View Full Version : Men, before you Divorce~Food for Thought
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 11:22 AM
This didn't seem to fit anywhere else.
.............And being married, you and your wife may have just put your child to bed
with Harry Potter or the Little Engine That Could or other magical
children's stories that teach the value of never giving up and struggling
against the odds. And as the evening goes on, you end up in one of those god
awful fights with her that leave you feeling alone and why should you have
to put up with this as hard as you work and try. And it's hard to feel like
nobody else has it as bad or understands what you feel except perhaps the
woman you've begun to have an affair with who always says the right thing
and makes you feel good about yourself, which, of course, you deserve. And
the sex with the woman you're having an affair with is unbelievable because
sex is always unbelievable in affairs or else why would anybody bother?
And since you're a married father, who goes on vacations with his kids and
helps them with their soccer, homework or playground politics, you may
underestimate the feelings of seeing your child walk out of the house you
once lived in as family, holding the hand of your ex-wife's new husband.
Perhaps you're surprised by the stab of betrayal when you hear your child
refer to your ex-wife's new husband as "my other daddy." And even though
you've had enough psychotherapy to start a clinic on both coasts, you watch
yourself get mad and hurt and state that she Does not, Can not and Will not
have another daddy because that is a position only you can fill and if she
ever brings up that phrase again, something really bad is going to happen to
somebody, you're just not sure who...................
For the whole article
http://www.smartmarriage.com/coleman.html
Dr. Coleman's book "Imperfect Harmony: How to Stay Married for the Sake of
Your Children and Still Be Happy."
JohnDoe
10-08-2007, 11:58 AM
Well, my husband and I have not been able to have children so I really gotta keep on my toes (18 years so far :) ) I would suppose, to hang on to my hubby?
....yet, I can totally understand what the person writing this article is trying to say, though it hurts reading it, because with those simple -to the point one liner statements of hers, and cutting ones at that, it can be hitting where it hurts I suppose, with the husbands or wives for that matter, in this predicament and probably feeling those things she mentioned they would be feeling and thinking about the exciting "other" in their lives.
I will say, that although I was excommunicated from my Church, (because my first husband of a couple of foolish and horrible, cheating, years), and I got divorced, and then a half decade later married my soul mate, who I am still with....I am glad and certain divorce of my first was the right thing to do for the both of us. Plus there were no children involved to consider, which of course I would have, if we had children.
I think circumstance are different in everyone's case, but the directness of the first few paragraphs that were posted by this person are definately ones of a woman scorned, and hurt deeply and it feels aweful to read it....maybe it hits home too much? but whatever it is, she has thought long and hard about everyone involved and has "hit it on the nose, of the bottom line" imho.
jd
hjmick
10-08-2007, 12:15 PM
"Men, before you Divorce~Food for Thought"
As if men are the only members of a relationship who seek divorce.
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 12:39 PM
"Men, before you Divorce~Food for Thought"
As if men are the only members of a relationship who seek divorce.That is not what this thread is about.
I happened to think this was a very good article as a lot of good men get the sh*tty end of the stick.
EVERYONE involved in a divorce suffers; even if both parties agree to dissolve the marriage. There is always emotional damage; most women suffer financially. Kids just suffer.
I believe marriage is worth fighting for if both adults are willing to put forth the necessary effort.
hjmick
10-08-2007, 12:46 PM
That is not what this thread is about.
Sorry, my reaction was purely visceral.
I happened to think this was a very good article as a lot of good men get the sh*tty end of the stick.
Yes they do, I can attest to this.
EVERYONE involved in a divorce suffers; even if both parties agree to dissolve the marriage. There is always emotional damage; most women suffer financially. Kids just suffer.
I believe marriage is worth fighting for if both adults are willing to put forth the necessary effort.
The key words being "both adults." But even then, there are times when staying together "for the sake of the children" is the worst thing two people can do.
gabosaurus
10-08-2007, 12:55 PM
I am one of those people who doesn't believe in divorce or re-marriage. You should make your first choice wisely. Get to know your potential husband/wife completely before you make the big decision.
My husband knew that I couldn't have children before he married me. Didn't bother him at first. Or me. But then we decided that we both wanted the challenge of being parents. When my sister became the legal guardian of an older child, we found out about all the older children who spend their lives in homes because everyone wants to adopt infants.
That immediately became our future choice -- an older child.
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 12:56 PM
The key words being "both adults." But even then, there are times when staying together "for the sake of the children" is the worst thing two people can do.
