Where Is the Line Drawn with Cheating?

[Shadow]

Interesting article,thought finding out what others perspectives on these are would be too. Do you care if your spouse,GF/BF etc... participates in online flirting? Would you care if the het up with an Ex,or would their fantasizing about co workers or other friends bother you? Are these considered cheating in your opinion?



A few weeks ago, a friend told me that her married friend was seeing her ex-boyfriend, but there was "nothing physical about it". Considering her husband did not know she was seeing her ex-boyfriend, I still considered it shady. It got me wondering, outside of shacking up with someone else, what constitutes cheating? I always thought: anything you wouldn't want your significant other to catch you doing with someone else was cheating. But that's a little unforgiving. There are a lot of things that could be considered "cheating," but we may not agree on them all. What is your opinion on the following possibilities (detailed decriptions of a listed items at link):


Porn
An Online Companion
Seeing An Ex
A "Work Spouse"
Fantasizing

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/w...ating-2522771/

[chloe]

I see nothing wrong with flirting in public in front of everyone including the spouse or lover, I think when it's done privately it becomes blurry and boundaries can be crossed. I don't think it necassary to share every thought or fantasy you may have about some other person, but if you act on it that is cheating. I really don't consider porn cheating its a stimulas for alot of people, unless porn is more important or replaces being intimate with the spouse or lover, that would be a problem.

Flirting is different then having a sexual conversation designed to "get off" physically, I think if you are having a sexual flirtation and ending the result in an orgasm you have cheated. Then there is too the "emotional" cheating which is pretty common. That is when you aren't getting some kind of emotional fulfilment in the relationship and so you start confiding more and more into someone else things that you should be talking out with your partner, I think that if I feel that way it is best to end the relationship and have a clean break and sort out what was lacking or go to counseling and try to build a better emotional connection with the person I made a commitment to.

[Shadow]

I see nothing wrong with flirting in public in front of everyone including the spouse or lover, I think when it's done privately it becomes blurry and boundaries can be crossed. I don't think it necassary to share every thought or fantasy you may have about some other person, but if you act on it that is cheating. I really don't consider porn cheating its a stimulas for alot of people, unless porn is more important or replaces being intimate with the spouse or lover, that would be a problem.

Flirting is different then having a sexual conversation designed to "get off" physically, I think if you are having a sexual flirtation and ending the result in an orgasm you have cheated. Then there is too the "emotional" cheating which is pretty common. That is when you aren't getting some kind of emotional fulfilment in the relationship and so you start confiding more and more into someone else things that you should be talking out with your partner, I think that if I feel that way it is best to end the relationship and have a clean break and sort out what was lacking or go to counseling and try to build a better emotional connection with the person I made a commitment to.

So, you don't think a married person who participates in heavy sexual online flirting falls into the catagory of "emotional cheating"? I kind of disagree with that. If you have to relate to people online in a heavy laden sexual manner for attention...something is definately missing in your married life/relationship. Why else would you need this kind of validation? I will agree that I don't think looking at porn is cheating though... both men and women like the visual and it's pretty impersonal. But I do know women who do,because it makes them feel undesireable and lacking.

[chloe]

So, you don't think a married person who participates in heavy sexual online flirting falls into the catagory of "emotional cheating"? I kind of disagree with that. If you have to relate to people online in a heavy laden sexual manner for attention...something is definately missing in your married life/relationship. Why else would you need this kind of validation? I will agree that I don't think looking at porn is cheating though... both men and women like the visual and it's pretty impersonal. But I do know women who do,because it makes them feel undesireable and lacking.

I don't think I said "heavy sexual flirting" I said sexual flirting with the point of getting off is cheating. I said there is nothing wrong with flirting in public like kidding around flirting but taking flirting private causes blurry boundaries. Where did I say heavy sexual flirting is harmless and ok? Also I said emotional cheating is wrong too and should be dealt with in counseling or the person should get out of the relationship they are in and work on themselves.

[Shadow]

I don't think I said "heavy sexual flirting" I said sexual flirting with the point of getting off is cheating. I said there is nothing wrong with flirting in public like kidding around flirting but taking flirting private causes blurry boundaries. Where did I say heavy sexual flirting is harmless and ok? Also I said emotional cheating is wrong too and should be dealt with in counseling or the person should get out of the relationship they are in and work on themselves.

That's not what I meant to come across...maybe I worded that badly. Some of the stuff I have seen online (since I've been posting on message boards) goes beyond just fun cutsie flirting IMO. I was mainly clarifying the difference and then asking a question... if you thought it could be considered "emotional cheating". I wasn't assigning that opinion to you,sorry if it came across that way (I was on my way out the door to work and typed kinda fast).

