A good joke I found.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Placed in the cage in case some think it not funny. --Tyr

"The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?" The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek." The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future."

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

ok, a few more just for the helluva it..--Tyr

I'm Gonna Jump


In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the

man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."



The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."



Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of Lord Krishna" Man replies "Who is that?"



Cop yells "Jump, Muslim! You're blocking traffic!"

Central Park
A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl's life, but the pit bull is killed in the process. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

ok a few more.. --Tyr

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Islam beauty contest?
A: Me neither.

Q: A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.
A: The bartender says hello Mr. President.

Q: Why doesn't Gaddafi go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Q: Why did the radical Muslim go to the airport and blow himself up?
A: He wanted to go everywhere.

Q. What can the Palestinians do to raise the average IQ in the West Bank?
A. Allow Jews to come in.

Last one for now but certainly not least is this one... I know the combat veterans will get a kick out of this joke.-Tyr

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

ok , a few more just for kicks..

Q: Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Hillbilly Deputy Sheriff

One day a hillbilly walks into a police station because he wants to get a job as a deputy, which he's wanted to be his whole life. So he goes over to the sheriff's desk and says to the sheriff, 'I'm here to be a deputy.'
»
The sheriff laughs and says, 'Well let's see if you're qualified, son. The sheriff asks him a question and the hillbilly gives him an answer. The sheriff says, 'Close enough.'Hillbilly Sheriff

The sheriff then asks him, 'What are two days of the week that begin with 'T'?'
'Today and tomorrow,' says the hillbilly.

'Not what I was looking for but I'll give it to ya,' says the sheriff.

'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' the sheriff asks.
The hillbilly just stands there with a blank look on his face.

'Why don't you go home, think about it and come back tomorrow,' the sheriff says to the hillbilly.
So the hillbilly goes home and his wife says to him, 'So sweetpea, did you get the job?'

'I think so, they've already put me on a murder case.'

Classic Tennessee Hillbilly Drunk Joke

George, the bartender, asks the Hillbilly, who is sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?'

Hillbilly answers, 'Ah, I'll have a scotch, please.'

George hands him the drink, and says, 'That'll be $4.60,' to which the Hillbilly splutters, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.'

Roger, a lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to George, the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.'You must have a double

George was singularly unimpressed, so he says to the Hillbilly, 'OK, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me ever catch you in here again.'

The next day, the Hillbilly again, walks into the bar. George glowers and rasps, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back! 'The Hillbilly smiles and says, 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!'

George looks at the Hillbilly closely and mutters, 'I'm sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double. 'The Hillbilly, without missing a beat says, 'Thank you, bartender. Make it a scotch.'

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Don't you still have those big red trucks?"

The Alabamian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?" she asked. "No," he replied. A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?" "No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."

An Alabamian hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The Alabamian noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said,
"They're to hold my balls while I drive."
"Boy," exclaimed the Alabamian, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?"

And my favorite...-Tyr

25 ways to annoy a Yankee
•Take your own sweet time when doing anything.
•Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
•When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses the heck out of 'em.
•Talk real slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
•When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
•Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
•Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
•Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
•Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
•Insist on being addressed by your first and middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie — John Michael — Jim Bob. — Jeb.)
•Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
•Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
•Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".
•Put Tabasco on everything.
•For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say , "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
•When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones.
•Name all of your children "Bubba".
•Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
•"Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school.
•Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something.
•Tell them you don't have an accent,they do.
•Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations. Offends the heck out of 'em.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

two rednecks were walking along when they saw a dog licking his balls, one said i wish i could do that!! the other said, you dumbass he would bite you!

So a woman walks into a bar with her goose and gets a drink, moments later after being there a drunk man walks up and asks her : "Where did you get that Pig" and She says : "I'll have you know this is a goose" and the drunk man says :" I know, I was talking to the goose!"

Go Git Yo Mama


A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.


They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, Silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."


While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,

"Boy, go git yo Momma...."

^^^^^ That one just slays me. --Tyr

The Healing Touch


An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.


The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "my treat."


The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once again nodded that it was, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "on my bill."


As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back to his legs, got up and danced a jig right out the door.


Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.


Then Jesus walked up to the Redneck.


The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me... I'm drawin' disability!"

^^ This one does as well.-Tyr

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

How do you know when you're staying in a Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if a Louisiana redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck

.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age
in Oklahoma to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

A guy from Alabama passed away and left his entire estate to his
beloved widow,
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Alabama?
Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi.
If it would've been invented anywhere else,
it would have been called a teeth brush.

A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to
the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Alabama burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
The library was a total loss, too.
Both books -- poof! -- up in flames
and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

A new law was recently passed in Mississippi:
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

--- , Humor takes no prisoners and excludes nobody. --Tyr

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Redneck Computer Terms

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear

Some of those are pretty good.. -Tyr

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

It's A Boy...


Back in the woods, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon a baby boy was brought into the world.


"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's Yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.


"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

I've known at least two that were that stupid. They both always voted dem too. --Tyr

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

In keeping with the spirit its time to break another taboo. A joke is a joke if its funny don't cry about it. I'll expect to be roundly condemned but I don't give a damn. I give no special status except to brave, courageous and honorable people , all the rest can kiss my ass. This one was funny so here it goes.

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying. When his mother ask why he replies . The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that. Mom says cause u black and they white. Next day Tyrone is crying again . What's wrong today Tyrone his mother ask. Tyrone said teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get to 10 why is that. Mom says cause u black and they white. Next day he comes home smiling. What happened today Tyrone. Tyrone says mama we went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all . Is that cause I'm black and they white. Mama says no Tyrone it's cause you are 17 and they are just 6

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Lets not leave the Chinese out...

What do you call a fat Chinese prostitute?
Chun Ki Ho

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Some more taboo jokes. You see real freedom is joking ABOUT EVERYONE . No special exemptions due to liberal idiocy ..... No special status.. --Tyr

Q: What do you call a gay drive by?
A: "a fruit roll up."

Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.

Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A Jolly Rancher!

Q. Did you know 75% of the gay population were born that way?
A. The other 25% were sucked into it.

Q: What do you call a gay Jamaican guy?
A: Pokemon

[aboutime]

Tyr. I apologize for breaking up your line of jokes here. But I couldn't resist sharing this photo I received in my email today.

Sadly. The first person I thought of was MRS. OBAMA.

So...a Joke...is a Joke.....

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Tyr. I apologize for breaking up your line of jokes here. But I couldn't resist sharing this photo I received in my email today.

Sadly. The first person I thought of was MRS. OBAMA.

So...a Joke...is a Joke.....

That picture hurt my eyes and my mind!!! --Tyr

[aboutime]

That picture hurt my eyes and my mind!!! --Tyr

THAT'S why I started off with an APOLOGY!