Need help with son re: homework and grades

[jimnyc]

My son is more interested in his electronics than anything else. He plays a lot of video games, but at least they aren't of the violence variety. Nonetheless, he is "addicted". Homework takes priority, but he rushes through everything in order to get to what he WANTS to do.

He got his progress report today for the second marking period and it's not too good. Mostly missing homework and not being organized.

He's a VERY smart kid and can do all of these things if he simply applied himself and took the time with his schoolwork/homework.

I am partly guilty too, as I allow him to get away with too many things, as I am a horrible disciplinarian and feel guilty about taking things away that he likes. Should I bar all of his electronics until his grades go up? Change up his routines? Right now, it's homework and such first when he gets home from school, and then he can have game time. But it's hard for me to tell if he is breezing through the things or not. Sometimes he says he has no homework, but how do I know if he is just saying that?

He's in 7th grade, and I want to get a handle on this before it snowballs into a bigger problem. He's not THAT bad, but bad enough to where I know he can do SO much better if he took his time and was organized. But part of me is afraid that if I take too much away from him or come down too harsh, that he'll be resentful instead of doing better in school. I don't think I have a choice at this point as his grades are more important than him being upset for a little while. Then when his grades improve we can find a middle ground of sorts.

But now I feel partly responsible for not pushing him harder and allowing him to have excess time for the things that are pulling him away from schoolwork.

[Voted4Reagan]

Contact the Teachers... have them fax over a copy every day what his homework entails and compare to what he hands you.

no video games till all is done

[tailfins]

I would make it a daily thing. It means you will need to inspect his homework. Verified homework will need to be a prerequisite for recreation on any given day. Weekend fun should stay "on hold" until Friday's homework is verified. You are not saying "no", just setting a precondition. Like the previous poster referred to, you may need a checklist from the school/teacher.

[Robert A Whit]

He may be bored Jim.

I can't say for sure, but he might be repeating stuff he should have learned before. And probably paid little attention to the last go round.

At his age, you might knuckle down and sit with him to keep him on the ball.

Kids will work harder if they can see what good it will do for them. Also, he may have a pal that gets top grades who might buddy up with him to get him on the right path.

Also, ask the school for help. Behavior is learned. And he has to unlearn bad habits. As to taking stuff away from him, given how lax you have been it may get him angry. I suggest you counsel with the school experts. Surely they will help you.

[jimnyc]

Contact the Teachers... have them fax over a copy every day what his homework entails and compare to what he hands you.

no video games till all is done

That was my initial thought, I need to know what his homework is every single day so that I can follow up with it. In the classes where he is not excelling, I would like to find out about how he can get extra help to get him caught up. Until he can show his grades have improved, he is down to extremely limited time of electronics. At the end of the 2nd marking period, we can revisit things if the grades reflect the fact that he has improved.

If I can somehow get him to actually TRY for one hour every day, really put his mind into doing the homework, and actually learning it, I would be happy. Right now it is obvious that he rushes through so much to get back to fun and games. He's a smart kid who skates through everything just enough to get by.

[jimnyc]

I would make it a daily thing. It means you will need to inspect his homework. Verified homework will need to be a prerequisite for recreation on any given day. Weekend fun should stay "on hold" until Friday's homework is verified. You are not saying "no", just setting a precondition. Like the previous poster referred to, you may need a checklist from the school/teacher.

I'm think this: right now his homework takes priority right after school and nothing else can be done until its done. He skips homework and rushes through what he does do to get to play time. I'm thinking of making 7:30 or 8pm homework time. It all gets done and all gets inspected by myself or the wifey. When satisfied it's done, it's shower time, maybe a few minutes of TV or his kindle for reading. But nothing after the homework to make him want to rush.

[Kathianne]

Don't 'blanket ban' what he likes, that removes the effectiveness. A one day 'ban' for lying? Yes, blanket ban for missing an assignment? No.

I agree with the previous two commentators after yours; Know his assignments and check his assignments, likely easy from school website. Unlike myself, you can probably figure out 7th grade math, even algebra or geometry. Check for novel readings, if not keeping up, suggest you read independently then discuss. I think you've more time than his mom? Check each teachers website for grades, missing assignments? Must be finished, with your checking before any other online stuff.

