Stolen from the Babylon Bee


1. Candy corn -Even these tasteless cones of wax fare better in the polls than Sleepy Joe.
2. Prostate exams -Uncomfortable but at least they don't last four years.
3. The restrooms at Walmart -Unsanitary but they've never tried to sniff our hair.
4. The decision to cancel Firefly - Next time Joe Biden wants to stab us in the back, he should have the guts to do it to our face.
5. DMV employees - Hey, at least they know where they are.
6. Pearl Harbor, the Ben Affleck movie - We don't know how this one beat Joe but it did.
7. The actual attack on Pearl Harbor - At least it eventually led to the fall of Hitler.
8. Andrew Cuomo's steamy new romance novel - Yeesh. Biden's numbers must be awful.
9. The guy in your neighborhood who hands out toothbrushes on Halloween - Everyone has that guy. But hey, he's not trying to ruin your life.
10. Long John Silver's - Something's fishy about this place but at least you can just avoid it.
11. Todd - Good one, Todd!
12. Gas station sushi - Will only make you sick one time and you'll have a great story to tell.
13. Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle - We don't know why she sells these but some people like them, we guess.
14. Alex Rodriguez's vagina candle - We don't know why he sells these but some people like them, we guess.
15. Installing a car seat - On a 120-degree day in Phoenix.
16. Wuhan's world-famous bat soup - The taste isn't so bad, it's the consistency.
17. The one true President Donald Trump - USA! USA! USA!