Un PC Jokes

[Wind Song]

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah Witness with a Buddhist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

[Wind Song]

Breathe in. Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Forget this and attaining Enlightenment
will be the least of your problems.

[jimnyc]

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses."

[Kathianne]

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses."

Little Johnny is always un-pc.

[jimnyc]

Little Johnny is always un-pc.

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!"

Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

[Wind Song]

Two monks were sitting in a cave. One was silent. The other one said, ‘I could have done that’.

[Wind Song]

Why did the Buddhist coroner get the sack?

Because he’d always record the cause of death as ‘birth’.

[Wind Song]

Peace of mind

The day after completing a 9 day Vipassana retreat, Dave turns up for work at the Zoo. Seeing how chilled out Dave is, the head keeper puts him in charge of the tortoise enclosure. Dave slowly walks over to the cages. At lunch time, the head keeper checks on Dave only to see the cage door is wide open and all the tortoises gone! He runs up to Dave and asks, “What happened with the tortoises?”
“Well”, said Dave very slowly, “I opened the tortoise cage door and it was, like, Whoosh!”

[Wind Song]

Exchange between the Zen master and his student:
Student: What happens after death?
Master: I don’t know.
Student: How can you not know? You are a Zen master.
Master: Yes, but I’m not a dead one.

[Wind Song]

Why can’t Buddhists vacuum in corners…no attachments…:

[jimnyc]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day.

"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "with whom?"

"With you!" he said. "But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

[Wind Song]

A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn't.

[jimnyc]

ne day a nursery school teacher says to the class, "Who can use the word DEFINITELY in a sentence?

A little girl jumps up and says...
"The sky is definitely blue!"
The teacher replies, "Oh Sorry Amy, but the sky can also be gray, or orange..."

A little boy quickly says...
"Trees are definitely green!"
Teacher replies, "Oh Sorry Michael, but in the autumn the trees change colour..."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and shouts,
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants!"

[Kathianne]

ne day a nursery school teacher says to the class, "Who can use the word DEFINITELY in a sentence?

A little girl jumps up and says...
"The sky is definitely blue!"
The teacher replies, "Oh Sorry Amy, but the sky can also be gray, or orange..."

A little boy quickly says...
"Trees are definitely green!"
Teacher replies, "Oh Sorry Michael, but in the autumn the trees change colour..."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and shouts,
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants!"

I'm NOT repping that!

[jimnyc]

I'm NOT repping that!

I have a sick sense of humor. I'm tossing tame Johnny jokes out there. If I posted some of my favorite jokes, they would be reported and I would get in trouble!