If he continues to act irresponsibly, many males at this age do; require he goes to teacher(s) for sign off on assignment notebook, for each class. Then you return for the same, each evening. You are saying that he completed all assignments they said were due. Few middle schoolers need this. Those few, most only for a few weeks, as the idea of having their teacher signing off on what they write in assignment notebook is quite not cool.

[Kathianne]

I'm think this: right now his homework takes priority right after school and nothing else can be done until its done. He skips homework and rushes through what he does do to get to play time. I'm thinking of making 7:30 or 8pm homework time. It all gets done and all gets inspected by myself or the wifey. When satisfied it's done, it's shower time, maybe a few minutes of TV or his kindle for reading. But nothing after the homework to make him want to rush.

7:30-8 is too late. The middle schooler is tired and if something challenges him, which I'm assuming you'd want, he's not fresh. The current plan is better, with a few adjustments.

[tailfins]

He may be bored Jim.

I can't say for sure, but he might be repeating stuff he should have learned before. And probably paid little attention to the last go round.

At his age, you might knuckle down and sit with him to keep him on the ball.

Kids will work harder if they can see what good it will do for them. Also, he may have a pal that gets top grades who might buddy up with him to get him on the right path.

Also, ask the school for help. Behavior is learned. And he has to unlearn bad habits. As to taking stuff away from him, given how lax you have been it may get him angry. I suggest you counsel with the school experts. Surely they will help you.

The telltale sign of that would be high test scores mixed with sloppy homework and minor behavior problems like staring out the window or goofing around during class time.

[jimnyc]

He may be bored Jim.

I can't say for sure, but he might be repeating stuff he should have learned before. And probably paid little attention to the last go round.

At his age, you might knuckle down and sit with him to keep him on the ball.

Kids will work harder if they can see what good it will do for them. Also, he may have a pal that gets top grades who might buddy up with him to get him on the right path.

Also, ask the school for help. Behavior is learned. And he has to unlearn bad habits. As to taking stuff away from him, given how lax you have been it may get him angry. I suggest you counsel with the school experts. Surely they will help you.

I want to meet with his teachers perhaps and find out about what extra help I can get him in the classes he isn't doing well in, see if maybe they can help get him up to part and acceptable grades. It's simply a matter of somehow getting him to TRY and actually apply himself, and giving his schooling a higher priority.

He doesn't have a ton of friends yet, at least not a lot he may hang out with after school. Hell, his friend Liam, all they do when they get together is play video games anyway. It's all about the digital crap these days and the kids no longer want to do much. I'm trying to get him to go after some activities, at school or outside, things that will get him out of the house and also maybe make some friends.

When I was younger, my parents issue was getting me IN the house as we were always out doing something with friends. These days we want our gets OUT so that they'll be more active.

I'm just afraid that I'm not doing enough, both in helping him excel, and helping him with better habits. He's only 12, he needs a figure that is going to not only tell him to do it, but also help him get there.

[jimnyc]

Don't 'blanket ban' what he likes, that removes the effectiveness. A one day 'ban' for lying? Yes, blanket ban for missing an assignment? No.

I agree with the previous two commentators after yours; Know his assignments and check his assignments, likely easy from school website. Unlike myself, you can probably figure out 7th grade math, even algebra or geometry. Check for novel readings, if not keeping up, suggest you read independently then discuss. I think you've more time than his mom? Check each teachers website for grades, missing assignments? Must be finished, with your checking before any other online stuff.

If he continues to act irresponsibly, many males at this age do; require he goes to teacher(s) for sign off on assignment notebook, for each class. Then you return for the same, each evening. You are saying that he completed all assignments they said were due. Few middle schoolers need this. Those few, most only for a few weeks, as the idea of having their teacher signing off on what they write in assignment notebook is quite not cool.

All good recommendations, Thanks, Kath!!

The one thing he is great at is reading. The kid reads about a book a week, and then has logs he has to fill out and what not. The wife got him into that and he sees it as fun.

For the rest, myself, the wife and teachers need to be on the same page, and make sure he is doing what is expected.