While I understand what you are saying....
What better reason can you find for staying together?
hjmick
10-08-2007, 01:02 PM
While I understand what you are saying....
What better reason can you find for staying together?
You know, you ask a great question. The answer is, quite simply, there is no better reason. Unfortunately, that reason sometimes is not enough. There are instances when the feelings are so strong that to stay together would or could do more damage to the children than divorce.
This is, of course, only my opinion. Though I have seen it in real life.
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 01:04 PM
I am one of those people who doesn't believe in divorce or re-marriage. You should make your first choice wisely. Get to know your potential husband/wife completely before you make the big decision.
If your marriage ever happens to go awry, you may change your mind. I whole-heartedly agree with your statement, what a person needs at 25 is different than what that same person needs at 35. Marriage is s-e-r-i-o-u-s.
I think people are too selfish & rigid. And sometimes one or the other, for whatever reason, just drops the ball.
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 01:09 PM
You know, you ask a great question. The answer is, quite simply, there is no better reason. Unfortunately, that reason sometimes is not enough. There are instances when the feelings are so strong that to stay together would or could do more damage to the children than divorce.Care to give me an example?
gabosaurus
10-08-2007, 01:12 PM
I firmly believe in the vows -- til death do you part.
If you lose interest in your marriage, so be it. Chunk your spouse out of the house. But you don't get a second chance.
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 01:19 PM
I firmly believe in the vows -- til death do you part.
If you lose interest in your marriage, so be it. Chunk your spouse out of the house. But you don't get a second chance.
So then, what you're saying is if you make a horrible mistake, God will not forgive?
hjmick
10-08-2007, 01:24 PM
Care to give me an example?
The only examples I have are from friends and family members. Instances where loud arguments never end, spousal abuse is involved. A refusal of one spouse to have an addiction treated. A father sexually abusing his daughters.
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 01:32 PM
The only examples I have are from friends and family members. Instances where loud arguments never end, spousal abuse is involved. A refusal of one spouse to have an addiction treated. A father sexually abusing his daughters.
I misunderstood your previous comment when you said "There are instances when the feelings are so strong that to stay together would or could do more damage to the children than divorce". I understood that to be between husband & wife.
Some marriages can be healed if both are willing. Thing is, sometimes the realization of what needed to be done comes too late.
And as you state, there are circumstances that are beyond our control.
Immanuel
10-08-2007, 02:26 PM
I, for one, am not that stupid. I know who butters my bread! ;) I am not going to let her go for as long as she will have me. And then there are my children, they are all older now but not out of the house. A divorce would still hurt them.
No, I am staying put as long as my wife will put up with me.
Immie
Sitarro
10-08-2007, 02:29 PM
Never been married and don't have any kids....... I guess this thread isn't for me.
Abbey Marie
10-08-2007, 02:31 PM
Never been married and don't have any kids....... I guess this thread isn't for me.
I'm sure you could contribute due to experiences with others' marriages and divorces. What about your parents, siblings, friends?
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 02:36 PM
Never been married and don't have any kids....... I guess this thread isn't for me.
Just because you haven't been married doesn't mean you don't have an opinion. ;) You may not have first hand experience but that isn't always necessary.
There must be reasons for your decision. Haven't found the right gal, haven't had the time to invest in a marriage, don't want to invest the time in a marriage, don't believe in marriage, don't trust.....
mrg666
10-08-2007, 07:13 PM
"Men, before you Divorce~Food for Thought"
As if men are the only members of a relationship who seek divorce.
what about the women that divorce ?
its a 50 / 50 thing
Immanuel
10-08-2007, 07:27 PM
what about the women that divorce ?
its a 50 / 50 thing
Yeah, but it is always the man's fault!
Didn't you read that in the rule book? You had to of read it. It is rule number(s) 1, 2, 7, 10, 11, 12, 15, 17 and 32 and most of the other rules refer to one of these rules when there is any question about the rule.
I'm sorry, maybe you didn't get a copy of the rulebook?
Immie
JohnDoe
10-08-2007, 07:35 PM
So then, what you're saying is if you make a horrible mistake, God will not forgive?
absolutely not!
there is only 1 unforgivable sin that i know of which is to sin against the Holy Spirit, to Blaspheme God-manifested in the holy spirit.... all others ARE forgiveable, from my understanding...
jd
Cheyenne
10-08-2007, 08:41 PM
absolutely not!
there is only 1 unforgivable sin that i know of which is to sin against the Holy Spirit, to Blaspheme God-manifested in the holy spirit.... all others ARE forgiveable, from my understanding...
jdI know that.
