My attempt at poetry

[jimnyc]

I used to dabble in writing some stuff in the past. Not poems, as that's above my pay grade, but just writing about things, and trying to rhyme when I can. Tyr just wrote about his Dad, and hurting, and I know that feeling very well, so it made me want to write. I know it's not top notch stuff like Tyr's, but it's from the heart.

-----

Missing Mom

She's gone
no longer here
but I need her here
it wasn't time
not my time to let go
memories are clear

Can't live without her
the only one, only one
but the time since is a blur

I took you for granted
thought you'd always be there
you know I loved you so dear

I miss you Mom
the pain is still here
it will never die
I love you so dear

I love you Mom
that's unchanged
you held my heart first
that's unchanged

I think of you daily
morning, noon and night
this I know is true
I so love and miss you

[Gunny]

I used to dabble in writing some stuff in the past. Not poems, as that's above my pay grade, but just writing about things, and trying to rhyme when I can. Tyr just wrote about his Dad, and hurting, and I know that feeling very well, so it made me want to write. I know it's not top notch stuff like Tyr's, but it's from the heart.

-----

She's gone
no longer here
but I need her here
it wasn't time
not my time to let go
memories are clear

Can't live without her
the only one, only one
but the time since is a blur

I took you for granted
thought you'd always be there
you know I loved you so dear

I miss you Mom
the pain is still here
it will never die
I love you so dear

I love you Mom
that's unchanged
you held my heart first
that's unchanged

I think of you daily
morning, noon and night
this I know is true
I so love and miss you

Tyr is going to pound you on your lack of literary skills. The reason is clear. I'm sorry. I still hate you, but believe it or not, I do have empathy, I'll kill you later. How's that?

[Balu]

I used to dabble in writing some stuff in the past. Not poems, as that's above my pay grade, but just writing about things, and trying to rhyme when I can. Tyr just wrote about his Dad, and hurting, and I know that feeling very well, so it made me want to write. I know it's not top notch stuff like Tyr's, but it's from the heart.

Good attempt and nice words, Jim!

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I used to dabble in writing some stuff in the past. Not poems, as that's above my pay grade, but just writing about things, and trying to rhyme when I can. Tyr just wrote about his Dad, and hurting, and I know that feeling very well, so it made me want to write. I know it's not top notch stuff like Tyr's, but it's from the heart.

-----

She's gone
no longer here
but I need her here
it wasn't time
not my time to let go
memories are clear

Can't live without her
the only one, only one
but the time since is a blur

I took you for granted
thought you'd always be there
you know I loved you so dear

I miss you Mom
the pain is still here
it will never die
I love you so dear

I love you Mom
that's unchanged
you held my heart first
that's unchanged

I think of you daily
morning, noon and night
this I know is true
I so love and miss you

How could anybody dislike that poem?? It had good flow, was expressive and openly gave a view into the author's soul and eternal love for his mother.
Jim , poems do no have to be perfect rhyme nor do they have to be top notch.
They do and should come from the heart and openly reveal its depth of emotion/love.
This your poem did in great style and is a very good poem.
I say bravo and rate this as least a solid 7.
And that is quite high for a first poem effort my friend.- -Tyr

P.S. NOW GO BACK AND TITLE THE POEM (PLEASE)...

Edit-1-28-2017
I want to explain the 7 rating I gave Jim's poem, as it was intended by me.
At my home poetry site, a 7 is the highest rating one can give a poem.
They do not use the standard one to ten scale.
Thus my rating Jim's poem as, at last a solid seven, was me rating it as a top level poem...
Which is an outstanding achievement since he does not write poetry!---Tyr

[Balu]

How could anybody dislike that poem?? It had good flow, was expressive and openly gave a view into the author's soul and eternal love for his mother.
Jim , poems do no have to be perfect rhyme nor do they have to be top notch.
They do and should come from the heart and openly reveal its depth of emotion/love.
This your poem did in great style and is a very good poem.
I say bravo and rate this as least a solid 7.
And that is quite high for a first poem effort my friend.- -Tyr

P.S. NOW GO BACK AND TITLE THE POEM (PLEASE)...

100% agree!
If a poem is touching your feelings, it has already been a nice poem!

[Gunny]

100% agree!


If a poem is touching your feelings, it has already been a nice poem!

I don't dislike the poem. Y'all are so dumb sometimes. Does anyone know anything about interpersonal relationships? Jim is my friend. I'll f*ck with him all day long. The ones of you that can't take it, I rarely mess with.

You got to admit tyr, the dude needs a few classes on lyrics.

[darin]

Makes me sad I don't feel like that about my mom.

[Gunny]

Makes me sad I don't feel like that about my mom.

Don't feel all lonely in the boat, bubba. My mom can't even get me from the hospital without an alternate agenda. My grandfather dying crushed me. I've not been the same since. People talk about heroes? That man was God to me.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Don't feel all lonely in the boat, bubba. My mom can't even get me from the hospital without an alternate agenda. My grandfather dying crushed me. I've not been the same since. People talk about heroes? That man was God to me.

I think people are blessed when they have not been crushed so badly by death of a father (mine), grandfather(yours) or mother (Jim's).
Hard to explain but as you said- the person that died was --everything- to me..
In my case, I became a totally different person and have never been able to go back to the former me..
Jim's poem represents his openly revealing his desire to honor and say how much he loved his mother.
And that is great (he did a fine poem doing just that) because we being men(macho) tend to bottle up our emotions.
POETRY ALLOWS THE HEART TO SPEAK MY FRIEND AND EVEN WE --MEN-- NEED THAT SOMETIMES..
I KNOW YOU KNOW ALL THAT ALREADY-- BUT BEING A MARINE YOU GUYS ARE TAUGHT -SLAY THE DAMN DEVIL, BURN HIS ARMIES AND DESTROY HELL--AFTER THAT LETS GO GET SOME COLD BREWS!-
WHICH THIS NATION NEEDS..

I have spent one helluva lot of time fighting with my fists-years-, so now my hands type instead.
And sometimes, typing such deeply emotional thoughts is a helluva lot harder to do..
As exhibited by the tears I fought back when writing about my father.. As you so eloquently said- "he was God to me".....--TYR