Working with Anger

[SassyLady]

No, it doesn't. Would you like me to drop down into just listening to how you feel? I'm completely willing to do so.

I'm feeling frustrated and amused.

[ConHog]

He would think: Here is a sentient being, a human being with flaws. He would have compassion for me, not harsh judgment like you do.

I dont believe that. Im cbristian of course but i have studied buddha because of my histpry background and he would definately frown upon u just running around claiming to be a buddhist as you just attackd. Cursed. Bullied and otherwise acted like an asshole as you please then just stood back and said oh well were not perfect.... you dont even try.......

[Wind Song]

I'm feeling frustrated and amused.

Ok, what do you need in this situation. What would help?
Something in you feels frustrated and something else feels amused. Which part do you need to hear from first?

[Wind Song]

I dont believe that. Im cbristian of course but i have studied buddha because of my histpry background and he would definately frown upon u just running around claiming to be a buddhist as you just attackd. Cursed. Bullied and otherwise acted like an asshole as you please then just stood back and said oh well were not perfect.... you dont even try.......

I'm listening. Keep going...

[SassyLady]

Ok, what do you need in this situation. What would help.

My frustration lies in seeing a very intelligent woman going around in circles because she will not take personal responsibility. So, I guess seeing that individual taking personal responsibility would be a good start.

[Wind Song]

My frustration lies in seeing a very intelligent woman going around in circles because she will not take personal responsibility. So, I guess seeing that individual taking personal responsibility would be a good start.

What are YOUR needs. If what you want is to for someone else to STOP doing something you will be continually frustrated, because your goal is coercion.

What do you need, and what do you think she needs? How can the two of you get what you need?

There is a presumption in your frustration story, that this woman is unwilling to take personal responsiblity. That is a judgment. Judgment are non-empathic responses. What behavior exactly would demonstrate what you mean by "taking personal responsiblity".

[SassyLady]

What are YOUR needs. If what you want is to for someone else to STOP doing something you will be continually frustrated, because your goal is coercion.

What do you need, and what do you think she needs? How can the two of you get what you need?

There is a presumption in your frustration story, that this woman is unwilling to take personal responsiblity. That is a judgment. Judgment are non-empathic responses. What behavior exactly would demonstrate what you mean by "taking personal responsiblity".

My need is to see progress and not regression. To feel that all the attempts made to communicate to this person the impact she is having on the community is not wasted. The goal is not coercion but awareness.

I think what both of us need is to see some type of evolution in the process, not constant de-evolution.

Yes, judgements are non-empathic responses. I don't mind being judged for being non-empathetic. My goal isn't to help this person remain stagnant.

Behavior that would demonstrate "taking personal responsibility" would be if that person were to quit turning every thread into a forum to help them feel like they were a victim.

[Wind Song]

My need is to see progress and not regression. To feel that all the attempts made to communicate to this person the impact she is having on the community is not wasted. The goal is not coercion but awareness.

I think what both of us need is to see some type of evolution in the process, not constant de-evolution.

Yes, judgements are non-empathic responses. I don't mind being judged for being non-empathetic. My goal isn't to help this person remain stagnant.

Behavior that would demonstrate "taking personal responsibility" would be if that person were to quit turning every thread into a forum to help them feel like they were a victim.

The need to see progress isn't a need. It's a demand. Whenever you make demands you are not in harmony with the goal of having both people's needs met.

OK. Now I'm just going to drop all the NVC practice and tell you that I hear you that you don't like the impact I'm having on this forum community and that you'd like me to change my behavior.

I'm willing to do that.

One thing I see that I shouldn't do is talk about myself, or my interests. What I plan to do is listen more and post less. I'm going to stop telling stories about my life.

I will no longer discuss domestic violence, sexual assault, guns, Buddhism, lesbians, marriage equality, or retributive/restorative justice.

If I have a view I will keep it to myself.

[ConHog]

What are YOUR needs. If what you want is to for someone else to STOP doing something you will be continually frustrated, because your goal is coercion.

What do you need, and what do you think she needs? How can the two of you get what you need?

There is a presumption in your frustration story, that this woman is unwilling to take personal responsiblity. That is a judgment. Judgment are non-empathic responses. What behavior exactly would demonstrate what you mean by "taking personal responsiblity".

Ohbfor the love of god...

Stop with the pyscho babble. In plain fucking english why cant you nake the tiniest goddamned effort to get along with anyone on any fucking message board?

Do we have to individually post on here daily that we are not out to get you? How about if we get together and sign a blood pact? I mean what the fuck would it fucking take to get you to jmget eiyh the fucking program.