But I wanted to hear from Gab. She said there was "no second chance."
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 11:17 AM
Yeah, but it is always the man's fault!
Didn't you read that in the rule book? You had to of read it. It is rule number(s) 1, 2, 7, 10, 11, 12, 15, 17 and 32 and most of the other rules refer to one of these rules when there is any question about the rule.
I'm sorry, maybe you didn't get a copy of the rulebook?
ImmieIs this your attempt at humor or do you just have a r-e-a-l-l-y BIG chip on your shoulder?
darin
10-09-2007, 11:30 AM
, what a person needs at 25 is different than what that same person needs at 35.
From my life - I'd change that statement a bit...what a woman needs at 18 and a man at 23 are much different than what they need at 29 and 34, respectively.
:D
My first wife was 18 by about a month, when we got married.
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 11:39 AM
From my life - I'd change that statement a bit...what a woman needs at 18 and a man at 23 are much different than what they need at 29 and 34, respectively.
And that is what the marriage vow is all about.
That through all those changes, I'll be in your corner, at all times, forever.
Immanuel
10-09-2007, 11:54 AM
Is this your attempt at humor or do you just have a r-e-a-l-l-y BIG chip on your shoulder?
No, I was trying to be funny. Sorry, if you didn't find it humorous.
No, Chip on my shoulder until some women's libber starts blaming me for every wrong ever committed by men.
Really, I was kidding.
Immie
darin
10-09-2007, 12:02 PM
And that is what the marriage vow is all about.
That through all those changes, I'll be in your corner, at all times, forever.
It's very refreshing to see somebody highlight more vows than "forsaking all others." Frankly, I've seen far too many folk Stop cherishing and loving and honoring, then freak the hell out when their spouse stops 'forsaking all others'.
Around me today I see more women failing to love, honor, and cherish than I do men. I can count three marriages which I feel are in trouble. In every case the woman has stopped taking care of their husbands emotional and intimate needs (not sex, but real good heart-feelings). In those cases, the wife is brazen and speaks to her husband with a very harsh tone. She has absolutely stopped 'wifing' - if you'll indulge my new word. Of course, in these cases the husband has stopped husbanding, too. The husband refuses his calling to be the husband and leader of the household. He cowers a bit to every whim of the wife - in reality forcing HER to take on some of the roles a Husband should do.
When we're around them, the wife will actually insult the husband - make him look like a buffoon (we see this on MOST sitcoms and commercials nowadays; you probably know what I mean. The father/husband is played as incompetent and an idiot wasting away for the wife to swoop in and save the day. Have you seen "cheaper by the dozen"? As an example, in that film, the wife has to go on a book tour for a couple weeks. The day she leaves the house-hold falls into ruin. Kids rappel down the side of the house. Dinner explodes everywhere, all the while the overwhelmed Dad cries out for his wife, because "he can't do it." That's bullshit, IMO. When my wife is ill or otherwise not around, my kids don't lose their mind because they are disciplined. My house doesn't fall into a pit because I'm marginally capable of working AND keeping the dishes from piling up too far. I think MOST men/husband are...but I digress...).
When people get back to the very essence of their vows and remind themselves of the seriousness of a solemn promise, all society will be better-off.
Sitarro
10-09-2007, 12:39 PM
I'm sure you could contribute due to experiences with others' marriages and divorces. What about your parents, siblings, friends?
Interesting queston. My parents were married for 57 years before ny father's death 4 years ago. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks and came close to dying numerous times. My mother left his side only once for a few hours when he and my sister insisted she come home to take a shower and rest a bit. He hung in there for their 57th anniversary and was exremely happy that day throwing my mother kisses and telling her how much he loved her. The next morning, before he was taken to dialysis, he told her he loved her and then died while laying there getting the procedure he hated more than anything.
My mother is as devoted to him as she has always been and rereads the letters he sent her everyday while he was stationed in Okinawa and Japan.....it was thirty five years ago but she says it makes her feel that he might be coming home someday.