[Kathianne]

My son is more interested in his electronics than anything else. He plays a lot of video games, but at least they aren't of the violence variety. Nonetheless, he is "addicted". Homework takes priority, but he rushes through everything in order to get to what he WANTS to do.

He got his progress report today for the second marking period and it's not too good. Mostly missing homework and not being organized.

He's a VERY smart kid and can do all of these things if he simply applied himself and took the time with his schoolwork/homework.

I am partly guilty too, as I allow him to get away with too many things, as I am a horrible disciplinarian and feel guilty about taking things away that he likes. Should I bar all of his electronics until his grades go up? Change up his routines? Right now, it's homework and such first when he gets home from school, and then he can have game time. But it's hard for me to tell if he is breezing through the things or not. Sometimes he says he has no homework, but how do I know if he is just saying that?

He's in 7th grade, and I want to get a handle on this before it snowballs into a bigger problem. He's not THAT bad, but bad enough to where I know he can do SO much better if he took his time and was organized. But part of me is afraid that if I take too much away from him or come down too harsh, that he'll be resentful instead of doing better in school. I don't think I have a choice at this point as his grades are more important than him being upset for a little while. Then when his grades improve we can find a middle ground of sorts.

But now I feel partly responsible for not pushing him harder and allowing him to have excess time for the things that are pulling him away from schoolwork.

Jim, this is in addition to my previous post. If this is 'new' this year, get a handle on it, now. Precursor to high school, seriously. So many kids that were labeled 'gifted' in grades 2-4, suddenly become problematic in middle school.

Read my previous post and if he's not in some sport on non-tech clubs, encourage he do so. For non-athletic kids, cross country is great! Even if they are 'slow', they are competing against themselves, not someone else. It's the improvement that counts.

[jimnyc]

7:30-8 is too late. The middle schooler is tired and if something challenges him, which I'm assuming you'd want, he's not fresh. The current plan is better, with a few adjustments.

What adjustments is the question. Have him still do homework first, but know what it is ahead of time, and set aside time afterwards to go over it with him? Certainly makes sense. This should leave only evenings free, and we can map out a plan about game time, reading, showering and the other stuff.

The telltale sign of that would be high test scores mixed with sloppy homework and minor behavior problems like staring out the window or goofing around during class time.

He does do better on tests than his homework and organization skills show. But the overall average still brings him down. He passes by doing this, but doesn't "learn" as much as he should. And I want to instill good habits and organization in him and make him learn that "just getting by" is the wrong way to go about things.

[jimnyc]

Jim, this is in addition to my previous post. If this is 'new' this year, get a handle on it, now. Precursor to high school, seriously. So many kids that were labeled 'gifted' in grades 2-4, suddenly become problematic in middle school.

Read my previous post and if he's not in some sport on non-tech clubs, encourage he do so. For non-athletic kids, cross country is great! Even if they are 'slow', they are competing against themselves, not someone else. It's the improvement that counts.

This is the first year we are seeing the homework issues and lack of organization skills. Coincidentally, the first year he has chosen not to get involved in various activities. He's chosen the electronic world over the real world.

I'd love to get him into a computer club if they have one. He loves computers and shows initiative in that to want to learn more. Maybe a reading club too. He just doesn't like sports too much for whatever reason. He was in karate for a few years at the Y but grew tired of it. Also baseball for 3 years but no longer cares for that either.

[Robert A Whit]

That was my initial thought, I need to know what his homework is every single day so that I can follow up with it. In the classes where he is not excelling, I would like to find out about how he can get extra help to get him caught up. Until he can show his grades have improved, he is down to extremely limited time of electronics. At the end of the 2nd marking period, we can revisit things if the grades reflect the fact that he has improved.

If I can somehow get him to actually TRY for one hour every day, really put his mind into doing the homework, and actually learning it, I would be happy. Right now it is obvious that he rushes through so much to get back to fun and games. He's a smart kid who skates through everything just enough to get by.

Since he loves to fart with his computer (Who am I to talk, lol) get the Khan Academy site and have him start using it.

I thinki and hope that his problem is he is bored.