Joe gets up at noon because six conservatives got up at 6am to go to work and are forced by the government to pay 40-60% of their wages in taxes so that Joe can sit on his fat ass all day and watch his big screen TV and play video games on his computer. Before Joe heads down to the union hall for his protest assignment that day, he’ll go to Starbucks to buy coffee and a Danish at 1pm. But before that, he’ll stop by the local medicinal marijuana shop to get high because a liberal legislature enacted a law that permits one to get stoned on drugs that were formerly considered illegal when republicans were in control of the legislature. At the union hall he’ll pick up his benefit check and then it’s off to the town hall meeting on union-leased buses with 400 other members who have each been issued a professionally produced T-shirt, sign, and ticket so that the local elected liberal representative will have plenty of support in the room. The conservatives that will be in attendance only heard about the meeting because the entrepreneur who owns the T-shirt company told a friend over lunch and that friend sent out an e-mail to his like- minded friends, who in turn forwarded it to their like-minded friends. That’ll never happen again after the union thugs beat up the entrepreneur and the union will make damned sure they give their business to a liberal-owned T-shirt company next time around.
All but $10.00 of his medicinal marijuana prescription is paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers staged a work slow down at a critical time in their employer’s delivery schedule and in order not to lose business, the employer gave into union demands. The employer recently moved his manufacturing overseas in order to avoid such under-handed ploys in the future and now pays his workers 10% of what it used to cost him to operate in the US. His employer had originally thought that the distribution costs of bringing his product back into the US market would more than overwhelm the extra costs of dealing with a union, but it turns out his employer was pleasantly surprised. Joe and his union brothers can’t be concerned with concepts such as global wage parity in a free trade environment thanks to their hero President Bill Clinton, who signed it into law. Joe buys a sandwich and a tallboy (beer) at the local supermarket with food stamps even though his recently extended unemployment benefits as well as his union benefits should have been declared when he applied.
Before heading out, Joe takes his afternoon shower reaching for his shampoo that costs 15 times what it used to cost to make in spite of significant technology and automation gains in the manufacturing process. Yes, the cost of shampoo actually went up because of all of the federal and state regulations that the manufacturer now has to comply with as well as the product liability insurance the manufacturer has to buy in order to keep from getting sued by purchasers of shampoo. You see, without significant tort reform, these consumers run to liberal trial attorneys complaining that the shampoo causes them to cry and the settlements for such cases in recent years have skyrocketed. The tort reform proposed by minority conservative legislators has never made it out of committee since the trial lawyers have lobbied their liberal brethren in the legislature and congress and donated to their campaign funds as well as their off-shore bank accounts, but Joe has clean hair today. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is better than in the Class 10,000 clean room at the local aerospace company, but that’s why toilet seats cost $30,000 dollars on the space station now. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to the union hall; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees, but costs the 6 conservatives that pay taxes to support his ride 16 times what it would have cost if he had driven his own car. You see, some liberals fought for public transportation so that liberal politicians could line their pockets with millions of dollars in kickbacks from labor unions that built the subway lines as well as millions of dollars that the subway car manufacturer had to pay the liberal politicians in order to get the manufacturing and maintenance contracts. It turns out the cars need almost weekly maintenance because of the crappy design, but the maintenance facility is manned by union members so everything is good for Joe and his union brethren. Someday Joe hope he can get a cush government union job since then he’ll never have to worry about the free market again. Meanwhile, the next three generations of taxpayers will also be paying taxes to repay all of the public transportation bond issues that passed due to overwhelming union support.
Joe begins his work day by getting on the bus to the townhall meeting and draws his union benefit check and maintains his medicals benefits because the liberal legislature mandated that his employer was still responsible for these even after he and 800 others were laid off over two years ago. Although Joe tried several times, he was not able to make it look as though he got hurt on the job, since then he could have gone to a trial attorney and sued his employer. The conservatives who are still employed as engineers at the company where Joe is employed had to take cuts in pay so that the 35 union members still working at the lone remaining prototype manufacturing shop could get a contractually-mandated raise. The conservative engineers had all been saving to buy a home, but their taxes are so high now that they can barely afford to make their student loan payments and feed their families. The liberal legislature recently passed laws increasing income taxes so that out-of-work union members won’t lose their homes and are able to send their kids to private schools, even though the conservative engineers can only afford to send their kids to public school manned by crappy union teachers who sit on their asses all day and show videos.
It's 5:30 pm and Joe needs to deposit his union benefit check in the government-owned bank so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit was at one time federally insured by the FDIC, which recently ran out of money because some liberals wanted to force banks to loan money to poor people to buy houses even though these poor people couldn’t afford the houses they bought. You see, the liberals in congress funded a bunch of studies that indicated that banks were discriminating against poor people because they were too poor to buy a house. The logic was never that clear to Joe, but it made him feel good that all those poor people were able to get houses. After hundreds of thousands of these poor people didn’t make their mortgage payments, it wasn’t too surprising that these banks started going out of business and the FDIC had to take them over and pay the depositors. Now the FDIC is out of money and all the banks are owned by the government. Union members now have cushy teller jobs so everything seems to have worked out for the best.
Joe is back home and a little hoarse from his hard day at the townhall meeting where he and his union brothers shouted down numerous conservatives who were trying to ask the local liberal politician uncomfortable questions about where their tax dollars were going. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. On the farm his father employs hundreds of formerly illegal aliens that were recently given amnesty by a liberal congress. It seems that the liberal politicians were concerned that birth rates were so low and abortions were so high amongst liberals that a new batch of voters that were beholden to liberal politicians was needed. Accordingly, amnesty for illegal aliens was passed by congress even though no one actually had a chance to read the bill before it was voted on. Previously, his father was able to pay the illegal aliens almost nothing, but now they are in the process of organizing a labor union. Before, his father was able to rely on other conservative citizens to pay for the illegal aliens’ children to go to public schools and let them get their health care at the emergency room at the local hospital which recently went out of business. His father is starting to worry that he won’t be able to afford to pay them and give them health benefits and that he may have to sell the farm. There aren’t that many buyers out there right now so the liberals in congress are talking about having the government buy all the farms.
Joe is happy to see his dad who is now retired. His dad will probably be among the last to be able to live on Social Security and his union pension because the remaining workers in the country are too few to keep Social Security solvent and the tax rates would have to be so high to keep it solvent that it would probably cause a mass exodus from the country by those who actually work for a living. Thankfully his dad is healthy, because if his dad had to go to the government-run health clinic, he could easily die before a life-saving procedure could be performed on whatever was ailing him. Joe’s Aunt Katy wasn’t so fortunate and recently died when her cancer, which used to be 98% treatable before nationalized healthcare, metastasized while she was waiting for treatment.
After Joe’s visit with his dad he gets back in his car for the ride home. He turns on a radio talk show where the host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good, but it just doesn’t seem to make sense to Joe. Joe never worries about being able to retire on Social Security, or the solvency of the pension fund at the company where Joe used to work, or whether his dad will be forced to sell the farm, which is Joe’s only inheritance, or if the US is on the brink of becoming a third world country. He stops by a liquor store to buy some beer and some Zig-Zag papers so that he can smoke the rest of his medicinal marijuana on his way home. Joe shakes his head when he thinks about all those poor suckers out their working. He thinks about that bumper sticker “Live better, work union” and a smile comes across his face. He gets home and falls asleep on the floor in a stoned daze and dreams about getting up tomorrow and doing it all again.
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Day in my life in the Soviet Union or was it really the Soviet Union?
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I wonder if caskets are government approved.
Originally Posted by fj1200
-Tyr
