Obamas emails

[Noir]

These are almost surreal

Basicly the guardian gets sent a handful of presidential emails every week to print, here's this weeks 3...

To: All White House Staff
Subject: Rahm

Dear All: What can I say? We all owe Rahm Emanuel so much. Whenever I needed a recalcitrant Democratic senator to be yanked up by the lapels and have his head slammed repeatedly into the stone walls of the Capitol building when nobody was looking, Rahm was there for me. When I needed to convince leftwing supporters that my presidency might actually be as inspiring as that of Jed Bartlet's in The West Wing because my chief of staff was the inspiration for the character of Josh Lyman, Rahm was there for me. And when I needed him to alienate those same leftwingers by having my chief of staff refer to them as "fucking retarded", Rahm was – yeah, OK, that wasn't so helpful. But you take my point: these last two years would have been a far more bruising experience if it hadn't been for Rahm. Unless you're talking about his victims! Anyway, please join me for a send-off in the Roosevelt Room tonight, where, in a cheekily satirical reference to his own hard-charging tactics, we'll lovingly stab him in the ribs with a boxcutter. Man, I'm getting weepy already. Warmly, Barack

To: All White House Staff
Subject: Please welcome my new interim chief of staff, Pete Rouse!
All – I realise you may be surprised to learn from news reports that Pete is closer to me than anyone, and knows everyone in the White House, when you've barely ever heard of him! That's because he's been hiding in a cupboard behind my desk in the Oval Office. As you'll also have read, he "shuns the limelight", so there won't be a welcome party. Sorry if the kegs of beer outside Joe's office misled you. They're just for Joe's personal use, I think. Barack

To: Rahm Emanuel <rahm.emanuel3 @gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Letter of resignation (attached)

Wait, I don't get it. You're exhausted from two years of backroom deal-making, strong-arm tactics, screaming matches filled with vicious verbal abuse and frenetic behind-the-scenes plotting, so you're . . . running for mayor of Chicago? Good luck. Maybe after that you could really opt for the quiet, easygoing, conflict-free life by becoming an international narcotics kingpin. OK, get outta here. Man-hugs, BHO

[PostmodernProphet]

see, I told you we should keep Noir around....sometimes he finds funny stuff!......

[Kathianne]

see, I told you we should keep Noir around....sometimes he finds funny stuff!......

I agree they are funny. I'm assuming he wrote them himself? Noir?

[Noir]

Indeedg he did,

Also, forgot the Source for the OP - http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010...sidents-emails

[Kathianne]

Indeedg he did,

Also, forgot the Source for the OP - http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010...sidents-emails

Very funny? You are saying that you did write that, right?

from you 'link':

Sorry - we haven't been able to serve the page you asked for

You may have followed a broken link, an outdated search result, or there may be an error on our site. If you typed in a URL, please make sure you have typed it in correctly. In particular, make sure that the URL you typed is all in lower case.

[Noir]

Very funny? You are saying that you did write that, right?

from you 'link':

No, I didn't write them, they were on the guardians website, two ticks and I'll get a link that works.

Edit - link should work... http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010...sidents-emails

[Kathianne]

No, I didn't write them, they were on the guardians website, two ticks and I'll get a link that works.

Edit - link should work... http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010...sidents-emails

That link should have been in first post.

[Noir]

That link should have been in first post.

I knows, my bad,

[Kathianne]

I knows, my bad,

No bad, I've forgotten a few times, usually just when I hit 'submit.'

[Noir]

This weeks emails...

To: Hillary Clinton <secretary@state.gov>
Subject: Re: UK defence cuts
I agree – totally uncool. A 10% reduction in Britain's defence budget would leave us without a valuable partner/potential scapegoat in Afghanistan. And we can't afford to make up the shortfall. So here's what you do: tell Cameron that any decisions on spending are entirely a matter for him, while doing that thing with your eyes that means there's going to be trouble if he doesn't cough up. If he doesn't take the hint, we'll issue another Europe-wide terrorist alert at the end of next week. Credible information, fully corroborated, yadda yadda yadda. Barack PS I read that British TV is showing a documentary about the Taliban kidnapping Prince Harry. When the hell did that happen? Was I on vacation? I guess it wasn't that big a story over here, but still, I like to be informed.

To: President Sebastien Pinera
<spinera@gobiernodechile.cl>
Re: Subject: congratulations!
As I said, nice work. You've earned yourself some serious political capital there, my friend. Spend it wisely. I hear you're meeting Cameron next week. He's an OK guy, pretty straightforward, although I sometimes get the feeling he's checking to see if I'm using the right fork. Just work from the outside in, and you should be fine. And don't forget to mention how much you admire the British military and the work they're doing in Afghanistan. He loves that. Warmly, Barack


To: Michelle Obama <firstlady@whitehouse.gov>
Subject: Re: why do I have to go and make this stupid campaign speech?
Because your approval ratings are at 70%, and mine are in the mid-40s. That's what you get for being so goddam popular. Knock 'em dead. B

To: Hillary Clinton <secretary@state.gov>
Subject: Re: Re: UK defence cuts
How did that thing with Prince Harry turn out, by the way? Is he OK? Actually, don't spoil it for me. I might want to watch the DVD on the plane. Barack

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010...s-barack-obama