Their relationship was what many today would be called "old school", when he was home from work she waited on him constantly, not because she had to; but because that is what she wanted to do. From the outside, a viewer would have thought that my father ran everything but it wad just the opposite. It was my mother's house and she made the decisions, my father provided the funding and an ear to bounce off her ideas. I remember a time that she decided she hated the idea of a useless formal living room in our house and suggested to my dad that they tear down the wall between it and the den........ my dad went ballistic and said no way. Being a corporate pilot after retiring from the Air Force, he would sometimes go for a few days on trips to The Kentucky Derby or the Indianapolis 500 or whatever. He was on one of those trips when she got a contractor to come in and demolish the wall and finishing before he returned. Months later he was sitting in "his" recliner and said......"this room is so much better, we should have done this years ago"..... she just smiled and agreed.
They went through some tough times over the years but I never felt like they would have ever considered breaking up our family of 8, it just wasn't an option.
My younger sister has been married to a boat captain for 30 years with 3 kids. My older brother has been married for 32 years and also has 3 kids. My youngest brother has been married 20 years and has 3 girls. My oldest brother has been married and divorced twice...... first was he, being the idiot and cheating on a wonderful lady, the second was his awful wife cheating and leaving him for a multi-millionaire(karma?). My other brother is a lot like me except that he mistakenly married a real dimwit for a couple of months and then she had it annulled. Me, I was with a woman for 6 years and felt married but she didn't feel the same way. She was already divorced and we had been friends throughout her first marriage, she pressured me for the piece of paper but I didn't trust that she wouldn't make me a divorcee eventually so I stalled for years. We moved to Colorado and 2 months later she was screwing around on me with a guy at work. That was 20 years ago and we have remained good friends through many different relationships.
I really don't know what purpose a marriage contract serves today, divorce is too easy and accepted. It does seem the right thing to do for children but unfortunately selfishness usually wins out and another generation sees lousy relationships as the role model.
You, on the other hand... Abbey, seem to be the near perfect mate and I could only hope to be lucky enough to find someone like you before I die..... :coffee:
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 12:47 PM
It's very refreshing to see somebody highlight more vows than "forsaking all others." Frankly, I've seen far too many folk Stop cherishing and loving and honoring, then freak the hell out when their spouse stops 'forsaking all others'........... When people get back to the very essence of their vows and remind themselves of the seriousness of a solemn promise, all society will be better-off.I couldn't have said it better, myself, dmp. :)
Yes, there are other ways to "commit adultery" than the physical sense we always refer to. The ones you mentioned above. Those are deal breakers. Not that you should run to a lawyer at the first sign, but it is a BIG red flag that needs attention immediately.
As women become more man-like, men are being emasculated.
When Eve was deceived...well now women want to control, not just share in this life with a man. She manipulates so she doesn't feel so defenseless.
See, Adam failed his wife. He did nothing in the sight of danger. And men do it every day, more & more.
But there is hope. When repentant men & women take on this job of marriage, men become the warriors they were meant to be. They pursue this beauty they so desire. And the woman is free to be herself realizing what she has to offer, free to be desired.
darin
10-09-2007, 12:59 PM
I couldn't have said it better, myself, dmp. :)
Yes, there are other ways to "commit adultery" than the physical sense we always refer to. The ones you mentioned above. Those are deal breakers. Not that you should run to a lawyer at the first sign, but it is a BIG red flag that needs attention immediately.
As women become more man-like, men are being emasculated.
When Eve was deceived...well now women want to control, not just share in this life with a man. She manipulates so she doesn't feel so defenseless.
See, Adam failed his wife. He did nothing in the sight of danger. And men do it every day, more & more.
But there is hope. When repentant men & women take on this job of marriage, men become the warriors they were meant to be. They pursue this beauty they so desire. And the woman is free to be herself realizing what she has to offer, free to be desired.
http://www.d-mphotos.com/images/applause.gif
JohnDoe
10-09-2007, 01:07 PM
Interesting queston. My parents were married for 57 years before ny father's death 4 years ago. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks and came close to dying numerous times. My mother left his side only once for a few hours when he and my sister insisted she come home to take a shower and rest a bit. He hung in there for their 57th anniversary and was exremely happy that day throwing my mother kisses and telling her how much he loved her. The next morning, before he was taken to dialysis, he told her he loved her and then died while laying there getting the procedure he hated more than anything.
My mother is as devoted to him as she has always been and rereads the letters he sent her everyday while he was stationed in Okinawa and Japan.....it was thirty five years ago but she says it makes her feel that he might be coming home someday.
