Hey men

[Abbey Marie]

In light of the “Bam” thread, who or what teaches you to act stoically when you hurt? Both physically and emotionally.
Or is the answer just that you see your Dad acting that way, and emulate him? Does your son do the same?
Or maybe it is just innate?
Why do you feel it is necessary?

[Elessar]

My Dad was a career military Vet.

He saw plenty of my aches and injuries but taught me to suck it
up and keep marching, unless it was something major like when I
split open my ankle with an axe when I was 18. He just said "You dumb Shit"!

[Gunny]

In light of the “Bam” thread, who or what teaches you to act stoically when you hurt? Both physically and emotionally.
Or is the answer just that you see your Dad acting that way, and emulate him? Does your son do the same?
Or maybe it is just innate?
Why do you feel it is necessary?

Necessary. Because I'm not a wimp? I grew up in the military and all our dads were war vets still in. They didn't tolerate weakness and neither did we. Weak people get themselves killed and usually take some good people with them. If you are in charge? You start acting all weak and pussyish you'll kill morale and probably half your troops along with it. It just isn't tolerated.

Harsh games with harsh rules require harsh people.

[Kathianne]

Necessary. Because I'm not a wimp? I grew up in the military and all our dads were war vets still in. They didn't tolerate weakness and neither did we. Weak people get themselves killed and usually take some good people with them. If you are in charge? You start acting all weak and pussyish you'll kill morale and probably half your troops along with it. It just isn't tolerated.

Harsh games with harsh rules require harsh people.

Sort of like cooking. I've seriously cut myself twice-throwing on gauze and keep going. Same with burns. Once though, had to go and get 6 stitches in my hand after finishing dinner and dishes and the sucker kept bleeding for some reason. LOL!

[Elessar]

Necessary. Because I'm not a wimp? I grew up in the military and all our dads were war vets still in. They didn't tolerate weakness and neither did we. Weak people get themselves killed and usually take some good people with them. If you are in charge? You start acting all weak and pussyish you'll kill morale and probably half your troops along with it. It just isn't tolerated.

Harsh games with harsh rules require harsh people.

Never more accurate words spoken, something most non-military or
non- first responders do not realize.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

You are stronger when you defeat pain. A man must be able to fight, that means fight the urge to cry out in pain or let pain defeat your purpose, your bravery, your willingness to do what needs to be done. Pain in mos cases is just another obstacle to be overcome.
What I know is if I'd let pain stop me --I would have lost tons of fights.
Losing is not an option unless one is knocked out, dead or totally incapacitated.
Sons are taught this because courage, bravery, duty and oft even life depends upon it..
My father and my grandfather can not be wrong about this.... ---Tyr

[icansayit]

There are many different kinds of pain. Nobody is immune to it. I remember the pain when I first woke up, following my heart surgery. Thank goodness for pain drugs. I remember the three full days following my spinal surgery, at sea, aboard the USNS Comfort, Hospital Ship,
during Operation Desert Storm, in the Persian Gulf....when the pain was so bad; touching the hair on my arms was painful.

Then, there's another kind of pain when you lose your parents, your brothers, and sister. Anyone know what I mean now?

And finally. There's that indescribable Pain felt by EVERY MOTHER. Pain No Man will ever have, or understand.

So, we men are not exempt from feeling pain. And we all know it. Hearing someone like our Father say "Suck it up!" Doesn't take away the pain...when FATHER leaves the room.

[Gunny]

There are many different kinds of pain. Nobody is immune to it. I remember the pain when I first woke up, following my heart surgery. Thank goodness for pain drugs. I remember the three full days following my spinal surgery, at sea, aboard the USNS Comfort, Hospital Ship,
during Operation Desert Storm, in the Persian Gulf....when the pain was so bad; touching the hair on my arms was painful.

Then, there's another kind of pain when you lose your parents, your brothers, and sister. Anyone know what I mean now?

And finally. There's that indescribable Pain felt by EVERY MOTHER. Pain No Man will ever have, or understand.

So, we men are not exempt from feeling pain. And we all know it. Hearing someone like our Father say "Suck it up!" Doesn't take away the pain...when FATHER leaves the room.

No one can say for another how one registers and/or reacts to pain. This is a spinoff of the one from my taking a spill. My knee hit the tile. It hurt. I posted as much. I said "damn, that hurt". Sat up and my foot lopped into the cat box so after ensuring no cat feces was on my shoes, I looked ath my knee and I made a smartass remark to my granddaughter that it was going to leave a mark. About as matter of factly as it's typed. Speaking solely for me, I just don't show hurt.

Not just because it's considered a "manly weakness" but because it will tell the enemy how to get to you. And when I say "enemy", I mean "people", I have no real other explanation.

[Elessar]

No one can say for another how one registers and/or reacts to pain. This is a spinoff of the one from my taking a spill. My knee hit the tile. It hurt. I posted as much. I said "damn, that hurt". Sat up and my foot lopped into the cat box so after ensuring no cat feces was on my shoes, I looked ath my knee and I made a smartass remark to my granddaughter that it was going to leave a mark. About as matter of factly as it's typed. Speaking solely for me, I just don't show hurt.

Not just because it's considered a "manly weakness" but because it will tell the enemy how to get to you. And when I say "enemy", I mean "people", I have no real other explanation.

