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  1. #1
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    Default Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Plato: For the greater good.


    Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.


    Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.


    Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.


    Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!


    Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.


    Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.


    Douglas Adams: Forty-two.


    Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.


    Oliver North: National Security was at stake.


    B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.


    Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.


    Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.


    Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.


    Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.


    Aristotle: To actualize its potential.


    Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.


    Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.


    Salvador Dali: The Fish.


    Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.


    Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.


    Epicurus: For fun.


    Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.


    Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.


    Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.


    Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.


    David Hume: Out of custom and habit.


    Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.


    Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?


    Ronald Reagan: I forget.


    John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.


    The Sphinx: You tell me.


    Mr. T.: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!


    Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.


    Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.


    Molly Yard: It was a hen!


    Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.


    Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.


    Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.


    The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.


    Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.


    Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.


    Othello: Jealousy.


    Dr. Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.


    Mrs. Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.


    Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.


    Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.


    Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.


    Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.


    Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.


    Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.


    Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter.)


    Hamlet: That is not the question.


    Donne: It crosseth for thee.


    Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.


    Constable: To get a better view.
    If you also agree that an animals suffering should be avoided rather than encouraged, consider what steps you can take.

  2. #2
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    those are great Noir

    more...


    Pat Buchanan
    : To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.


    Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.


    Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.


    John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.


    Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.


    George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.


    Colonel Sanders: I missed one?






    Why it Crossed the road in India


    Mystic 1:
    "Chicken ?" (3 minute pause) "Let me compose An Ode to a Chicken in my shudh Hindi... "

    Ascetic: "I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken!"

    Indian Social reformer 1:
    "I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned."

    Indian Politician 1:
    "I see the hands of Pakistan in this ..."

    Indian Social reformer 2:
    "That the chicken crossed the road clearly demonstrates the fact that the people and chicken have lost confidence in the Government. The Government should own moral responsibility and resign!"

    Indian politician 2: "I called out the army and have brought the chicken crossing incidents under control within 72 hours. The media is blowing it out of proportion."

    Mystic 2 : "The answer lies within you. Seek it. Your insecurities and anxieties prevent you understanding simple actions like a chicken crossing the road. Please sign up for my Art of Living course for Rs 5000 and everything will become clear."
    It is proper to take alarm at the first experiment on our liberties. The freeman of America did not wait till usurped power had strengthened itself by exercise, and entangled the question in precedents. James Madison
    Live as free people, yet without employing your freedom as a pretext for wickedness; but live at all times as servants of God.
    1 Peter 2:16

  3. #3
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    Noir: The chicken's crossing has absolutely nothing to do with god, whom we all know doesn't exist.

    OCA: The chicken is an example of the failure of the two-party system.

    RedStates (in absentia): The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road if Obama hadn't ruined the economy.

    Jim: Boobies!
    After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box - Author unknown

    “Unfortunately, the truth is now whatever the media say it is”
    -Abbey

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    Obama - Is there a way to tax chicken road crossing, it seems to happen a lot.

    Hillary Clinton - The chicken landed in a hostile area, and had to run for cover across the road as bullets shot over its head...

    Sarah Palin - I can see the chickens house from here y'know.

    Joe Biden - Naw listen, here's a better one; a jew, a paki and a nigger walk into a bar...

    -------

    Abbey - I don't want to discuss it any further.

    RSR -

    Gunny - Chicken-shit Noir ran across the road to get away from me, punkass kid.
    If you also agree that an animals suffering should be avoided rather than encouraged, consider what steps you can take.

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    FJ:
    Market forces could do it if left alone.

    Chole: Pretty bird.I'm glad it made it.

    CONHOG
    : Cause i hit it with my tazer, LOL.

    Revelarts: Id tell you but someone would call me a conspricary theorist, and you really don't want to know.
    It is proper to take alarm at the first experiment on our liberties. The freeman of America did not wait till usurped power had strengthened itself by exercise, and entangled the question in precedents. James Madison
    Live as free people, yet without employing your freedom as a pretext for wickedness; but live at all times as servants of God.
    1 Peter 2:16

  6. #6
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    Revelarts - No doubt its movements across the road were carefully tracked by the goverment agencies, and they will soon have sufficient information as to why the chicken, and all of its associates, have or have not crossed the road.
    If you also agree that an animals suffering should be avoided rather than encouraged, consider what steps you can take.

