Where Is the Line Drawn with Cheating?

[ConHog]

And humble.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that part........


Did I mention that I graduated from Harvard in just 3 days? I edited the law review those 3 days to, in between photo shoots for GQ.

[Trigg]

if a spouse is talking to someone, flirting, or watching porn and they would be embarrassed if their spouse knew about it, or if they knew their spouse wouldn't like it than it shouldn't be happening.

Anything done behind a spouses back can lead into dangerous territory.

[-Cp]

I think every married couple "cheats" on each other..... cause to me, cheating is the breaking of ANY of the vows they make to each other...

Additionally, Christ tells us: "If you look at another woman with lust, you have already committed adultery in your heart" and who hasn't done that?

[ConHog]

I think every married couple "cheats" on each other..... cause to me, cheating is the breaking of ANY of the vows they make to each other...

Additionally, Christ tells us: "If you look at another woman with lust, you have already committed adultery in your heart" and who hasn't done that?

One can commit adultery without cheating. People swing all the time. It's not cheating when the other person knows and approves of the behavior.

[Shadow]

I don't think I said "heavy sexual flirting" I said sexual flirting with the point of getting off is cheating. I said there is nothing wrong with flirting in public like kidding around flirting but taking flirting private causes blurry boundaries. Where did I say heavy sexual flirting is harmless and ok? Also I said emotional cheating is wrong too and should be dealt with in counseling or the person should get out of the relationship they are in and work on themselves.

That's not what I meant to come across...maybe I worded that badly. Some of the stuff I have seen online (since I've been posting on message boards) goes beyond just fun cutsie flirting IMO. I was mainly clarifying the difference and then asking a question... if you thought it could be considered "emotional cheating". I wasn't assigning that opinion to you,sorry if it came across that way (I was on my way out the door to work and typed kinda fast).

[Shadow]

That's not always true. Nothing is lacking in my marriage. I just like to have online groupies.

I think we have had this convo before (can't remember for sure). Would you be jealous or upset if your wife went online and came on to the men on a message board like this (or them her)? Or would you be flattered that they found her online persona attractive/hot? What do you think makes people seek this kind of validation?

[chloe]

That's not what I meant to come across...maybe I worded that badly. Some of the stuff I have seen online (since I've been posting on message boards) goes beyond just fun cutsie flirting IMO. I was mainly clarifying the difference and then asking a question... if you thought it could be considered "emotional cheating". I wasn't assigning that opinion to you,sorry if it came across that way (I was on my way out the door to work and typed kinda fast).

No worries, I am single and not in a relationship but when I was in one my boyfriend had access to my password and could read my emails or PM's anytime. I never had anything to hide because like I said I only flirt in public playfully. I think public flirting where everyone can see it and scrutinize and judge it is fine. I think private flirting is when lines get blurred. I would not participcate in private flirting if I was in a relationship.

As far as people who are in a marriage or some other commitment who flirt in public I don't see that as any different then if they look at porn online they are getting there ego stroked with public flirting and giving there affection and physical love to there mate.

If they do more then public flirting like cyber sex in private exclusive with a person who is not there mate and intending to get off then that to me is cheating.

I think what someone else said is true if you don't feel worried about what the person you made commitment to thinks and would behave exactly the same whether they were watching or not you are probably not cheating.

[Shadow]

if a spouse is talking to someone, flirting, or watching porn and they would be embarrassed if their spouse knew about it, or if they knew their spouse wouldn't like it than it shouldn't be happening.

Anything done behind a spouses back can lead into dangerous territory.

I have to agree with you. I used to be of the opinion that men and women could just be friends...and talk/discuss things (even personal things) at length and keep it on friendly terms. I found out the hard way that this is incorrect. That kind of closeness does lead to dangerous territory (like you said).

[chloe]

I have to agree with you. I used to be of the opinion that men and women could just be friends...and talk/discuss things (even personal things) at length and keep it on freindly terms. I found out the hard way that this is incorrect. That kind of closeness does lead to dangerous territory (like you said).

It can lead to it that's why boundaries have to be set and not strayed from at all. It sounds like you have had a crappy experience. It's always sad to have a friendship or closeness end, but then after a while another door opens and you reflect on the insights you gained from the previous experience and move on.

[Shadow]

It can lead to it that's why boundaries have to be set and not strayed from at all. It sounds like you have had a crappy experience. It's always sad to have a friendship or closeness end, but then after a while another door opens and you reflect on the insights you gained from the previous experience and move on.

Not crappy...just a lesson learned. See... I learned that a married person has no real stake (emotional or otherwise) in the relationship, not even as a friendship...so right there it has no real value to them. They can just shrug it off and walk away if it goes south...no harm no foul. Where as the other person can be left holding all of the baggage,with no place for it to go. That's probably the only insight I got from that experience actually.

[chloe]

Not crappy...just a lesson learned. See... I learned that a married person has no real stake (emotional or otherwise) in the relationship, not even as a friendship...so right there it has no real value to them. They can just shrug it off and walk away if it goes south...no harm no foul. Where as the other person can be left holding all of the baggage,with no place for it to go. That's probably the only insight I got from that experience actually.

Yeah that's why i said in a different thread I believe the married person who cheats is the most self centered selfish person because they are willing to decieve both a spouse they took vows to be faithful to and mislead a 3rd party into thinking the connection is more then sex.

I have never had an affair as a married person or single person, I have come close to being entangled with someone who possibly wanted to have one and once I realized that is what they were about I got away from the person. But sure, it is painful for all involved except for the cheater who is decieving everyone.

[Shadow]

Now...I wasn't talking about an affair. I was talking about a friendship that may have crossed the line (at one point),mostly because the conversations got way too intimate. And the man was married and I was not. No sex involved.

Other than an on again off again relationship with and Ex...I have really never had an affair either. But then,I know what it feels like to be cheated on (it sucks) and I wouldn't do that to someone else,so it was never really an option I would consider anyway.

[chloe]

Now...I wasn't talking about an affair. I was talking about a friendship that may have crossed the line (at one point),mostly because the conversations got way too intimate. And the man was married and I was not. No sex involved.

Other than an on again off again relationship with and Ex...I have really never had an affair either. But then,I know what it feels like to be cheated on (it sucks) and I wouldn't do that to someone else,so it was never really an option I would consider anyway.

Yeah I have been cheated on too so I wouldnt do that either. Well it sure does suck when that happens Im with ya sister, but you have ahigh standard and although it hurts to lose the friendship you kept your self-respect and ethics and someone better who is capable of real friendship will come along and you will be so blessed you will lose the hurt inside from the former friend who let you down, that is a for sure bet !!!

[Mr. P]

Worked with a guy yrs ago and we flew together a lot. He was married but screwed around on every trip. I asked him one day in sort of a sarcastic way.."you're married, right?" His response was... "Only Geographically". Sad but true, for him anyway.

[ConHog]

I think we have had this convo before (can't remember for sure). Would you be jealous or upset if your wife went online and came on to the men on a message board like this (or them her)? Or would you be flattered that they found her online persona attractive/hot? What do you think makes people seek this kind of validation?

Like I said, most of the time my wife is right next to me. AND she absolutely has access to any of my accounts anywhere. We have complete solid trust both ways. Of course there are limits that neither person would ever think about crossing, but we don't even get near them. IMHO a little harmless filrting online , as long as it remains harmless, is healthy as it keeps a partner from wondering. Now I'm quite sure if I ever called my wife Chloe in the heat of the moment, she'd kill me, but my wife knows that it isn't like that. And yes, my wife is in fact ogled by men, and rather enjoys the attention but only if it's innocent attention, and no i'm not jealous of that.