The Alaskan Assassin

[jimnyc]

So, you already know she tried to take me out a few weeks ago, and got my arm and head. Well, since I brought her home, she has probably killed like 2 squirrels and like 5 birds now, after bringing me such a kind gift yesterday. I like our little birdies and squirrels that visit us. And now? They flood our neighbors to the left and right of us and just stare at her into our backyard. Only a matter of time before they all put an army together and come to fight back!

[Kathianne]

So, you already know she tried to take me out a few weeks ago, and got my arm and head. Well, since I brought her home, she has probably killed like 2 squirrels and like 5 birds now, after bringing me such a kind gift yesterday. I like our little birdies and squirrels that visit us. And now? They flood our neighbors to the left and right of us and just stare at her into our backyard. Only a matter of time before they all put an army together and come to fight back!

She is so cute!

[jimnyc]

She is so cute!

It's a charade! She is Pure E.V.I.L. with a capital E!

She's cute, beautiful & deceiving! I was warned by Sharon, and I knew from owning a Siberian when I was growing up. And of course from a ton of reading to learn about my new puppy.

Just look at that face and those teeth! She even tries to destroy the water!!!

[Kathianne]

It's a charade! She is Pure E.V.I.L. with a capital E!

She's cute, beautiful & deceiving! I was warned by Sharon, and I knew from owning a Siberian when I was growing up. And of course from a ton of reading to learn about my new puppy.

Just look at that face and those teeth! She even tries to destroy the water!!!

[Elessar]

Ninja Pup?

[jimnyc]

Uggggghhhhhhhh....

So, the amount of work that lies ahead for me, or more likely a contractor prior to selling, is rather high. The AA also like to quietly eat her way through whatever is necessary in order to get to her target. Usually, she succeeds daily in assassinating just ONE bun from a burger of mine. Do not forget the condiments. You lay over one bun and then go to get the extras, and come back and scratch your head wondering what the hell you did with the other bun. I'm sure I left it here. Look over at Nikoh and she's just sitting there like an angel. Hmmmm, then a quick lick of the lips come. Guilty little F%$#er! And I know this for sure, as if you don't share like at least once every 2 weeks, then she grows bravery and might just do it right in front of you, and maybe even while you are still eating!


Here she is, ears back a tad as she once again knows she is guilty as sin. But Honey Badger doesn't care! She just defies me. Funny thing is that she listens to the woman. She's the enforcer, and Nikoh knows this.

"I'm sorry I have eaten your door. And I'm sorry that I shed my entire coat of hair daily, which magically grows back daily. I'm sorry for the moon craters in your yard. I'm sorry for destroying every toy you buy me, but they're fun while they last! The beds you have bought me were all wonderful, so I'm sorry I always ate them by the 2nd evening. I'm sorry I chew/suckle on your arm non-stop in order to get you to continue petting me. Just do it forever and problem solved."

[Kathianne]

Uggggghhhhhhhh....

So, the amount of work that lies ahead for me, or more likely a contractor prior to selling, is rather high. The AA also like to quietly eat her way through whatever is necessary in order to get to her target. Usually, she succeeds daily in assassinating just ONE bun from a burger of mine. Do not forget the condiments. You lay over one bun and then go to get the extras, and come back and scratch your head wondering what the hell you did with the other bun. I'm sure I left it here. Look over at Nikoh and she's just sitting there like an angel. Hmmmm, then a quick lick of the lips come. Guilty little F%$#er! And I know this for sure, as if you don't share like at least once every 2 weeks, then she grows bravery and might just do it right in front of you, and maybe even while you are still eating!


Here she is, ears back a tad as she once again knows she is guilty as sin. But Honey Badger doesn't care! She just defies me. Funny thing is that she listens to the woman. She's the enforcer, and Nikoh knows this.

"I'm sorry I have eaten your door. And I'm sorry that I shed my entire coat of hair daily, which magically grows back daily. I'm sorry for the moon craters in your yard. I'm sorry for destroying every toy you buy me, but they're fun while they last! The beds you have bought me were all wonderful, so I'm sorry I always ate them by the 2nd evening. I'm sorry I chew/suckle on your arm non-stop in order to get you to continue petting me. Just do it forever and problem solved."

Stop, dammit! Gonna pee!

[jimnyc]

Stop, dammit! Gonna pee!

Oh, my fun with my beautiful little puppy has more, I just need a break, my forearm ends up killing me if I type too much.

[jimnyc]

Gotta pop out for a few, but I'll add this little one before I go.

When she ran from me. Again, she is FAST, very fast, like the wind. I can still run a little, but of course I fall even harder, and we know the results.

I had to give up and run across the street to my house for help after I was running out of steam and the pain was coming on harder.

As I quickly yelled at my wife - she ran away and I had no idea where to at the moment. 2 seconds later as the wife opens the front door I hear her "she's right here". The dog initially didn't come to her, but I heard her raise her voice to Nikoh and not long after they come walking into the house together. WTTTTTTTF????

The doggy was just outright fu^&ing with me. She was back before the woman opened the door. Now she always chases the cat, then the cat chases her back around the house, then back and forth and back and forth. They are in a love hate relationship right now. But I think the little beeeeeeeeeeeotch thought she was teasing me playing a game! I'm glad she has a good sense of location and came right back to the house.

So I know that story is mostly told earlier, but wanted to expand on the part about her doing it on purpose. She is a VERY smart dog. I mean the smartest dog I have ever owned by far. She hunts, as in watches and lays down and surveys the situation before heading for the attack. She analyzes problems, and things even with toys, and is usually successful. She is better than most baseball players in catching a ball, and better than most goalies if you try and kick a ball around with her. She talks to me too, which I know in dog language is cussing me out, I just can't prove it yet.

