Aunt Karen

[Mr. P]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Little Johnny was left.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.

She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way
down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

"She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last
Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."

[nevadamedic]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Little Johnny was left.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.

She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way
down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

"She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last
Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking."

Little Johnny jokes are awesome!

[Yurt]

Who's Aunt Karen?

[nevadamedic]

Who's Aunt Karen?

Huh?

[Yurt]

Huh?

???????

[nevadamedic]

???????

It was a joke, Aunt Karen is a fictional character.

[manu1959]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

[nevadamedic]

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

[nevadamedic]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

[manu1959]

The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."

Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."

The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."

Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."

She calls on Little Johnny in the back.

Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."

[nevadamedic]

Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."

[nevadamedic]

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher.
"Six feet under!", yelled Little Johnny.

[manu1959]

Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, "Dad, is god a man or a woman?"

His Dad replies, "Johnny, both. God is both."

Johnny asks, "Dad, is god black or white?'

His Dad says, "Both. God is both."

Ok, then Johnny asks, "Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"

[nevadamedic]

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

[nevadamedic]

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."