Your head exploded
Originally Posted by Thunderknuckles
Exactly. All this talk about raising girls right and there's not a guy on this board who's not thinking "man, I'd tear that up!"
Shame on us
I admitted I would.
But that don't mean I want other horn dogs thinking that bout MY daughter.
Semper Fidelis
Yeah, but some day they will. And you'll know every thought that goes through their little, tiny, hormone-inflamed brains. Cuz you've thought the same about other chickies.
I'm thinking that your daughter wouldn't get past you OR her mama wearing that shirt, CH.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Your head exploded
I have mentioned that I own lots of guns haven't I?Yeah, but some day they will. And you'll know every thought that goes through their little, tiny, hormone-inflamed brains. Cuz you've thought the same about other chickies.
Here's a funny story related to that.
When we were still in school my sister got a little letter from some guy who liked her
"Dear _______________ you are so hot, I would give my left nut to fuck you, signed Jeff "
Somehow or other it came into my mom's possession and was thus turned over to dad. Well Friday night comes around and we go to the basketball game, sometime during the game my dad went and set next to Jeff , put his arm around him and said " son, if you ever even LOOK at my daughter it will cost you BOTH of your nuts."
Sis went to prom with a different guy that year.................. LOL
Semper Fidelis
Excellent!I have mentioned that I own lots of guns haven't I?
Here's a funny story related to that.
When we were still in school my sister got a little letter from some guy who liked her
"Dear _______________ you are so hot, I would give my left nut to fuck you, signed Jeff "
Somehow or other it came into my mom's possession and was thus turned over to dad. Well Friday night comes around and we go to the basketball game, sometime during the game my dad went and set next to Jeff , put his arm around him and said " son, if you ever even LOOK at my daughter it will cost you BOTH of your nuts."
Sis went to prom with a different guy that year.................. LOL
One of the best was a comedian who told his daughter's date that he could do anything he wanted to the girl but when he brought her home, Dad was going to do to the young man everything that he did to the girl whilst out on the date.
And of course, there's the cleaning of the guns tradition:
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Semper Fidelis
Oh, we gotta get Gunny to tell what he and another dad (jarhead, I think) did to some young men coming to pick up their daughters for a double date.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Your head exploded
My luck it would be some little bisexual freak who that turned onExcellent!
One of the best was a comedian who told his daughter's date that he could do anything he wanted to the girl but when he brought her home, Dad was going to do to the young man everything that he did to the girl whilst out on the date.
And of course, there's the cleaning of the guns tradition:
PS I'll kill my daughter if she ever even considers dating a freak, bisexual or otherwise.
Semper Fidelis
Good luck with that, CH. Decreeing what she WILL NOT do seems to be the best encouragement for teenage girls to do exactly THAT.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Seasoned Citizen
This is on the net and I did give this to a kid when my daughter was 17. It scared the shit outta him!
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
UNITED STATES ARMY AVIATION
Above the Best
Why the Hell should I have to press “1” for ENGLISH?
Semper Fidelis
This is on the net and I did give this to a kid when my daughter was 17. It scared the shit outta him!
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
The best EVAH! :bow3:
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Your head exploded
Perhaps I wasn't clear. I didn't say I would forbid it, merely that I would kill her if she chose to.
Semper Fidelis
Gunny-fuscious say "Teenage girls go into outer space for a while but they eventually come back to earth."
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Your head exploded
I am raising her to know that she can be anything, and go anywhere in life , there are no limits on her just because she's a female. But that doesn't mean she better be bringing anything that dad doesn't approve of back from her trips. Including scuzzy little freaks.
Semper Fidelis
Tip: Consider teaching her about/exposing her to all kinds of people while under you and mama's protection and guidance.
Being naive and knowing nothing of the real world is a recipe for disaster.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
Your head exploded
Oh, she'll be exposed to plenty, and be taught to point and laugh at losers, but NEVER bring one home.
Senior Member
not true....I for one think it wouldn't be worth the world of pain my wife would land on me......and there's not a guy on this board who's not thinking "man, I'd tear that up!"
...full immersion.....
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