[chloe]

That's not what I meant to come across...maybe I worded that badly. Some of the stuff I have seen online (since I've been posting on message boards) goes beyond just fun cutsie flirting IMO. I was mainly clarifying the difference and then asking a question... if you thought it could be considered "emotional cheating". I wasn't assigning that opinion to you,sorry if it came across that way (I was on my way out the door to work and typed kinda fast).

No worries, I am single and not in a relationship but when I was in one my boyfriend had access to my password and could read my emails or PM's anytime. I never had anything to hide because like I said I only flirt in public playfully. I think public flirting where everyone can see it and scrutinize and judge it is fine. I think private flirting is when lines get blurred. I would not participcate in private flirting if I was in a relationship.

As far as people who are in a marriage or some other commitment who flirt in public I don't see that as any different then if they look at porn online they are getting there ego stroked with public flirting and giving there affection and physical love to there mate.

If they do more then public flirting like cyber sex in private exclusive with a person who is not there mate and intending to get off then that to me is cheating.

I think what someone else said is true if you don't feel worried about what the person you made commitment to thinks and would behave exactly the same whether they were watching or not you are probably not cheating.

[ConHog]

So, you don't think a married person who participates in heavy sexual online flirting falls into the catagory of "emotional cheating"? I kind of disagree with that. If you have to relate to people online in a heavy laden sexual manner for attention...something is definately missing in your married life/relationship. Why else would you need this kind of validation? I will agree that I don't think looking at porn is cheating though... both men and women like the visual and it's pretty impersonal. But I do know women who do,because it makes them feel undesireable and lacking.

That's not always true. Nothing is lacking in my marriage. I just like to have online groupies.

[chloe]

That's not always true. Nothing is lacking in my marriage. I just like to have online groupies.

where do I sign up?

[ConHog]

where do I sign up?

I think you're the President of the club, aren't you?

[Shadow]

That's not always true. Nothing is lacking in my marriage. I just like to have online groupies.

I think we have had this convo before (can't remember for sure). Would you be jealous or upset if your wife went online and came on to the men on a message board like this (or them her)? Or would you be flattered that they found her online persona attractive/hot? What do you think makes people seek this kind of validation?

[ConHog]

I think we have had this convo before (can't remember for sure). Would you be jealous or upset if your wife went online and came on to the men on a message board like this (or them her)? Or would you be flattered that they found her online persona attractive/hot? What do you think makes people seek this kind of validation?

Like I said, most of the time my wife is right next to me. AND she absolutely has access to any of my accounts anywhere. We have complete solid trust both ways. Of course there are limits that neither person would ever think about crossing, but we don't even get near them. IMHO a little harmless filrting online , as long as it remains harmless, is healthy as it keeps a partner from wondering. Now I'm quite sure if I ever called my wife Chloe in the heat of the moment, she'd kill me, but my wife knows that it isn't like that. And yes, my wife is in fact ogled by men, and rather enjoys the attention but only if it's innocent attention, and no i'm not jealous of that.

[SassyLady]

Interesting article,thought finding out what others perspectives on these are would be too. Do you care if your spouse,GF/BF etc... participates in online flirting? Would you care if the het up with an Ex,or would their fantasizing about co workers or other friends bother you? Are these considered cheating in your opinion?



A few weeks ago, a friend told me that her married friend was seeing her ex-boyfriend, but there was "nothing physical about it". Considering her husband did not know she was seeing her ex-boyfriend, I still considered it shady. It got me wondering, outside of shacking up with someone else, what constitutes cheating? I always thought: anything you wouldn't want your significant other to catch you doing with someone else was cheating. But that's a little unforgiving. There are a lot of things that could be considered "cheating," but we may not agree on them all. What is your opinion on the following possibilities (detailed decriptions of a listed items at link):


Porn
An Online Companion
Seeing An Ex
A "Work Spouse"
Fantasizing

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/w...ating-2522771/

Cheating is anything that can damage your relationship.

[Shadow]

Cheating is anything that can damage your relationship.

I agree...because what you may percieve as perfectly fine in reguards to your interactions with the opposite sex. May not be "fine" with your partner.

What about personal conversations with a married co worker. Not about significant others...but pretty personal and sexual in nature? Does this cross the line?

[revelarts]

Cheating is anything that can damage your relationship.

Me not washing my plate the other day was "damaging to the relationship". Now it's Cheating too? Man I'm Toast.