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  1. #1
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    Default Church Ladies With typewriters are at it again!


    Church Ladies With typewriters are at it again!

    They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    --------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    --------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
    My father- "Take pride in who you are and where you came from. Life is hard, often fighting is the only option!"
    Ernest Hemingway- “In order to write about life, you must first live it.”
    http://www.lindleypoetry.com/category/a-poem-a-day/

  2. #2
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    "Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."

    Last edited by LongTermGuy; 10-09-2017 at 04:39 PM.



  3. #3
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    "Well isn't that special" - Dana Carvy.
    Last edited by High_Plains_Drifter; 10-09-2017 at 04:32 PM.

  4. Likes Bilgerat liked this post
  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by High_Plains_Drifter View Post
    "Well isn't that special" - Dana Carvy.

    The first thing that came to mind when I read the title of the thread
    Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.




  6. #5
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    Default Church Ladies With typewriters are at it again!

    Proofreading is fundamental. 😉👍
    Telling someone they have to be “politically correct” is a violation of their 1st Amendment right.
    People’s feelings are NOT protected, under the US Constitution.

  7. Likes Elessar liked this post

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