Their relationship was what many today would be called "old school", when he was home from work she waited on him constantly, not because she had to; but because that is what she wanted to do. From the outside, a viewer would have thought that my father ran everything but it wad just the opposite. It was my mother's house and she made the decisions, my father provided the funding and an ear to bounce off her ideas. I remember a time that she decided she hated the idea of a useless formal living room in our house and suggested to my dad that they tear down the wall between it and the den........ my dad went ballistic and said no way. Being a corporate pilot after retiring from the Air Force, he would sometimes go for a few days on trips to The Kentucky Derby or the Indianapolis 500 or whatever. He was on one of those trips when she got a contractor to come in and demolish the wall and finishing before he returned. Months later he was sitting in "his" recliner and said......"this room is so much better, we should have done this years ago"..... she just smiled and agreed.
They went through some tough times over the years but I never felt like they would have ever considered breaking up our family of 8, it just wasn't an option.
My younger sister has been married to a boat captain for 30 years with 3 kids. My older brother has been married for 32 years and also has 3 kids. My youngest brother has been married 20 years and has 3 girls. My oldest brother has been married and divorced twice...... first was he, being the idiot and cheating on a wonderful lady, the second was his awful wife cheating and leaving him for a multi-millionaire(karma?). My other brother is a lot like me except that he mistakenly married a real dimwit for a couple of months and then she had it annulled. Me, I was with a woman for 6 years and felt married but she didn't feel the same way. She was already divorced and we had been friends throughout her first marriage, she pressured me for the piece of paper but I didn't trust that she wouldn't make me a divorcee eventually so I stalled for years. We moved to Colorado and 2 months later she was screwing around on me with a guy at work. That was 20 years ago and we have remained good friends through many different relationships.
I really don't know what purpose a marriage contract serves today, divorce is too easy and accepted. It does seem the right thing to do for children but unfortunately selfishness usually wins out and another generation sees lousy relationships as the role model.
You, on the other hand... Abbey, seem to be the near perfect mate and I could only hope to be lucky enough to find someone like you before I die..... :coffee:
FABULOUS story, similar to my parents and my family.
Abbey Marie
10-09-2007, 02:16 PM
Thank you, S, though I am not worthy of the comment. :)
gabosaurus
10-09-2007, 03:33 PM
Marriage is a divine covenant blessed by God. The Bible clearly speaks out against divorce and remarriage.
Those who practice such place themselves in the same light as homosexuals, right?
darin
10-09-2007, 03:43 PM
Marriage is a divine covenant blessed by God. The Bible clearly speaks out against divorce and remarriage.
Those who practice such place themselves in the same light as homosexuals, right?
Re-marriage after divorce isn't necessarily a sin. Circumstance dictates. And yes, those who do sin by re-marrying ARE like homosexuals. Except getting re-married in sin is a forgivable sin. It's not doctrinally-sound to think those who re-married in sin, and have repented, should divorce.
However, Unrepentant homosexuals CONTINUE in their sin - separating them from God's best. :)
Nice try, daughter.
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 05:13 PM
Marriage is a divine covenant blessed by God. The Bible clearly speaks out against divorce and remarriage.
Those who practice such place themselves in the same light as homosexuals, right?
The Bible states that adultery is grounds for divorce. It does not have to be a physical adultery. Christ says that 'the church' (his people) adulterated itself against him. Since the church has not actually had a sexual relationship it must be the breaking of the covenant with him.
So therefore, when there is the breaking the 'covenant'; of promising to love, honor, cherish, forsaking all others (and this isn't the meaning dmp was referring to) but "keeping yourself only unto xxx" is, there you have 'Bible' grounds for the dissolution of the marriage.
darin
10-09-2007, 05:33 PM
So therefore, when there is the breaking the 'covenant'; of promising to love, honor, cherish, forsaking all others (and this isn't the meaning dmp was referring to) but "keeping yourself only unto xxx" is, there you have 'Bible' grounds for the dissolution of the marriage.
b-b-b-but those things are not NEARLY as 'dramatic' as 'adultry'. Nobody wants to think of themselves as a vow-breaker; id est, people want to be the victim.
"Oh - he/she 'cheated' on me!" (nevermind the fact you may not have TOUCHED them physically or emotionally for DECADES, etc...)
:(
jackass
10-09-2007, 06:11 PM
As far as I know...there is no such thing as an unforgivable sin.
mrg666
10-09-2007, 07:02 PM
Yeah, but it is always the man's fault!
