Blonde Jokes

[nevadamedic]

There were three girls, a blonde, a brunette and a red head and the were at the doctors office because they had all gotten pregnant.

As they were sitting there talking, the brunette said "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top".

The red head said "Well I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom."

The blonde starded crying hysterically and the other two girls asked "What's wrong?"

The blonde said "Oh no I'm going to have puppies!"

[nevadamedic]

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

[nevadamedic]

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.

She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

[nevadamedic]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

[nevadamedic]

Q: How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?

A: Shine a flashlight in her ear

[nevadamedic]

Q: How did the blond break her leg while raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree

[Yurt]

Please stop these types of posts/threads where you cut and paste numerous jokes. A joke or two will do, but sheesh, you are over doing it. Lay off the caffeine or something...

[nevadamedic]

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

[nevadamedic]

A blonde goes over to her friends' house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.

"Why are you wearing a 'Thank God it's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?"

"Oh no!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant: 'Tits Go In Front.'"

[nevadamedic]

Q: What do a blonde and rail road tracks have in common?

A: They get laid all over the country

Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?

A: FULL

[nevadamedic]

Q: Why did God invent orgasms?

A: So blondes know when to stop screwing.

[nevadamedic]

This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a peel and win sticker on her coffee cup. So, she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van."

But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home. "

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor home, because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!"

So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads... ...WIN A BAGEL!

[nevadamedic]

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a blonde woman from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."

By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"

"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."

[nevadamedic]

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

A: If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks.

[nevadamedic]

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat these same steps for 3 weeks. The next time you come here, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded..."I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping!"