Women go to the bathroom in groups just because they like the company. But, yes, we WILL be talking about you!

:D

Insein
02-05-2007, 06:11 PM
I don't believe gay men are part of the code.

Mr. P
02-05-2007, 06:27 PM
I don't believe gay men are part of the code.

They have their own code, silly. It’s in colors, fabrics, fashion, beauty shops and antiques. :D

Bubbalicious
02-05-2007, 07:02 PM
He betrayed his best freind and campaign manager by sleeping with his wife.

his moral and ethical judgement is in question....if had just drilled some under 21 girl that had been drinking at a govt. function or shown up drunk at a govt. function then i guess it would n't be that big a deal......oh wait he did that as well....

He was a friend, yes. His best friend, I don't know. Yeah it's a crappy thing to do, I just don't think I need to know about it.

I wonder how much you guys are going to hold Rudy Guiliani's feet to the fire for his infidelties over the next several months :dunno:
I suppose we'll see how much of that kind of thing really is the public's business.

jackass
02-05-2007, 07:07 PM
Good luck with that! lol!

Jim can we get a bowing smiley?? ?:laugh:

Yurt
02-05-2007, 07:15 PM
He was a friend, yes. His best friend, I don't know. Yeah it's a crappy thing to do, I just don't think I need to know about it.

I wonder how much you guys are going to hold Rudy Guiliani's feet to the fire for his infidelties over the next several months :dunno:
I suppose we'll see how much of that kind of thing really is the public's business.

You knowing, talking about it proves your "point" wrong.

Sitarro
02-05-2007, 08:50 PM
Here in Texas you could shoot both of them and claim temporary insanity and most would understand it. Now if you are the wife and catch the husband cheating, wait in the parking lot of the hotel and run him over with the Mercedes he bought for you....numerous times, with his daughter in the car.... that will get you a trip to prison.....I believe that they refer to that as premeditated. She did have female fans that thought it was ok to use him as a speed bump though.

Insein
02-05-2007, 10:16 PM
To clarify, cheating in the man code isn't a violation. It's cheating with another man's wife thats a violation. Cheating with a firend's wife is like a mortal sin.

Bubbalicious
02-05-2007, 11:11 PM
To clarify, cheating in the man code isn't a violation. It's cheating with another man's wife thats a violation. Cheating with a firend's wife is like a mortal sin.

How about sleeping with someone's husband? Or your wife's friend?

This 'man code' thing is sounding like some kind of property law.

Insein
02-05-2007, 11:20 PM
It's a rule among honorable men that you abide by or face scorn from other honorable men. No actual penalty will result form breaking said law except that you will be looked down upon in the man community.

With chicks, they're all sluts anyway when they cheat so who cares. ;)

manu1959
02-06-2007, 12:04 AM
He betrayed his best freind and campaign manager by sleeping with his wife.

his moral and ethical judgement is in question....if had just drilled some under 21 girl that had been drinking at a govt. function or shown up drunk at a govt. function then i guess it would n't be that big a deal......oh wait he did that as well....

uh oh....looks like he needs help with his booze intake!....local news....classic

manu1959
02-06-2007, 12:06 AM
How about sleeping with someone's husband? Or your wife's friend?

This 'man code' thing is sounding like some kind of property law.

nah it is about respect for other men....you do not steal their girl nor after he is done, yes done with her, her do you 'date' her.....

Pale Rider
02-06-2007, 12:10 AM
nah it is about respect for other men....you do not steal their girl nor after he is done, yes done with her, do you 'date' her.....

I was just going to say that. We must both know the same "man law"... :thumb:

manu1959
02-06-2007, 12:19 AM
I was just going to say that. We must both know the same "man law"... :thumb:

i had two girlfiends taken, one by my best freind and one by his brother.....i told their dad, who was 'my dad".....he was never going to meet my girlfriend.....he was shocked i din't kill both his sons.....

Pale Rider
02-06-2007, 12:21 AM
i had two girlfiends taken, one by my best freind and one by his brother.....i told their dad, who was 'my dad".....he was never going to meet my girlfriend.....he was shocked i din't kill both his sons.....

I've had friends girlfriends give me the hint before and after they'd broken up with my friends. I made it abundantly clear that I had no interest in them.

manu1959
02-06-2007, 12:24 AM
I've had friends girlfriends give me the hint before and after they'd broken up with my friends. I made it abundantly clear that I had no interest in them.

you are a good man.....i have done the same.....and of course they were hot.....

Hobbit
02-06-2007, 12:34 AM
I've had friends girlfriends give me the hint before and after they'd broken up with my friends. I made it abundantly clear that I had no interest in them.

True, it is only acceptable to date a friend's ex under three specific conditions.

1) She must wait until a reasonable amount of time after the breakup to start dropping hints (two weeks, minimum, sounds about right to me). This is just as much for your good as anyone else's, as you don't want a girl who will be looking around while she's with you.

2) The breakup must have occurred smoothely, with both sides going their seperate ways. Them remaining friends is a best case scenario.

3) The friend must be over the breakup at least enough to be ok with you pursuing the relationship. Gaining permission is similar to the sister-dating policy, only with fewer restrictions.

Only when these three criteria have been met may you date a friend's ex. It might also do you a lot of good to find out why they broke up, or it could go poorly for you.

manu1959
02-06-2007, 12:35 AM
True, it is only acceptable to date a friend's ex under three specific conditions.

1) She must wait until a reasonable amount of time after the breakup to start dropping hints (two weeks, minimum, sounds about right to me). This is just as much for your good as anyone else's, as you don't want a girl who will be looking around while she's with you.

2) The breakup must have occurred smoothely, with both sides going their seperate ways. Them remaining friends is a best case scenario.

3) The friend must be over the breakup at least enough to be ok with you pursuing the relationship.

Only when these three criteria have been met may you date a friend's ex. It might also do you a lot of good to find out why they broke up, or it could go poorly for you.

wrong.....