Didn't you read that in the rule book? You had to of read it. It is rule number(s) 1, 2, 7, 10, 11, 12, 15, 17 and 32 and most of the other rules refer to one of these rules when there is any question about the rule.
I'm sorry, maybe you didn't get a copy of the rulebook?
Immie
the paragraphs i read was that she was allways correct inside a marriage / relationship .
i must have skipt the rest :laugh2:
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 08:13 PM
As far as I know...there is no such thing as an unforgivable sin.
Read:
Matthew 12:31, 32
Mark 3:28, 29
Luke 12:10
All other sin can be forgiven but blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 08:24 PM
b-b-b-but those things are not NEARLY as 'dramatic' as 'adultry'. Nobody wants to think of themselves as a vow-breaker; id est, people want to be the victim.
"Oh - he/she 'cheated' on me!" (nevermind the fact you may not have TOUCHED them physically or emotionally for DECADES, etc...)
:(
Sure, it makes us seem guiltless to say, "He/she cheated on me". But what about all those months-into-years the wife/husband doled out sex like a precious commodity or withheld sex altogether?
What about the betrayal of private things that are discussed at the weekly hen party or in the locker room with the guys?
What about the non support of goals, hopes, ideas, ideals, beliefs?
Stop & take a look at the marriage vow that is most commonly used.
manu1959
10-09-2007, 08:42 PM
Sure, it makes us seem guiltless to say, "He/she cheated on me". But what about all those months-into-years the wife/husband doled out sex like a precious commodity or withheld sex altogether?
What about the betrayal of private things that are discussed at the weekly hen party or in the locker room with the guys?
What about the non support of goals, hopes, ideas, ideals, beliefs?
Stop & take a look at the marriage vow that is most commonly used.
most women i know sit and bad mouth their husband every day with the girls.....
post the vow you like best
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 09:17 PM
most women i know sit and bad mouth their husband every day with the girls.....Doesn't make it right.
post the vow you like best
This is from the 1789 Book of Common Prayer. The one I use is very similar.
WILT thou have this Woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her honour and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
manu1959
10-09-2007, 09:27 PM
Doesn't make it right.
This is from the 1789 Book of Common Prayer. The one I use is very similar.
WILT thou have this Woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her honour and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
everyone seems to forget honour....
Cheyenne
10-09-2007, 09:37 PM
everyone seems to forget honour....
A bit of the VOW explanation
"To Be My Wedded Spouse"
This is recognition of the fact that you are not going to be just "living together," but that you are entering into a contract -- a covenant relationship.
"To Have And To Hold From This Day Forward"
This part of the vow speaks of companionship. Sometimes people get married and want to keep on acting like they are single. When you get married your closest companion is to be your spouse.
"For Richer Or Poorer"
Here you are vowing to love and honor each other regardless of whether you live in a million-dollar mansion or a rented apartment.
(Financial problems are a leading cause of divorce in this country -- many of the problems start before the wedding day.)
"In Sickness And In Health"
And even if you don't get really sick, you are going to get old!
"To Love And To Cherish"
In the Bible the word "love" is not spoken of as an emotion, but rather, it is an action. In the New Testament "love" means to "seek the highest good" of another person.
Men often fail to keep the vow they made to "cherish" their wife. When they were dating he always looked his best, sent flowers, cards or other tokens of affection and spoke tenderly to his beloved. Why stop this "cherishing" of your spouse just because you got married?
When the Lord made Eve He did not just make a copy of Adam who was capable of bearing children. The difference between husbands and wives involves a lot more than the reproductive system. Husbands are commanded "dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). Part of dwelling with them "with understanding" involves realizing that, generally speaking, women are more in touch with their emotions than men are. Husbands should not resent this -- they should rejoice in it!
"Till In Death We Part"
Marriage is a lifelong contract. In marriage, we are "bound by the law" to our spouse as long as they live
"With My Body I Thee Honor"
The Bible teaches that we are to honor our spouse with our bodies. The apostle Paul told the Hebrew brethren that "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled....Heb. 13:4).
In marriage God has given instructions concerning sexual intercourse. Paul wrote, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Cor. 7:3-5). According to this passage, the rights of a wife are equal to that of her husband in the marital bed. Abstaining from sexual intercourse is only permissible when it is by mutual consent and for a short period of time when they are both given unto prayer and fasting. Sex is not to be used as a bartering chip in marriage!
Jesus taught that it is possible for one to "cause" their spouse to commit adultery (Matt. 5:32).
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