It's that time for Jerome

[jimnyc]

He has a cut on him that he got sometime last year, never fully healed. I've taken care of it of course, but although a little cut, just doesn't want to heal. In the past year, I thought he had a stroke, or seizure, but he recovered and came back home. We never knew for sure. I noticed then that he looked a little droopy on one side, which is why I immediately thought stroke.

The fat face of his grew a little fatter. I chalked it up to old age on a fat Pug. But in the past few days it seems to have swelled or gotten more puffier. I brought him into the vet this morning. They can't give him any steroids to help, as he's already on a medication for arthritis, and the injection could kill him. She gave him an injection of an antibiotic to see if that would help. She said after that, that if it didn't work within 72 hours, that it's best to let him go.

He is "brachycephalic", which is his smushed in face. This is strike #1, as those dogs always have trouble breathing. He has been diagnosed with "collapsing trachea" years back, hence the medications he is on, strike #2. She said the swelling is an edema, filling with liquid, making it harder for him to breathe. Strike #3

She said he may not show pain. That he would also come to me forever as he's dedicated, but will still have trouble breathing and it hurts, even though he may not express it. The cut not healing really concerns her. She said there's a possibility of seeing a specialist, but Jerome has suffered enough. It looked like he was going to have a heart attack today, from trouble breathing and the fear. He's had surgeries and so many other things, I can't do it to him again at his age. He's been with me here since 1999 and has been very loyal.

He's my best friend in the world. I honestly would give up a limb if I thought it would help and keep him with me forever. I want to run from this. I don't think there's any way in this world I can pick this dog up and carry him into the vet knowing he won't be coming out. I don't know what to do or think. My hands are shaking like leaves. I've prepared myself for this for a LONG time now, and it did no good at all. This is the worst thing ever and will be my worst week ever.

I just took this picture last week, noticing his face puffy, but thinking he's just an old man and saggy.

[LongTermGuy]

He has a cut on him that he got sometime last year, never fully healed. I've taken care of it of course, but although a little cut, just doesn't want to heal. In the past year, I thought he had a stroke, or seizure, but he recovered and came back home. We never knew for sure. I noticed then that he looked a little droopy on one side, which is why I immediately thought stroke.

The fat face of his grew a little fatter. I chalked it up to old age on a fat Pug. But in the past few days it seems to have swelled or gotten more puffier. I brought him into the vet this morning. They can't give him any steroids to help, as he's already on a medication for arthritis, and the injection could kill him. She gave him an injection of an antibiotic to see if that would help. She said after that, that if it didn't work within 72 hours, that it's best to let him go.

He is "brachycephalic", which is his smushed in face. This is strike #1, as those dogs always have trouble breathing. He has been diagnosed with "collapsing trachea" years back, hence the medications he is on, strike #2. She said the swelling is an edema, filling with liquid, making it harder for him to breathe. Strike #3

She said he may not show pain. That he would also come to me forever as he's dedicated, but will still have trouble breathing and it hurts, even though he may not express it. The cut not healing really concerns her. She said there's a possibility of seeing a specialist, but Jerome has suffered enough. It looked like he was going to have a heart attack today, from trouble breathing and the fear. He's had surgeries and so many other things, I can't do it to him again at his age. He's been with me here since 1999 and has been very loyal.

He's my best friend in the world. I honestly would give up a limb if I thought it would help and keep him with me forever. I want to run from this. I don't think there's any way in this world I can pick this dog up and carry him into the vet knowing he won't be coming out. I don't know what to do or think. My hands are shaking like leaves. I've prepared myself for this for a LONG time now, and it did no good at all. This is the worst thing ever and will be my worst week ever.

I just took this picture last week, noticing his face puffy, but thinking he's just an old man and saggy.

*Ah man....I'm scared for you Jim (know the feeling)....and understand....I had to do this with my beloved `SugerBear`...(Black Chow-Chow) short snoot (12 years old when he passed at the vet) some years ago.......I could not take it ...watching him suffer....It broke my heart....I was the Only one who could do what needed to be done.......SugerBear was a family member......it killed me.....and it hurt bad...

[Perianne]

I'm sorry, Jim. How we love our furry babies.

[NightTrain]

I know your pain, Jim.

Keep in mind, though, 15 years is a long time in dog years, he's had a pretty damn good run living with a great family.

In cases where the little fella is in extreme old age and having problems like that, sometimes the loving thing to do is end his suffering... doesn't make it easier on you, but for him it's better.

[WiccanLiberal]

So sorry you are going through this Jimmy. Any of us with animal companions knows we will eventually need to make this most difficult choice. I have had to do it four times so far and will have to deal with it at least five more times. Just believe he has given you all that he is for these 15 years and the one thing you can give him at the end is peace.

[jimnyc]

He's actually 16 and 3 months right now. Normal life expectancy is anywhere from 11-15 years, depending on which vet you ask and where you read. And with his surgeries, and trachea, and the seizures he has had... taking meds for like 5-7 years? Eating like a fat slob... There is no rhyme or reason as to why he has lived this long - other than the love I have given him, and him wanting to be with me and love back. I honestly can't think of another reason as to why he has beat all the odds to this point. But I think he's stubborn now. I think he wants to push on because he loves me too much, he always wants to be by my side, under my desk, under my feet somewhere. He's tired and weary, and he knows it an shows it, but he won't say it or express it. He's waiting for me to tell him he no longer has to stay with his salute held high. I never asked for this salute, a lick or a tail wag would have been enough, but this dog think I'm his master and has shown the loyalty and respect of a soldier. And now he'll get the respect and dignity of one.

