Haiku thread

[Abbey Marie]

I think I like Haiku because it is so visual, and because it fits my writing preference. As should be obvious here, I don’t write long threads. I’m def a get to the point type of poster, lol.

Thank you Robert for making a space for it here. I‘d had that first Haiku I posted in this thread languishing in my bedside drawer for several years.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

I think I like Haiku because it is so visual, and because it fits my writing preference. As should be obvious here, I don’t write long threads. I’m def a get to the point type of poster, lol.

Thank you Robert for making a space for it here. I‘d had that first Haiku I posted in this thread languishing in my bedside drawer for several years.

My friend, obvious to me that you have a natural talent for writing haiku. One that in my estimation you should pursue -if so inclined.
The link I give below is about haiku and poetry forms related to haiku. You may find it interesting and just may decide to try your poetic hand at some of these other short poetry forms.
Of the four listed, I have myself only delved into haiku, primarily because I write so many other forms of poetry, and many are very lengthy.
The forms shown/explained in the given link, are short forms of poetry, which may better suit your style/interests my friend.
And of course always feel free to post your poetry here and also depend on me to help you anyway that I can within the scope of my own poetry knowledge accumulated in my 50+ years of composing poetry. ..

https://lestersmith.com/2009/05/poet...nka-and-lunes/

Poetic Forms: Haiku, Senryu, Tanka, and Lunes
May 29, 2009Lester
counting sylllables
mentioning cherry blossoms
this is not haiku

(from Zen Rampage, back cover)

Haiku
Everyone knows what a haiku is, right? A poem in three lines, with seventeen syllables divided five/seven/five.

That’s the commonly accepted definition of a haiku in English, but to understand how we got there, it’s worth knowing a little bit about haiku in Japanese. You can look up the history yourself: I’d just like to point out a few standard features of a Japanese haiku.

It has seventeen syllables.
It has a conceptual break after either the fifth syllable or the twelfth.
It includes a seasonal word to ground it in nature.
It is not metaphorical.
The conceptual break explains why English haiku are commonly divided as they are: Five/seven/five includes both possible breaks in thought—depending upon where your poem puts its emphasis. This format also explains why so many English haiku are simply bad: It isn’t enough to divide your lines; each line also needs to be a complete mini thought in it’s own right; and one of those breaks must create an interesting shift in perception if the poem is to have any power.

Senryu
Note the haiku’s traditional requirement for a seasonal word, and it’s avoidance of metaphor. In Japanese poetry, if you write seventeen syllables with a break like a haiku, but without a seasonal word, that’s a senryu (pronounced like “send you,” but with an “R” instead of a “D”). Senryu are often humorous, frequently feature people, and may be metaphorical or otherwise more self-consciously contrived.

For most English-speaking people’s purposes, however, this is just a wasted word. If you write something with a haiku’s syllable count and breaks, you might as well call it a haiku, because pretty much everybody who reads it will call it that.

Tanka
A related form (in that it developed from the same historic roots as haiku and senryu) is the tanka. In English, this is thirty-one syllables in five lines, divided five/seven/five/seven/seven. Obviously, with nearly twice the syllables of a haiku, a tanka can treat a slightly larger subject. Here’s an example (also from Zen Rampage).

“Eighty-two years old!”
The stranger’s bony finger
prodding my shoulder.
How am I to understand
the meaning of his bared teeth?

I hope it’s evident that each line carries its own bit of meaning, like individual building blocks contributing to a five-block structure.

Lune
It’s worth noting that Japanese words have more syllables on average than English words do. So in effect, seventeen syllables in English can carry more meaning. In a way, English haiku are cheating.

To better represent the sparsity of thought in a Japanese haiku, a literature professor named Robert Kelly invented the lune, a thirteen-syllable poem divided five/three/five. He named this form the lune, because the right side of most examples creates a crescent shape, like a crescent moon.

Here’s an example I posted to Twitter and Facebook a few days ago.

if not for the birds
I’d not know
that I cannot fly

(For what it’s worth, the lune is probably my favorite form of poem. And considering how much I love the sonnet, that’s saying something!)

Another fellow, named Jack Collum, was teaching this form to children, and slightly misremembered it. Instead of five/three/five syllables, he thought three/five/three words. This being somewhat easier for children to count, the form has stuck.

Note that because “lune” is an English word, two or more of these poems are “lunes.” By contrast, more than one haiku, senryu, or tanka become “two haiku,” “five senryu,” or “seventy-nine tanka,” for example.

Final Words
I hope that this brief overview of these related forms has inspired you to write some of your own. Just remember to make each line stand at least somewhat on its own, rather than seeming like a sudden U-turn in the street, simply because you’ve run out of syllables. And try to have a significant change in thought, some measure of surprise, in one of the breaks. Your readers will appreciate the effort!

—Les

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

From Mother Earth To Pantry

empty pickle jar
garden gems invite harvest
rain clouds cover sky

Robert J. Lindley, 4-06-2019
haiku, ( treasures earthen soil bequeaths)
************************************************** ********


Edit. Thank you Abbey, this discourse with you has led me to write my first Tanka, thus I am dedicating this new creation to you my great friend and budding new poetess..
I hope that you like it as it came directly from a childhood memory back in the 60's... -Tyr

A Catfish Meal Desired

three years and no rain
fishing hole almost dried up
what am I to eat?
Will begging bequeath results
where long water hose has failed?

Robert J. Lindley, 4-06-2019
Tanka, (Lessons learned from youth)
Poem my first Tanka, Dedicated to my friend Abbey

Syllables Per Line: 5 7 5 7 7
Total # Syllables: 31
Total # Lines: 5
Total # Words: 25

[Abbey Marie]

I am honored, Robert. Thank you!

Sent you a PM...

I think I will try this, too.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Lessons Never Learned

two broken pencils
classroom, one overturned desk
sad cry in the dark

Robert J. Lindley
haiku, 4-08-2019

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Old Lies And Broken Promises

fenced in schoolyard
fallen neighborhood watch sign
baby shower gift

Robert J. Lindley, 4-11-2019
haiku

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Reaching Deep For Understanding

ostrich head in hole
mountain climber looking down
morn sky sullen grey

Robert J. Lindley
Haiku, 4-17-2019

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Life Moves Ever Onward

old red wagon wheel
long and rocky mountain path
blackberries dark black

Robert J. Lindley,
Haiku,
4-18-2019, ( On The Passage Westward )

[Abbey Marie]

Robert, my feeble first attempt at Tanka. Fun!


Reading, Writing, and Ridicule

Sharp tongue lashes out
from beneath the thick black veil
Child shrinks to a gnat
Bride of Christ feels no remorse
Sweet school bell peals out freedom!

Abbey 4-19-19

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Not anything feeble about my friend.
Sending you private message after this post. -Tyr

[Abbey Marie]

Not anything feeble about my friend.
Sending you private message after this post. -Tyr

Thanks Robert, I fixed it.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Thanks Robert, I fixed it.

You did very well my friend. A superb Tanka, IMHO..-- -Tyr

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Scenes That Set Young Minds Pondering

massive beaver dam
herd of thirsty deer mid-stream
old wood bridge fallen

Robert J. Lindley,
haiku, 4-23-2019

[Abbey Marie]

After the Funeral

Folder lies inert
Life summed up in cold papers?
Wind whispers “he’s gone”


Abbey
4/23/19

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

After the Funeral

Blue folder lies inert
Life summed up in cold papers?
Wind whispers “he’s gone”


Abbey
4/23/19

Love it - presented with exceptional imagery, depth and heart.. ---Tyr