Why Men Hate Going to Church
Why Men Hate Going to Church
By David Murrow
Reviewed by Jamie Dunlop
Why do men hate going to church? Even for this reviewer—who attends a church with no discernable gender gap (48 percent male)—the topic is pressing given the female-preponderant membership of many churches. Why Men Hate Going to Church, by David Murrow, explores the elements of American church life that discourage attendance and engagement of men.
His conclusion? Churches have shifted toward a style that is comfortable for the stereotypical woman—at the expense of the stereotypical man. And by men, Murrow is referring to masculine men: "Tough, earth-working guys . . . high achievers, alpha males, risk takers, and visionaries" as set against "the quiet, introspective gentlemen who populate the church today" (6).
Arguing from data and anecdote, Murrow describes the elements of today’s church that are unattractive to unchurched men, and then prescribes a solution.
AN ENLIGHTENING DIAGNOSIS
Murrow’s description of church elements that are foreign and uncomfortable to men is enlightening and useful. And some of the changes he calls for turn out to be quite biblical—including changes largely derided by more theologically "progressive" denominations such as the Presbyterian Church (USA) in which Murrow serves as an elder.
Murrow points to four categories of church elements that clash with the temperament of most unchurched men.
1. Church makes men feel uncomfortable because it emphasizes feminine values
Murrow states that many elements of modern churches—from music to vocabulary to the dress code—emphasize values that are more easily associated with femininity than masculinity. For example, sentimental songs that celebrate the intimacy of relationship with Jesus Christ bring a more feminine style of worship. As Murrow writes, "Think of the mental gymnastics that must take place inside a man’s subconscious mind as he sings lyrics like these. He’s trying to express his love to Jesus, a man who lives today, using words no man would dare say to another, set to music that sounds like the love songs his wife listens to in the car" (139).
A second example of overemphasis on feminine values in the church is a desire for comfort at the expense of risk. Murrow writes in chapter 4, "Velvet Coffin Christianity is the real cancer in the church today. Its key characteristic is comfort. Everyone is so nice to each other. And we choose a church based on how comfortable it makes us feel . . . Men gag on this kind of religion" (27).
Murrow’s reaction against this overemphasis is one of the high points of the book: "Today’s church is all about safety. What’s our top prayer request? ‘God, keep us safe. Keep our kids safe. Watch over us and protect us.’ God’s job is to keep our well-ordered lives flowing smoothly" (162). Churches that focus on their own comfort will cease to attract men, Murrow warns, and churches without men are prone to turn inward, away from their call to change the world.
2. Church forces men to do things that they find uncomfortable
From asking men to sing in public, to sermons that are longer than the space between television commercials, Murrow showcases elements of church life that are uncomfortable for most unchurched men.
3. Men assume that church will require them to give up masculine traits
Murrow lists a number of men’s misconceptions about what they must give up to become part of a church. They assume church will make them "dorky" and "nerdy"—the equivalent of the evangelical Christian Ned Flanders from the Simpsons cartoon.
4. Church does not present a compelling model of leadership
One assumption that underlies much of Murrow’s thinking on leadership is that "If men are to return to Christ, they need strong, godly laymen to help them in their walk . . . For too long we have asked men to follow our teaching, our methods, and our theology. Men do not follow these things. I’ll say it again: men follow men." It is difficult to argue with the premise that visionary leaders are the source of much change in this world. As a result, Murrow castigates the church for its inability to inspire men to greatness.
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Originally Posted by Nienna