But, as usual, I let my doggies somewhat control me, because I love them too much, even though I know the right ways to raise and train them, and that they will still love me for it, and I fail anyway. Good thing I have a great wife!

[STTAB]

Ugh some pets are such pains in the asses. My niece has a chocolate lab that we baby sat a few weeks ago when they went on vacation. Sweet dog, he got along great with our animals, but damn if left alone he'd eat whatever he could get his paws on, pool toys, towels, plants, garden hose, didn't matter if he was left unattended for any amount of time he would start chewing shit up.

By the end of the week, I was over him. My dogs don't do that, they obey and are not destructive.

And then there's my daughter's cat. Otherwise known as Satan. That motherfucker is well a motherfucker. I'd kill it if not for my daughter.

[jimnyc]

Ugh some pets are such pains in the asses. My niece has a chocolate lab that we baby sat a few weeks ago when they went on vacation. Sweet dog, he got along great with our animals, but damn if left alone he'd eat whatever he could get his paws on, pool toys, towels, plants, garden hose, didn't matter if he was left unattended for any amount of time he would start chewing shit up.

By the end of the week, I was over him. My dogs don't do that, they obey and are not destructive.

And then there's my daughter's cat. Otherwise known as Satan. That motherfucker is well a motherfucker. I'd kill it if not for my daughter.

Nikoh CAN be a pain in the ass, that's for sure, but I would love her the same whether a perfect angel or a mischievous little bastard.

And Nero, we have our own little satan there too. Ok, I kid I kid, he's the coolest cat on earth!! Especially when he is on the table smacking the dog around, who circles the table trying to catch and lick the cat. And when Nero smacks and beats her up, I've never once seen a claw come out. He absolutely adores her but can't figure out why she plays so rough sometimes, and why sometimes she wants to eat him. But he'll be a typical cat and start this shit at 3am, or he'll literally come over and sleep dead on center on your head! Or chew on your hair. Or like every cat, start meowing at 5am loud enough for people in California to hear him. And yeah, he wants his breakfast, so he can eat like 2 tiny pieces and then jump on you or follow your around. He just wants someone up with him!!

[STTAB]

Nikoh CAN be a pain in the ass, that's for sure, but I would love her the same whether a perfect angel or a mischievous little bastard.

And Nero, we have our own little satan there too. Ok, I kid I kid, he's the coolest cat on earth!! Especially when he is on the table smacking the dog around, who circles the table trying to catch and lick the cat. And when Nero smacks and beats her up, I've never once seen a claw come out. He absolutely adores her but can't figure out why she plays so rough sometimes, and why sometimes she wants to eat him. But he'll be a typical cat and start this shit at 3am, or he'll literally come over and sleep dead on center on your head! Or chew on your hair. Or like every cat, start meowing at 5am loud enough for people in California to hear him. And yeah, he wants his breakfast, so he can eat like 2 tiny pieces and then jump on you or follow your around. He just wants someone up with him!!

My daughter's cat's name actually is Satan because he's been an evil asshole since the day he was born. If he wanted you to pet him, it's a trap to lure you in so he can fuck you up. He literally never just wants to be loved on. My daughter' room HAD a book shelf next to her door until this little motherfucker got big enough to get up there any lie in wait to jump on a person's head when they walked in the room, claws first, and not in playful matter. Had to take that bookshelf down due to my daughter being scared to go into her own room.

My wife has literally went after this cat with a broom because he's trying to keep her from getting down the hall or something, and this cat hisses and charges her.

He don't fuck with King my male Great Dane at all, but that's the only living thing he fears. Which is weird because King is so nonchalant about everything else, but he really doesn't like Satan.

We've just this week relegated Satan to the garage, because he wouldn't leave the boys alone, and the next step is I don't care how much my daughter loves him, he's gonna be a barn cat

[jimnyc]

My daughter's cat's name actually is Satan because he's been an evil asshole since the day he was born. If he wanted you to pet him, it's a trap to lure you in so he can fuck you up.

Haven't even read past this point already and I'm cracking up! Why? Because it's typical of most cats, only some are a little more evil about it than others. Sounds like your little friend is on the latter scale.

[STTAB]

Haven't even read past this point already and I'm cracking up! Why? Because it's typical of most cats, only some are a little more evil about it than others. Sounds like your little friend is on the latter scale.

When he first got him and he'd act like and scratch her all up she'd cry "daddy , why is so mean . All I wanna do is love him" but I know she's now thinking "fuck this little asshole" she still loves him, but doesn't really try to pet him. And what good is a pet that you can't well pet? Give me a big lovable dog any day.

[High_Plains_Drifter]

Or like every cat, start meowing at 5am loud enough for people in California to hear him. And yeah, he wants his breakfast, so he can eat like 2 tiny pieces and then jump on you or follow your around. He just wants someone up with him!!

My campfire cat thought she was going to start this shit. She'd wander into the bedroom around 5-6:00AM and do little grunts or quiet meows thinking that would somehow make it better if she woke me up quietly, so I got me one of those AIR HORNS that works on a little can of compressed air. She started one morning, I quietly reached over and grabbed the AIR HORN, gave it a good blast, and all BS aside, she HASN'T DONE IT SINCE. But the little campfire cat is truly one of the BEST cats I've ever seen. She NEVER gets in trouble. She's very smart and LISTENS. I couldn't have ever asked for a better little critter. She's a gem.