Blonde Jokes

[nevadamedic]

We needed one of these threads!

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room.

She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

[nevadamedic]

It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what’s the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar."

The blonde then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[nevadamedic]

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.

One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.

All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.

The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened.", and poof her wish was granted.

The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened.", and poof her wish was granted.

Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."

[nevadamedic]

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

[nevadamedic]

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?

Blonde: No, it’s working fine.

Operator: Then what’s the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

[nevadamedic]

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it.

Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.

An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?"

An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it.

Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing.

The blonde says, "My stupid computer keeps saying you’ve got mail."

[nevadamedic]

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?

A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.

[nevadamedic]

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"

"The son-of-a-bitch called back."

[nevadamedic]

Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."