First, to what extent are feelings truly “native” to ourselves? Perhaps half of our personality was baked right into our DNA and present at birth, so surely, yes, many of our feelings might be considered intrinsically “us.” But what about the other half of how we turn out? Since we were babes, we’ve been bombarded with millions of advertisements and media messages. Who we are has been shaped by our parents, our peers, and our experiences. If all of these external and “artificial” influences have molded our feelings, are they any more authentic than the other kinds of masks we wear?
Second, should we really privilege and trust all our feelings? If I don’t feel like working out and want to sit on the couch and eat potato chips, should I harken to that feeling as a call from my authentic self? What if I have a bad day at work and feel like quitting, should I?
What if I feel like punching an annoying person in the face, should I heed that urge? If I want to stare at an attractive woman’s breasts, should I give in to that impulse?
Critics of the masks of masculinity would of course answer these questions in the negative. In fact, in regards to those latter two, they would say that the urge to be violent or sexually aggressive is actually just another mask, rather than an authentic feeling (despite the fact there is ample scientific evidence that proves the innate, biological origin of the male drive for dominance). Because what they really mean when they say men need to get in touch with their feelings, is that they need to get in touch with their “nice” feelings — feelings that lead them to be more sensitive and vulnerable and gentle. More like, well, women.
But it’s logically inconsistent to say that masks are bad because they stifle your feelings, which represent your true self and must be accessed and liberated, but then to only apply that precept to some feelings and not to others.
The truth is that while feelings are important, nobody — whether man or woman — is well served by privileging them over other aspects of the self, like rational thought and volitional desires.
to what extent are feelings truly “native” to ourselves?
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