Originally Posted by
Kathianne
Tyr, great link! #1 is the basics of parenting I learned in Child Dev. 100, my first year of college. Authoritative parents have a few definite rules, when child's behavior breaks a rule, they discuss why (s)he was wrong and why it hurts someone or something. Punishment follows, but is explained why. BTW, discussions should last no more than 30 seconds to 2 minutes at least until the child is over 4.
Following the 10 rules would also be the underpinning for raising a competent student. The '1 chore for each year of age, with no monetary rewards,' is a great start. Obviously walking the dog or cleaning out kitty litter wouldn't hit a priority until 6-7 years of age, when the child would be able to do so.
So many parents fail to give their child an opportunity to have responsibility as part of the family, not just for their own possessions. These are the opportunities that begin the lessons in not being selfish and also in building self-esteem.
I'd probably add an 11th rule: From age 7 or 8, children should have an allowance. It shouldn't be tied to chores, though parents could add 'bonuses' for going above and beyond the normal chores, (helping to clean the garage, basement, pulling weed, etc.) If shouldn't be with held as a punishment, though if there is a financial reason for suspending or cutting, the child should be aware of why-going only into as much detail as parents feel is right.
It should be set high enough to save some, have freedom to buy something wanted within a reasonable amount of time, and give something to less fortunate. Until the 'savings' gets to say $20 or so, the child should keep a record, (like a checkbook), of amount given, amount for savings, etc.
After the savings gets to $20, open a children's savings acct., if your bank still has one. Again, go over it with the child, having him keep track of how it's growing and the value of compound interest. (BTW, most of us have or have had college funds for our children, the monies should NOT be mingled. That will not serve a good purpose for the child, who needs to see their own actions and rewards.) If the child is 'gifted' a savings bond or monetary amount from family or friends under $100, it should be treated as their allowance is-unless given only for education funds or so generous that parents want to keep control. % to savings, % for spending, % for charity.
When the parents feel the child has learned to save from their 'spending money' to buy something 'big' the child wants, (say a DVD or something along those lines), the allowance should be increased, after talking to the child about how well she has been handling her money. Then saying something like, "We've decided to give you more financial freedom and responsibilities. From now on after we buy your 'back-to-school supplies,' you will be responsible for buying anything else related such as loose-leaf paper, pencils, pens, markers, crayons, etc., you need. If you notice your notebook only has 20 pages left, you probably want to ask mom or dad to help you find sales in the next week or 2, otherwise it's going to cost you more. That's what we do." Make sure the child understands that something like a new graphing calculator should be brought to their attention, if required.
By the age of 11 or 12, most kids that have learned how to budget their allowance and learned to add to their 'income' through extra work are ready for a re-loadable debit type card. The first one the parents might give while taking the time to explain how 'very similar' it can be to a credit card. Explain they've been 'so responsible, that we think you are ready for this next step.' This is also the moment where the child is given the responsibility to finding the ads for 'buying school supplies' and 'extras' such as upgrading of clothing, earrings, dvds, itunes, etc. While mom or dad may nix the appropriateness of anything, the purchase and 'deals' is now left up for the child.
At this time too, it may be the time to take a good look at their 'savings' which may have grown to a point of looking for some better rate of return than a passbook. (Still there shouldn't be mingling of college fund and child's savings, that should not happen until they are off to college or whatever their choice is down the road.)
Too many parents that have raised 'good and responsible' kids, are shocked when their children are off on their own, at college or in real life, that they can't handle credit or don't understand financial agreements. While all high schools I know of require a 'consumer class' it's really not that easy for children who've not practiced to apply those concepts.
The cool thing about the 'purchase debit cards?' They can be as low as $25, though realistically I start at at least $50 or $100. Why? Give them enough leeway to make some 'serious' or 'frequent' purchases. If they nickle and dime, dollar and ten dollar too frequently, they will hit a deny when they try to purchase those jeans or shorts. Only takes a time or two of that happening, to make one very aware of what has been spent and what one really wants to do.