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  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by tailfins View Post
    If you called me an "ugly man", I would bust out laughing. I would then inform you that in spite of being an ugly man, you still don't meet my low standards. "Ugly man"? That sounds like something Steve Urkel would say.

    When I saw the title of your post, it sounded like dealing with a short-tempered co-worker.

    I called him an ugly man because of the way he was acting. What I needed to do in the situation was find out what it was I needed and he needed. Calling him ugly didn't help anything.

  2. #17
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    I once worked with Anger. He was an immigrant from Fucking, Austria - see map below

    http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&sour...A9HR8QaJv5yNDA

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    Most of us either suppress anger or blast others with it. We've been educated to use the language of violence, not compassion, when we're angry. It is dangerous to think of anger as something to suppress or as something bad. Anger is one way to get at the cause of anger, which is our own unmet needs.

    The first step is to recognize that the cause of anger is not what stimulated or triggered it. Anger is the response to the trigger. The cause of anger is the part of of that responds to the trigger, not the trigger itself.

    Example: My dog likes to sniff around when we take a walk and prefers to poop anywhere but our property. Luckily, we live in the country, most properties are three to five acres in size. Most of us walk our dogs and accept that the dogs will poop on the perimeter of our large properties, usually not on anyone's actual lawn. A man I've never seen before jumps out of the bushes of my neighbor's property and starts to scream: "Are you going to let your dog crap there." This strange man is already angry, my dog and I haven't CAUSED his anger, but we have inadvertently triggered something in him that is now angry. Some need of his hasn't been met. He is blaming the anger he feels on my dog and me.

    Now, let's shift to my response. I'm scared. This guy is very mad and I've never seen him before, and I've lived across the road from this property for five years and know the owner of the property, who also walks her dog and has never complained. I'm now scared and angry, and I respond, "who are YOU and how is it any of your business?"

    I put the above illustration in because I'm interested in learning new ways to respond when I'm angry.
    WELL FUCK YOU!!!!!..... okay, I'll stop being a smartass now.

    I actually have this problem with one of the players in my D&D group. Most of the time, Marc is a ton of fun to hand with and game with, but when he loses his temper, it's thermal, and he isn't hard to provoke. He has series anger management issues, and me and him actually came to laying hands at one point, when he was screaming at me, and my girlfriend tried to step between us. Well, Marc grabbed her and shoves her out of the way.... and that's when I got my Irish up. A moment later, Marc's bent over the table, and I've got him in an arm lock behind his back and informing him that if he ever lays hands on someone, I'll break his fucking arm.

    In this case, we had two different forms of anger: Marc's explosive anger, versus my directed anger. The biggest issue I've seen with anger is the tendency that people have to be angry at things that are unrelated to what they're actually angry at.

    The worst thing you can do is to try and decide what it is they're angry at, because really, it doesn't matter. It matters what you are angry at, and how you handle that anger. Staying focused is probably the best you can do, really. Stay on point, and don't try to steer the incident, simply be clear on your end of things.
    "Government screws up everything. If government says black, you can bet it's white. If government says sit still for your safety, you'd better run for your life!"
    --Wayne Allyn Root
    www.rootforamerica.com
    www.FairTax.org

  4. #19
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    Dragon--

    What you did wouldn't work for me. You matched violence with violence. I'm looking for alternatives to violence.

    sky

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    Dragon--

    What you did wouldn't work for me. You matched violence with violence. I'm looking for alternatives to violence.

    sky
    Um, the guy wasn't violent in your scenario. Getting angry, as I said if you hadn't skipped the point, isn't the problem, and the root of his anger is not your problem. This isn't a shrink's office, you are not his counselor, or even his bartender. The worst mistake anyone makes in dealing with angry people is trying to calm them, because 9 out of 10 says he's going to realize what you're doing, and get angrier. That's why the first bit of training in Customer Service is pretty much to never tell someone to "Calm Down". It never works.

