Number One Marriage Mistake

[aboutime]

You have just insulted Sociologists everywhere! (j/k, I get your point)

Abbey. YEAH! I know! I don't care either. Unless a Sociologist steps forward, and offers to pay off my mortgage, and all of our bills...
for LIFE. Then....I apologize for insults.

[Marcus Aurelius]

My wife is a home maker so the burden falls mostly on her for daily chores. It's probably an 80/20 split in our case. My 20% share however has nothing to do with things I am good at. It is comprised mostly of things involving trash or clearing an offending mass in the toilet or on the lawn

which implies there are non-offending masses in toilets... odd concept

[aboutime]

which implies there are non-offending masses in toilets... odd concept

Marcus. Just the fact such a thing being discussed is a "CONCEPT" really scares the daylights out of us.

Ya know? Like we all wish we could FLUSH Congresscritters away with such a "CONCEPT"?

[Syrenn]

If a man or a woman starts thinking of marriage it should be with somebody they see little need to change! People resist change and are usually quite comfortable just being themselves.
If ya need to change them then odds are they simply aren't the right guy or gal for you.
Simple but true, tested found to be tried and true.--Tyr

i agree, which is why i advocate living with someone before you marry them.

[Syrenn]

Syrenn. Gotta agree with you in most part. However. Something most all of us have forgotten, or ignored on this topic is...MONEY.

Hate to say it but. During our marriage over the years. The greatest, most frequent cause...in the early years after our two son's were born...more often than not...became Money...OR THE LACK OF IT.
We learned. Early on. The greatest remedy in dealing with financial problems is being Realistic, and Sharing our thoughts...WHEN THEY OCCUR.
It seems. Most of the people we have known with failed marriages...always withheld tiny problems, or quirks that their spouse had. But they always kept them PILING UP. For that one day when a simple argument over something stupid..OPENED THE FLOODGATES, AND everything withheld previously...spilled out into a major argument.
Oddly enough. Those arguments always pointed BACK at financial problems....MONEY, and either the LACK of it, or OVERSPENDING of it.
All young couples should prepare to admit...before they get married. There will be problems, and to SHARE THEM instantly.
That saves big problems later.

true, but money does not a marriage make. Money does not make you happy with your partner.... yes it can make things a lot easier in terms of comfort, but for all the money in the world you can still HATE the person you are with. I actually think couples that dont have the world on a silver platter have a stronger relationship, its the struggle that makes them and a relationship strong.

Bitching about everything that is on your mind the moment it is on your mind is not the way to go. Speaking your mind the instant you have some irritating thought can case more problems then it solves. Problems, real problems need to be discussed as quickly as possible in a way that is constructive and not judgmental.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

i agree, which is why i advocate living with someone before you marry them.

^^^^^^^ That often leads directly to not getting married, done that a few times myself!! Each time it lead to my saying, damn she is crazy as hell. Look before you leap is a fine decision. So glad I looked those times..-Tyr

[aboutime]

^^^^^^^ That often leads directly to not getting married, done that a few times myself!! Each time it lead to my saying, damn she is crazy as hell. Look before you leap is a fine decision. So glad I looked those times..-Tyr

Tyr. Before I became a married man back in the late sixties. We single guys in the Navy relied on the expression "Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?"

Obviously today. The morals are different, attitudes, responsibility, accountability and general human kindness is no longer eligible, or acceptable when talking about relationships.

So. Rather than get the scorn from those younger than me, with less experience in life who will tell me I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I'll just surrender, and feel assured about my own life, and what I have left of it. While letting everyone else learn the hard way. Free of suggestions, wisdom, common sense, and just tell everyone SUFFER.

[logroller]

50/50 is a silly goal in a marriage. We each do what we are good at (or can stand doing, as in cleaning toilets, lol), and take on more if the other is not feeling well, is stressed from work, etc.

If you are keeping score in the first place, something is wrong.

Point for abbey...

[Syrenn]

^^^^^^^ That often leads directly to not getting married, done that a few times myself!! Each time it lead to my saying, damn she is crazy as hell. Look before you leap is a fine decision. So glad I looked those times..-Tyr

so better to figure it out before you are married, dont you think?

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

so better to figure it out before you are married, dont you think?

O'yes. Saved my young ass a few times...
Third time is charm, 9 years now going strong , cruising right along!