Need help with son re: homework and grades

[Robert A Whit]

Robert, this thread was cleaned up and the talk of fights moved. If you want to discuss that, please take it to that new thread.

Jim, what you just said got me to thinking of something of use to you.

Try that on your son. Think what just took place. And how you handled it. Try it with the kid.

[Robert A Whit]

Not a bad start at change today. He stayed after school for 35 minutes with his teacher for extra help with Chinese. I am having him do this as well with Math and English too, at least till he's back on track. Chinese he really needs the help with. The other 2 are both listed as 70-79 range so far, and I know he can improve. His other classes are all between 80-100.

Once he came home it was straight to his desk to hit the books. He had a math sheet, an English sheet, 16 flash cards to be made - and reading which he does later. I stayed around in case he needed help and had to check off on all of his homework to make sure it's satisfactory. Every day will be like this, with time at school, and extra time beyond his HW at home to study as well. With his efforts will come his "free time" which will have been earned. I'm hoping he'll be happy with his improvement and encouragement - and then this process will get easier.

Why does he want to learn chinese? Gosh, I need help too. LOL No, actually I once started to learn to read chinese and that did not last long.

Did you show him the Khan Academy site? I showed it to my grandson and he really likes it.

[jimnyc]

Jim, what you just said got me to thinking of something of use to you.

Try that on your son. Think what just took place. And how you handled it. Try it with the kid.

I do, I try to treat him like a gentleman all the time, like a friend. Problem is, sometimes I forget when I need to turn that off and go from being friend to being Dad. I do think the lad takes advantage of Dad being a pushover!

Why does he want to learn chinese? Gosh, I need help too. LOL No, actually I once started to learn to read chinese and that did not last long.

Did you show him the Khan Academy site? I showed it to my grandson and he really likes it.

I don't know, I would have pushed for Spanish or Italian, but for whatever reason this is what he chooses. I'll have to monitor the rest of the year and see if this is something he can grasp, or should we think about a different language next year. I believe it's too late to do anything this year. When I was in 9th grade I started in French. I hated it and was getting bad grades. I switched to Spanish and got straight A's with a B or 2 mixed in. Chinese is very difficult to understand, or so I'm told.

[Kathianne]

I do, I try to treat him like a gentleman all the time, like a friend. Problem is, sometimes I forget when I need to turn that off and go from being friend to being Dad. I do think the lad takes advantage of Dad being a pushover!



I don't know, I would have pushed for Spanish or Italian, but for whatever reason this is what he chooses. I'll have to monitor the rest of the year and see if this is something he can grasp, or should we think about a different language next year. I believe it's too late to do anything this year. When I was in 9th grade I started in French. I hated it and was getting bad grades. I switched to Spanish and got straight A's with a B or 2 mixed in. Chinese is very difficult to understand, or so I'm told.

Parents are not friends, they are parents. Funny thing, usually this is an issue with mothers and daughters. Men tend to get nearly from the get go, they can't be 'friends' with their children, until age 25 for the most part. They are the role model and the enforcer.

[jimnyc]

Parents are not friends, they are parents. Funny thing, usually this is an issue with mothers and daughters. Men tend to get nearly from the get go, they can't be 'friends' with their children, until age 25 for the most part. They are the role model and the enforcer.

Yeah, I admit I'm a wuss about things. Now don't get me wrong, he likes karate, and wrestling, and hammering the heavy bag I have. I try my best to teach him the "manly" things and what is right and wrong... But discipline and direction, I know, are very important. And I need to get over my guilt and feelings and just do what I know is best for him. That's what sucks, ya take the easy way out on them and give them leniency, and sometimes that's actually hurting. I'm learning though.

[Kathianne]

Yeah, I admit I'm a wuss about things. Now don't get me wrong, he likes karate, and wrestling, and hammering the heavy bag I have. I try my best to teach him the "manly" things and what is right and wrong... But discipline and direction, I know, are very important. And I need to get over my guilt and feelings and just do what I know is best for him. That's what sucks, ya take the easy way out on them and give them leniency, and sometimes that's actually hurting. I'm learning though.

I think this is much more common with onlies. Too with a stay at home dad for the most part. Remember why you stayed at home, gird the loins. LOL! You are his role model. He's looking to you and your time to 'grow' is short now. He's going to eclipse.

Not being negative, just realistic.

[Kathianne]

Yeah, I admit I'm a wuss about things. Now don't get me wrong, he likes karate, and wrestling, and hammering the heavy bag I have. I try my best to teach him the "manly" things and what is right and wrong... But discipline and direction, I know, are very important. And I need to get over my guilt and feelings and just do what I know is best for him. That's what sucks, ya take the easy way out on them and give them leniency, and sometimes that's actually hurting. I'm learning though.

Wow, after addressing this one way, my teacher self. Got to say there is a second, more important note to take. While not 'friends' in the sense of his real friends, he is always going to look toward you for right and wrong, which seriously includes karate and wrestling. It also includes how you act towards his mom and women in general.

In that past week or so, you've shared your feelings, vulnerabilities, regarding your mom. Does your son understand those feelings? It's not weakness, but an innate respect for what was given to you. That doesn't preclude her problems, but weighing the pros and cons? Help the boy gain perspective.

Moms can be too demanding or too easy, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Same with dad.

[Robert A Whit]

I don't know, I would have pushed for Spanish or Italian, but for whatever reason this is what he chooses. I'll have to monitor the rest of the year and see if this is something he can grasp, or should we think about a different language next year. I believe it's too late to do anything this year. When I was in 9th grade I started in French. I hated it and was getting bad grades. I switched to Spanish and got straight A's with a B or 2 mixed in. Chinese is very difficult to understand, or so I'm told.

Did you show him the Khan Academy site. It is free and it might help him with his homework.

My grandson loves it.

You will really need to explore the site. Maybe he will want to do it.

http://www.khanacademy.org/