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    Little-Acorn: Because the chicken felt he'd be better off on that side.
    "The social contract exists so that everyone doesn’t have to squat in the dust holding a spear to protect his woman and his meat all day every day. It does not exist so that the government can take your spear, your meat, and your woman because it knows better what to do with them." - Instapundit.com

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    Facebook: to post on its wall

    Twitter: LOL OMG

    iPad: to download an app

    Windows 7: to download another patch because of a security issue

    Internet Explorer: page not found

    TurboTax: to e-file for free!

    Oracle: we can sell you a year's maintenance for that side of that road for a mere $250K! (believe me, they would)
    How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. - Ronald Reagan

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    Quote Originally Posted by KarlMarx View Post
    Facebook: to post on its wall

    Twitter: LOL OMG

    iPad: to download an app

    Windows 7: to download another patch because of a security issue

    Internet Explorer: page not found

    TurboTax: to e-file for free!

    Oracle: we can sell you a year's maintenance for that side of that road for a mere $250K! (believe me, they would)
    Google: Why did the chicken cross the road? Search me!
    How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. - Ronald Reagan

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    Dick Cheney: The chicken is obviously a terrorist sympathizer crossing the road to contribute to an Islamic hate group. I recommend we kidnap and torture the chicken.

    Barrack Obama: The chicken is only crossing the road in an advisory capacity. He and other chickens will be withdrawn by the end of the year. Unless they aren't.

    Jim: Chicks? Did someone mention chicks? Dammit chicken, show me your boobies!

    Gunny: The chicken is obviously a liberal crossing the road to avoid military service! I remember when I was in Iraq and served with brave chickens who weren't afraid to hump their gear for several miles through sniper infested territory with only a half-day rations for an entire weekend.

  11. #11
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    Geico Gecko: To save a bunch of money on car insurance!

    Rhett Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!

    QR Code:

    How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin. - Ronald Reagan

  12. #12
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    Mr. P: To show the opossum it could be done.

    Heck everyone in da south knows that!
    UNITED STATES ARMY AVIATION

    Above the Best

    Why the Hell should I have to press “1” for ENGLISH?

  13. #13
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    DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

    HOSNI MUBARAK: I tried to prevent the chicken from crossing the road but when I lost American support he did what he damned well pleased.

    ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    NANCY GRACE:
    That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    ROD BLAGOJEVICH: I am innocent of the charges that I took $20.00 to tell that chicken to cross the road!

    HUGO CHAVEZ: The chicken crossed the road to stomp out oppressive American capitalist imperialism!

    Ralph Nader:
    The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.


    BILL O'REILLY: Because he's a pinhead!

    BILL CLINTON: That depends on what the definition of chicken is.

    AL GORE: Climate Change.

    GLENN BECK: If we look at this chart, I'll show you how George Soros bought all the roads in town and closed them so the only path left was the road the chicken crossed.

    ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER 1: To Get to Da Chooper!!

    ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER 2: He'll Be Back.

    FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
    Last edited by revelarts; 07-26-2012 at 06:20 PM.
    It is proper to take alarm at the first experiment on our liberties. The freeman of America did not wait till usurped power had strengthened itself by exercise, and entangled the question in precedents. James Madison
    Live as free people, yet without employing your freedom as a pretext for wickedness; but live at all times as servants of God.
    1 Peter 2:16

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    1. To join his downtrodden friends in line on the other side waiting for obama cash from that obama stash.
    2. To proclaim to obama," yes I did it, I did it alone"!
    3. To see if the road really was dirtier on obama's side.
    4. To avoid a trip to Chick-Fil-A and enjoy a more gay life.
    5. To find its pocketbook and Hope the Change would save America.
    6. To prove he really wasnt a chicken, meow meow..--Tyr
    18 U.S. Code § 2381-Treason Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.

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    Barack Obama: If the chicken is on the other side of the road, it didn't cross it. Somebody else made that happen.
    "The social contract exists so that everyone doesn’t have to squat in the dust holding a spear to protect his woman and his meat all day every day. It does not exist so that the government can take your spear, your meat, and your woman because it knows better what to do with them." - Instapundit.com

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