    With Marc, I only stayed angry at him, and only as long as his irrational anger persisted. After that it was done. I took a walk, hit the 7-11, and bought my girlfriend a 5 lb. bag of black jelly bellies to make her feel better. Marc, once I calm enough, received an email stating the requirements for him to return to the table.
    "Government screws up everything. If government says black, you can bet it's white. If government says sit still for your safety, you'd better run for your life!"
    --Wayne Allyn Root
    www.rootforamerica.com
    www.FairTax.org

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by DragonStryk72 View Post
    Um, the guy wasn't violent in your scenario. Getting angry, as I said if you hadn't skipped the point, isn't the problem, and the root of his anger is not your problem. This isn't a shrink's office, you are not his counselor, or even his bartender. The worst mistake anyone makes in dealing with angry people is trying to calm them, because 9 out of 10 says he's going to realize what you're doing, and get angrier. That's why the first bit of training in Customer Service is pretty much to never tell someone to "Calm Down". It never works.

    With Marc, I only stayed angry at him, and only as long as his irrational anger persisted. After that it was done. I took a walk, hit the 7-11, and bought my girlfriend a 5 lb. bag of black jelly bellies to make her feel better. Marc, once I calm enough, received an email stating the requirements for him to return to the table.

    What wouldn't work for me is what you did, which was take a man's arm and put it behind him while threatening him.

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    What wouldn't work for me is what you did, which was take a man's arm and put it behind him while threatening him.
    LOL! His reaction was immediate, you'd love to have the man charged with assault and 'hate crime.'


    "The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill


  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    What wouldn't work for me is what you did, which was take a man's arm and put it behind him while threatening him.
    Ah good, you still skipped the point. Get back to me when you read the whole thing, and not just the part you don't like.
    "Government screws up everything. If government says black, you can bet it's white. If government says sit still for your safety, you'd better run for your life!"
    --Wayne Allyn Root
    www.rootforamerica.com
    www.FairTax.org

  9. #24
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    Would this be a 'hate crime?'

    http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/24/an...bury-the-lede/

    MOBILE, Alabama — Mobile police need your help to catch a mob that beat Matthew Owens so badly that he’s in critical condition.



    According to police, Owens fussed at some kids playing basketball in the middle of Delmar Drive about 8:30 Saturday night. They say the kids left and a group of adults returned, armed with everything but the kitchen sink.


    Police tell News 5 the suspects used chairs, pipes and paint cans to beat Owens.



    Owens’ sister, Ashley Parker, saw the attack. “It was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed.” Parker says 20 people, all African American, attacked her brother on the front porch of his home, using “brass buckles, paint cans and anything they could get their hands on.”


    Police will only say “multiple people” are involved.
    What Parker says happened next could make the fallout from the brutal beating even worse. As the attackers walked away, leaving Owen bleeding on the ground, Parker says one of them said “Now that’s justice for Trayvon.” Trayvon Martin is the unarmed teenager police say was shot and killed February 26 by neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman in Samford, Florida.

    ...


    "The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill


  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathianne View Post
    LOL! His reaction was immediate, you'd love to have the man charged with assault and 'hate crime.'
    Are you asking me or telling me what I'd love? I said it doesn't work for me to use violence against violence.

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    Are you asking me or telling me what I'd love? I said it doesn't work for me to use violence against violence.
    So, his hitting you wasn't a 'hate crime'?


    "The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill


  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathianne View Post
    So, his hitting you wasn't a 'hate crime'?

    What are you talking about?

  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    What are you talking about?
    Sorry, carry over from another board, where the lesbian was claiming a hate crime. My mistake, shouldn't go from one board to another.


    "The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill


  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathianne View Post
    Sorry, carry over from another board, where the lesbian was claiming a hate crime. My mistake, shouldn't go from one board to another.
    That's right.

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Song View Post
    That's right.
    Yes, correct. Doesn't change the fact that you were saying the guy should have been charged with a hate crime.


    "The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill


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