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-Cp
10-15-2007, 12:27 PM
Subject: News Item from Manitoba Herald, Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.

Hagbard Celine
10-15-2007, 01:16 PM
I've been to one of those "reeducation camps." They sent me there after I was caught putting "F The President" stickers on people's cars in the parking lot of a Christian coalition summit. It was horrible. Horrible I tell you. I was forced to wear ill-fitting clothing. Collared shirts were strictly prohibited. At night they played Toby Keith songs on the PA system. The food--let's just say it wasn't fresh. I went without eating sushi for the entirety of my six-week incarceration. Absolutely nothing was made from soy protein. I almost wasted away. The report above is incomplete in its description of the reeducation camps. The lucky ones went to the NASCAR chambers. Me and my comrades were sent to...to...I can't talk about this anymore. I need some air. They tazed me man! *choking up* :salute:

Said1
10-15-2007, 04:23 PM
Subject: News Item from Manitoba Herald, Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.

I've seen this before, I forget where, though.

For those who don't know, it's da troof.

PostmodernProphet
10-15-2007, 04:24 PM
quick, let's print some maps showing them the unmonitered border crossings.....

diuretic
10-15-2007, 06:16 PM
I've seen this before, I forget where, though.

For those who don't know, it's da troof.

It ain't da troof! Who in their right mind would move to Winterpeg??? I mean, yer Birkenstocks, man, they just freeze up and snap when yer walkin' :coffee:

Said1
10-16-2007, 07:26 AM
It ain't da troof! Who in their right mind would move to Winterpeg??? I mean, yer Birkenstocks, man, they just freeze up and snap when yer walkin' :coffee:

Oh I know. Be warned hippies, not granola friendly.

Winnipeg isn't a friendly town. Provincial cap at 700K - most populous city too! :laugh2:

diuretic
10-16-2007, 07:29 AM
Oh I know. Be warned hippies, not granola friendly.

Winnipeg isn't a friendly town. Provincial cap at 700K - most populous city too! :laugh2:

One I haven't been to (yet). I do like TO (not fashionable I know).

Said1
10-16-2007, 04:31 PM
One I haven't been to (yet). I do like TO (not fashionable I know).

No. Toronto is not the center of the universe. I would make reference to that comment if I did visit. :laugh2:

diuretic
10-16-2007, 09:45 PM
Everyone accuses Torontonians of thinking their city is the centre of the universe, bit like Sydney I suppose. But while I've seen the odd accusation in the Globe and Mail I haven't noticed it while I've been there. I suppose no-one makes a fuss about it in TO. I had to chuckle once though. I was walking down Front Street East and a car pulled up, bloke called out to him to ask for directions, telling me he was from out of town (Hamilton). He thought HE was from out of town? :laugh2: The really funny thing is I was able to give him directions to where he wanted to go :D