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  1. #1
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    Default Hilarious song - by my twin

    So all here pretty much know I'm a dirtbag, and a proud one at that. A professional and successful dirtbag. Hey, own what ya are and make the best of it.

    So anyway, this song I'm sure many if not most of you have heard before. This is Denis Leary, my eldest brother that I never met. An asshole, and quite proud of it, and owns it like a boss!

    I'll post the video with the lyrics underneath. The chorus, similar throughout yet different, is quoted at the very very bottom and stripped out and quoted as they are NSFW. Also - don't play this at work obviously, and don't watch this if easily offended.

    But if a non-perfect person such as myself that takes joy out of being a miserable bastard (I kid I kid) and an ugly bastard and filled with a little piss and vinegar as my Mommy used to say.





    Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
    About me, about you
    About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
    About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
    Maybe below the cockles
    Maybe in the sub cockle area
    Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys
    Maybe even in the colon, we don't know

    I'm just a regular Joe, with a regular job
    I'm your average white, suburbanite slob
    I like football and porno and books about war
    I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
    My wife and my job, my kids and my car
    My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

    But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
    (Oh no, no way, uh uh)
    No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
    (Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
    I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
    While people behind me are going insane

    I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
    I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"

    Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
    While handicapped people make handicapped faces

    Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
    Ranting and raving and carrying on
    Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
    Nah

    You know what I'm gonna do?
    I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
    Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
    And all leather cow interior
    And big brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
    And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
    Gettin' 1 mile per gallon
    Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
    In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
    And when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers
    I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
    And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
    And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
    You know why, because we've got the bomb, that's why
    Two words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
    Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
    They can have a big democracy cakewalk
    Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
    And it won't make a lick of difference
    Because we've got the bombs, OK?
    John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen
    And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
    We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
    You know why
    Have you ever taken a cold shower?
    Well multiply that by 15 million times
    That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be!
    I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes
    And Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey
    And drive down to Texas and




    I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)

    I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

    I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)

    I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

    (Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
    Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
    I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
    I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

    A-S-S-H-O-L-E
    Everybody
    A-S-S-H-O-L-E

    I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it
    “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?” - Chris Rock

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  3. #2
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    Default

    He is one of my favorite comedians of all time. He started out when all this PC BS did. His non-PC rants kept me in stitches
    “When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.” Edumnd Burke

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  5. #3
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    Default He was great in RESCUE ME too!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gunny View Post
    He is one of my favorite comedians of all time. He started out when all this PC BS did. His non-PC rants kept me in stitches

    Makes me proud to be Deplorable, Racist, Asshole, And every other Descriptive Word the SNOWFLAKES from the DNC, BLM, ANTIFA, LEFTY'S, RINO'S, and all the other Pure IDIOTS.

    As long as we make them mad....WE WIN!
    I may be older than most. I may say things not everybody will like.
    But despite all of that. I will never lower myself to the level of Liars, Haters, Cheats, and Hypocrites.
    Philippians 4:13 I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me:

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