I usually say "Ouch. That sucked" with a few other dressings and comments!

[Noir]

Societal pressure (which is represented well in some of the above posts ‘I’m not a wimp, I’m strong, that’s weakness’ etc) and the great payoff for these kinds of pressures is male suicide statistics, and death by accident statistics.

[Tyr-Ziu Saxnot]

Societal pressure (which is represented well in some of the above posts ‘I’m not a wimp, I’m strong, that’s weakness’ etc) and the great payoff for these kinds of pressures is male suicide statistics, and death by accident statistics.

No the --"payoff" (as you called it) is that people like you have had their freedom/liberties defended by people that believed being strong and defending others requires developing a high resistance to wimping out due to pain.
Seems you attempt to glorify wimping out in males.
This modern day idea that men are to be pansies and all feely touchy, gaylike -- truly sickens me.

No Noir, a man by Nature , nurture and biological design is to be strong, tough and a leader.
That truth and reality must really burst your little bubble, so go ahead -go cry and moan as if a small child.-Tyr

[Gunny]

Societal pressure (which is represented well in some of the above posts ‘I’m not a wimp, I’m strong, that’s weakness’ etc) and the great payoff for these kinds of pressures is male suicide statistics, and death by accident statistics.

Any more excuses for being a wimp? Just wondering ...

[jimnyc]

In light of the “Bam” thread, who or what teaches you to act stoically when you hurt? Both physically and emotionally.
Or is the answer just that you see your Dad acting that way, and emulate him? Does your son do the same?
Or maybe it is just innate?
Why do you feel it is necessary?

Damn, thread is a year old and I'm just seeing it now!

To me, the answer is a time and a place, and that it all depends.

I'll fight anyone if I have to, and turn psycho before I lose. I'm a daredevil and do many things that may put me in danger, and I love it! If it hurts me, so be it. I'll face a lot of fearful things in the face, and then take any consequences.

But then again, I shut my car door on my finger once, and holy hell it nearly made my cry like a bitch! Same when I broke my wrist. Migraines put me down more than anything, easily in tears and head throbbing and me punching my fist through a wall. I'll throw up, lay in tears and fall asleep like that and wake up fine. I honestly don't always do well with pain, but if my adrenaline is running, in a fight, nothing hurts.

Now emotional pain? Simply wasn't born to deal with it. Deaths simply destroy me inside. I readily admit that. Some emotional things that happen will draw the depression and/or tears out of me, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. - Used to cry year after year after year when Frosty the Snowman melted in the greenhouse, or when they couldn't find poor Rudolph.

Or when Rick @NightTrain introduced me to Alaskan bees and one of them fuc*$%s bit my forehead, and the little bitch came out again, I danced a jig and ran all the way to the cabin!! LOL

So I'm not good dealing with pain - but if the situation is angering to me, and my emotions pour out, it will often turn to anger and the pain goes away and Dr. Jekkyl comes out for a fight.

[Gunny]

I didn't pay attention as well as I should have first time around. IMO, there is no answer. Genetics? Minus the left and MSM stating otherwise, men are men. The rest is making excuses for those who are not.

Environment. We were raised to be men. Most of us are old enough to remember when that was the case and not "toxic masculinity".

Abbey asked why do we feel we need to ACT that way? That I know if, it's not an act. I don't think about my reaction to pain. There's no script.

Basics: Fight or flight. Is a woman going to choose as her mate the pansy that runs off/hides, or the guy who says you aren't taking my stuff. Which, women were smart enough to realize if they hid behind the guy's stuff, they'd be protected. They are going to choose the mate that can give them strong children and provide for and protect them. That's just nature. It isn't about men being stronger than women either. It's about knowing your role. Life's prime directive is procreation of the species, and survival of the species.

How the evolution from the basic to current behavior came about has however many years Man has walked the Earth as an answer. The strong stay alive and the weak die.

Our current political environment is in denial of the prime directive because wherever the strong flourish, the rats scurry right along behind and steal everything (a country) while the strong are too busying protecting it and them to notice. Until you have a place where children get to choose their gender That isn't natural and they are going to die just about the time they get rid of the strong protecting them. They're just not smart enough to figure that out.

One thing I know for sure is if you lead by example and show weakness, those being led will do the same. In the World I grew up in and made my profession in, you could likely get away with crapping your pants before you would one little whimper. Weakness was not allowed to be shown by our war vet fathers, and we as kids didn't allow it in ourselves. It isn't "trying to be like our fathers". That sounds cheap. We are our fathers' sons and products of his environment as the male in the family to look to for guidance. That could mean emulating him OR trying your best to not be like him and everything in between.

I don't see anything toxic about it taken for what it is. It's logical. I can sit here and cry about my boo boo or I can wrap the SOB up and get on with it. What do we as humans do when we fall down? Most get back up and move on.

I consider injury a nuisance more than painful. Injuries get between me and where I'm going and THAT just won't do

[SassyLady]

Just my observation from being married to 2 warriors ...

Most men are mission focused ... whether it is getting something out of attic (Russ), taking out trash, building a treehouse, saving someone or something. Mission first .... then deal with pain. Also, most men feel one of their missions is to protect ... it's in their DNA and that means protecting the psyche of those they love and care about. Our worrying about their pain throws them off mission.

Just my thoughts on subject.