SAN FRANCISCO, CA—After a rocky kneeling performance during their exhibition game today, the San Francisco Giants hired NFL free agent Colin Kaepernick as the franchise's head kneeling coach.

Kaepernick will teach players proper kneeling techniques and the best ways to protest America during the national anthem.


"Kaepernick brings a lot of experience in kneeling during the national anthem to the game, and he'll be able to show all players the proper technique to protest America," said manager Gabe Kapler.

"He'll make a fine addition to this franchise."

Lessons taught by Kaepernick will include these:

  • Preventing injury while kneeling
  • How to make sure you're kneeling when the camera is on you
  • How to leverage your brave protest into multi-million-dollar endorsement deals
  • Funny parodies of the national anthem to sing during opening ceremonies
  • How to look solemn and serious even though you're kinda a clown

More:

https://babylonbee.com/news/san-fran...ling-technique