Bill Clinton Jokes

[nevadamedic]

The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking together about how a penis is called in their language.

The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.

The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.

The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.

Well, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth.

[nevadamedic]

Bill and Monica are in the Whitehouse when Bill invites Monica into the Oval office because he wants to show her a clock. While in the office Clinton pulls down his pants and whips out his unit.

Monica gasps, Mr. Clinton that's not a clock, it's a cock!

Bill replies, well Monica if you put 2 hands and a face on it, it's a clock.

[nevadamedic]

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.

The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.

The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore, than let liquor touch these lips!"

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice."

[nevadamedic]

Many years after Bill Clinton had been President of the United States a famous biographer was going to write Bill's life story.

During the course of his interview he asked Bill, "What was your best and your worst decision during the Presidency".

Bill rolled his eyes back in deep thought and then said, "Monica Lewinski! I'd have to say Monica was my best and my worst decision".

"How could that be, Bill?", asked the surprised biographer.

Bill smiled and then shook his head, "I'd have to say she was both my best and my worst decision for the same reason."

"That's odd. What was the reason for that?", said the biographer.

Bill squirmed in his chair and answered, "Monica had a big mouth."

[nevadamedic]

One christmas mourning Hillary Clinton looked out her window to find someone wrote Hillary sucks in pee on the snow.

So she called the police and they told her they would do tests.

The following week the police chief came back and said that he had bad news and worse news. The bad news is it is Bill's urine and the worse news is it is Monica's hand writing.

[nevadamedic]

After Bill Clinton Dies he goes directly to Hell. Upon arriving he is met by Satan, who informs him that Hell is currently full but since he REALLY deserves to be there, they will make special arrangements by letting someone else leave to make room for Bill. And, as a special favor, he will be given a choice of people to replace. Satan then leads Bill to a room with three doors.

The first door opens. Behind the door is Newt Gingrich. He's being worked over with a blowtorch. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, "That looks painful. I don't think this is for me."

The second door opens. Behind door #2 is Ted Kennedy. His skin is being stripped off with a pair of pliers. Grimacing at the bloody scene, Clinton again says, "I don't think this is for me."

The third door opens and behind it is Ken Starr. He is naked and bound hand and foot. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. "I can handle that!" Clinton proclaims enthusiastically.

"Very well," says Satan. "Monica, you've been pardoned - you may go now."