Mo oneeants you to fucking leave yet dailyu you whine that someone wants you to leave. What are you not getting at home that we have to individually affirm that we want you here every fucking day?

Why cant you fucking do like everyone else on this fucking board fucking does and post your opinions take a few shots when neccesary, absorb the shots you fucking take in retaliation and move onto the next fucking thread without the fucking drama?


Is that ducking clear enuff for u?

[Wind Song]

Ohbfor the love of god...

Stop with the pyscho babble. In plain fucking english why cant you nake the tiniest goddamned effort to get along with anyone on any fucking message board?

Do we have to individually post on here daily that we are not out to get you? How about if we get together and sign a blood pact? I mean what the fuck would it fucking take to get you to jmget eiyh the fucking program.

Mo oneeants you to fucking leave yet dailyu you whine that someone wants you to leave. What are you not getting at home that we have to individually affirm that we want you here every fucking day?

Why cant you fucking do like everyone else on this fucking board fucking does and post your opinions take a few shots when neccesary, absorb the shots you fucking take in retaliation and move onto the next fucking thread without the fucking drama?


Is that ducking clear enuff for u?

Crystal clear. Keep going. I don't think you've gotten everything out of your system yet.

[SassyLady]

The need to see progress isn't a need. It's a demand. Whenever you make demands you are not in harmony with the goal of having both people's needs met.

OK. Now I'm just going to drop all the NVC practice and tell you that I hear you that you don't like the impact I'm having on this forum community and that you'd like me to change my behavior.

I'm willing to do that.

One thing I see that I shouldn't do is talk about myself, or my interests. What I plan to do is listen more and post less. I'm going to stop telling stories about my life.

I will no longer discuss domestic violence, sexual assault, guns, Buddhism, lesbians, marriage equality, or retributive/restorative justice.

See, by making this statement, you are making this about you again. Please discuss these things. It's not that no one here wants to hear about these topics. I personally have found them interesting. What I don't find interesting is when someone disagrees with your stance that you devolve into "poor me". It's hard for one to try and debate a subject with you when it is so interspersed with the reactive posts. Then the thread becomes about you instead of the topic.

Sky, thanks for practicing NVC with me. It felt much better than the "fuck yous" you've been throwing my way today. You asked me what I needed and if expressing what I needed seemed like a demand to you I have no idea how to express my needs.

[Wind Song]

See, by making this statement, you are making this about you again. Please discuss these things. It's not that no one here wants to hear about these topics. I personally have found them interesting. What I don't find interesting is when someone disagrees with your stance that you devolve into "poor me". It's hard for one to try and debate a subject with you when it is so interspersed with the reactive posts. Then the thread becomes about you instead of the topic.

Sky, thanks for practicing NVC with me. It felt much better than the "fuck yous" you've been throwing my way today. You asked me what I needed and if expressing what I needed seemed like a demand to you I have no idea how to express my needs.

Most of us have no idea how to express our needs without making them sound like demands. I haven't mastered that skill either. I will try to not disagree with anyone else's posts.

I will post less, and listen more. I need to read posts more slowly anyway.

Why is making this statement in answer to your post making it about me again. Please tell me. I'm obviously not getting it how I do this over and over again.

I will see if I can tone down my sarcasm a few notches.

I appreciate your posts. I feel more trusting of you than any other poster here.

[SassyLady]

Most of us have no idea how to express our needs without making them sound like demands. I haven't mastered that skill either. I will try to not disagree with anyone else's posts.

I will post less, and listen more. I need to read posts more slowly anyway.

Why is making this statement in answer to your post making it about me again. Please tell me. I'm obviously not getting it how I do this over and over again.

I will see if I can tone down my sarcasm a few notches.

I appreciate your posts. I feel more trusting of you than any other poster here.

Thanks for your trust. Try making a few posts without using the word "I".

[fj1200]

First of all, it's not about "controlling" someone else's need. It's about meeting the other person empathically, and NOT seeing him as an enemy, but a human being with needs.

"I'm sorry my dog crapped..."

So in essence it comes down to the crap....

OK, let's see if I can figure out the needs you're trying to meet by lashing out at me with insults. Offering a diagnosis of someone is a way to disconnect with feelings and needs.

I'm going to try empathic communication with you. I will have to guess what you feel and what your needs are.

I'm guessing you're annoyed and frustrated by my posts. There may be something you think is unfair to you about my position. You may need to feel respected by me.

You don't like it when I tell stories from my own life experience. I will stop doing that. No more stories from my life.

He's annoyed and frustrated by your drama. There's no guessing at his needs.

[Wind Song]

Thanks for your trust. Try making a few posts without using the word "I".

OK