Most of us either suppress anger or blast others with it. We've been educated to use the language of violence, not compassion, when we're angry. It is dangerous to think of anger as something to suppress or as something bad. Anger is one way to get at the cause of anger, which is our own unmet needs.

The first step is to recognize that the cause of anger is not what stimulated or triggered it. Anger is the response to the trigger. The cause of anger is the part of of that responds to the trigger, not the trigger itself.

Example: My dog likes to sniff around when we take a walk and prefers to poop anywhere but our property. Luckily, we live in the country, most properties are three to five acres in size. Most of us walk our dogs and accept that the dogs will poop on the perimeter of our large properties, usually not on anyone's actual lawn. A man I've never seen before jumps out of the bushes of my neighbor's property and starts to scream: "Are you going to let your dog crap there." This strange man is already angry, my dog and I haven't CAUSED his anger, but we have inadvertently triggered something in him that is now angry. Some need of his hasn't been met. He is blaming the anger he feels on my dog and me.

Now, let's shift to my response. I'm scared. This guy is very mad and I've never seen him before, and I've lived across the road from this property for five years and know the owner of the property, who also walks her dog and has never complained. I'm now scared and angry, and I respond, "who are YOU and how is it any of your business?"

I put the above illustration in because I'm interested in learning new ways to respond when I'm angry.