It's BBQ night and I can't go get any of this stuff. It's too late here. This is worse than water boarding.
It's BBQ night and I can't go get any of this stuff. It's too late here. This is worse than water boarding.
“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.” Edumnd Burke
Not to be mean, but that looks like soup to me. You and my daughter would get along. I''m likr "put the damned cow on the grill". She wants to come up with all these concoctions from a cook book she stole from me no less. and I'm like if you put that meat on the grill it'll come out just fine.
I don't like food. I consider eating a chore. Juxtaposition: The things i will eat I will eat. I want meat. Not some sissy-ass PC pork and fish is better for you BS menu. I don't want the crap. I want a steak. A big ass baked potato. Shrimp along the side. (Let me know when I sound like Dennis OLeary). And I want to have a damned smoke when I'm done. What are you going to do ? Make me die?
“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.” Edumnd Burke
I saw the thread title and instantly thought of this, one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while:
Guy Fieri’s Kids: “The Food Network is Killing Our Father”
To the Audience of Guy Fieri’s Diner, Drive-Ins, and Dives:
We are writing this letter as a last resort. The Food Network is killing our father and we don’t know how much time he has left.
When this all started, our family thought it was a joke. Our mother doesn’t even let him cook in the house. He makes cereal with melted ice cream. He uses frosting as a palate cleanser. Those sayings he has? Those aren’t just sayings. He really does eat flip-flops. He’s always done that. He leaves notes on waffles, usually about how we’re out of waffles. He calls every town Flavortown. It’s extremely confusing when we try to go on family road trips, when we try to go anywhere.
Our dad never tells us that he loves us, only that we’re “off the hook.” He often mixes up our names with breakfast sandwiches. Sometimes we’re not even sure they’re real sandwiches, just foods and nouns he puts together in his mind, like “Cheese Ham Texas Toast” or “Gravy Boat Junction.” He keeps trying to patent “Flufferbutter,” which is just butter mixed with marshmallow fluff. His pockets are always stuffed with deli meats. It attracts wild animals and our whole family has gotten rabies more times that we can count.
Our mother says he wasn’t always like this. He used to have a regular 9-5 job working at Blockbuster, before he dyed his hair and devoted all his time to eating himself to death. He doesn’t even watch movies anymore, just videos of people frying bacon. Our family hasn’t seen a movie in seven years.
We need your help. He has every kind of diabetes. His blood is 70% caramel. Every meal could be his last. All of his doctors have either quit or gone into hiding. We are begging you, his audience: please stop watching his shows on The Food Network. He has twelve of them now and another six in production. Demand more shows about beating Bobby Flay, cooking with ingredients you’ll never find, or making children cry. We just want the dad we’ve only heard about, seen pictures of. We want to touch our father’s hair without cutting ourselves or coming into contact with bleach.
Thank you, and please stop encouraging him,
Hunter and Ryder Fieri
"I am allergic to piety, it makes me break out in rash judgements." - Penn Jillette
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with a lot of pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"The man who invented the telescope found out more about heaven than the closed eyes of prayer ever discovered." - Robert G. Ingersoll
“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.” Edumnd Burke
"The government is a child that has found their parents credit card, and spends knowing that they never have to reconcile the bill with their own money"-Shannon Churchill
To me, a steak is a great slab of meat, juicy, succulent, the thicker the better, and all the more satisfying for it (w/onions, maybe, or just possibly garlic, if I'm in the mood for it). A slab of meat that you need to use a pneumatic drill on, because it's so thick. THAT is steak worthy of the name !! Anything from medium rare to well done does me .. I don't much care ...
It's That Bloody Foreigner Again !!!