Jeff will tell you. Even when I visited him, he would jump on the couch, then on the arm of the couch, so that he could rest his head on top of my head, as he has always wanted to keep me close, and to be able to know if I go anywhere. He slept in the bed with me from 8 weeks old until he was more or less too old to get on the bed anymore. Then he had a "throne" built in front of a 3 step doggie steps, with a huge bed on top of it, so he could sit alongside me when on the computer. But often he prefers to follow me and just be by my feet mostly.

Jerome's been sleeping a lot since coming back home. She said the antibiotics could do that, and that he may drink a lot. But every time I look at him I get tears. I wonder if he knows. I want so badly to talk with him, to talk and have him understand what I am feeling, how I feel about him. I'd like to think he knows, but I'd rather know. I feel sick about this. I feel like a part of me is dying. This friend has been a HUGE part of my life here in NY and I'm going to be a little lost without him at my feet.

My buddy when he was real young, refusing to leave my side late at night at a party in my backyard.



Guarding the woman and boy



Guarding his girlfriend at the time, Mischa (no longer with us)



Chilling in the kitchen



This is the tattoo I have on my chest, so that he will always be with me. I think I got it in like 2004?

[WiccanLiberal]

Jim, trust me, he knows. He knows you love him or he wouldn't be so trusting of you. He trusts you to make the best decisions for him. Let him keep close and just give him the same love you always have. He'll let you know when it's time.

[jimnyc]

I don't know why I do this to myself. Often when I'm sad, I'll listen to sad songs and wallow in my own misery. All I've been doing is hanging out with Jerome, petting him, laying with him. When he is laying at my feet sleeping, I just watched these and, I don't know, I don't know if these tears are good or bad. Sometimes letting it out isn't such a bad thing. But this is literally nothing, yet. This first video leads me to believe, to know, that I have to be there for him, to be strong.

[Jeff]

Jim you know how I feel about animals, but I have to admit I am actually trying to hold back tears after reading this ( and not doing real good as the wife looks on I am sure wondering what the heck ) But Jim Jerome being your BF deserve's not to suffer, I say this because you know even though I say a animal is a animal I to have fallen for a couple of them, first was Winny, I couldn't bring myself to take her, I left her running in the yard and each time I came home ( or just outside ) she would come to me tail wagging ( no matter how she hurt ) I lost her one day and it broke my heart, I came out and she was laying at my truck ( in the rain ) and I just cried like a effin baby.

Then of course Bubba, I couldn't take him either and he passed actually twice, Laura brought him back the one time. but again, yup that little boy came out again.

But both of those dogs, my best friends, I let suffer, I was weak ( wow I once drove all night to Maine to kick someone's butt for saying that one time ) but seriously I let the dogs suffer Jim, I was wrong, I was selfish and it was all because I couldn't man up and do what needed to be done, yup me, the person that tries to just let sheot roll off like no big deal.

All this rambling means nothing Jim other than know we all suffer when this happens, we have all been there and God willing we will probably be there again someday, I wish there was something I could say to help you at this time, but all I know to say is I am sorry Jim, I feel the pain I know the pain and pray you didn't have to go through it, but it is part of life. Don't let your buddy suffer, you will know exactly when it is time, Laura had that cat for like 22 years, folks told her daily for the last year to put the cat down, hell she force feed it at the end, one day Laura she woke up and said it's time, she took her best friend and was at peace with it.

I'm sorry Brother.

[jimnyc]

My wife was kind enough to find these pictures she had saved and said they were her 3 favorites of him. This is when we had a huge wooden structure for our cat. Jerome apparently thought it was cool the way the kitty could hang out in the tree. Coincidentally, it wasn't long after this when Jerome got his first eye scratch for trying to play with kitty who was now sitting on my desk. But Jerome was never deterred. He was good friends with Mischa down the road, and has been nothing short of kind with Nero.

[Perianne]

That is so cute! The doggie in the cat tree!

[jimnyc]

That is so cute! The doggie in the cat tree!

He loved that tree! He definitely thought he was a cat for a bit there. He used to love walking on the back of the couch too. And even get on the table too, if you left a chair out for him to get to. And there was food on the table. He's been caught more than once, or 5 times, on the table for stealing food. Jerome is a food thief for sure. And when he couldn't steal your food, he would whine and make weird noises underneath you and generally annoy you until you gave him food to go away. But he never did.

[Perianne]

He loved that tree! He definitely thought he was a cat for a bit there. He used to love walking on the back of the couch too. And even get on the table too, if you left a chair out for him to get to. And there was food on the table. He's been caught more than once, or 5 times, on the table for stealing food. Jerome is a food thief for sure. And when he couldn't steal your food, he would whine and make weird noises underneath you and generally annoy you until you gave him food to go away. But he never did.

Those dogs can make some odd noises. We had a friend who had one. It snorted and mouth-farted all the time.

[Abbey Marie]

Jim,
This organization helped us immensely when we had to put down our cat. They have daily live chat with grief counselors: www.aplb.org It is all about pet loss. Go on the site and chat with someone, before you make the decision, or after, or both.

Also, I think your signature is true, and especially appropriate right now. It may comfort you.

I'm so sorry.

[jimnyc]

Jim,
This organization helped us immensely when we had to put down our cat. They have daily live chat with grief counselors: www.aplb.org It is all about pet loss. Go on the site and chat with someone, before you make the decision, or after, or both.

Also, I think your signature is true, and especially appropriate right now. It may comfort you.

I'm so sorry.

It's funny you say that about my sig line. I was reading Jeff and Peri's post above and started reading my line, and it got me wondering. I TRULY believe that animals are on the same path as us, and will also go to heaven. So while this will hut real bad, deep down inside hopefully we both know it's a better thing.

Thanks much for the link, looks like I have some great reading to do!!